My Ctb date

[Braindead Atheist]

Well it's been a long road and thankyou for being there for me. Not even my friends know the whole story or extent of my ill feelings toward life. But worst came to worst and it appears design will never work out for me and I'll be stuck doing something I fucking hate. But I figured one thing would stay consistent, I'd get bullied and fired everywhere, even design jobs. I finally found my way out. I have a source of SN, the dosage information and I already take olanzapine, so I won't throw up. My ctb date is the start of may or whenever I get bullied, fired and abused again. I'll get a job and buy the the SN early just to have it on hand. I gave this life plenty of time to work out and it took every opportunity I gave it to screw me over. There's nothing here for be but disappointment and abuse. I love my friends and I'd stay for them if something would just work out, but I'm too distraught to do anything or be any fun. They'd get tired of that eventually. Anyone would. And I can't win if I stay, so I'm just going to cross the threshold into oblivion. Unlike this life, I feel like my death was meant to be. I'm done crying, I'm over that. I just don't feel anything for this life but wanted to be rid of it. I don't want to talk to anyone, because theres either one of two outcomes: they tell me what I already know or give me false hope. Thanks SS community for being a second family.

 

[FuneralCry]

Your feelings of wishing to be free from this hellish world certainly are understandable, as this life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering with other people often just making things worse, and it really does make sense wanting to prevent all future torment. I think that those who have access to a reliable poison method right now are very fortunate, I wish you the best of luck in your plans.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Your feelings of wishing to be free from this hellish world certainly are understandable, as this life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering with other people often just making things worse, and it really does make sense wanting to prevent all future torment. I think that those who have access to a reliable poison method right now are very fortunate, I wish you the best of luck in your plans.

Thankyou FuneralCry, you are my fucking hero. You always come to my aid. I will miss you and SS. I'm just so happy it will all be over soon. I had the best dream about this amazing camp with roller coasters and my friends and I got in the same cabin! It was awesome! I wish reality was that good. I wish I could stay asleep and have that dream continue forever. You know what the sad thing is? Since it was so good, I actually knew it was a dream the whole time. Even if reality was really good like that, I don't even know if I would believe it. I guess there's that knowing that it will all end in abuse and other things I hate. Things never stay good. Did you ever notice that? I just want to get this ugly burden of life off of my back and shut my eyes for good. Ugly godless reality...