Venting My constant thoughts drive me crazy. Constant flow of information. No peace. I wanna make it stop

[ZoloftSüchtig]

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know who to turn to cause no one in realife seems to understand me. Can't talk about it with friends, can't talk about it with family. Therapists don't help and the mental hospital doesn't either. My mind is exploding. These thoughts are too much. What do I do when I just want to make it stop but don't know how. I'm scared. Scared what is my life gonna be life. If I continue how much will I suffer? Give me a gun and I kill myself right now. How come some people are happy in this world? How ? Why not me?

 

[KowakuNaiNeko]

That's a great profile pic.

Your experience sounds quite a bit different than mine but on days where my thoughts became unbearable I would try to give myself something else to think about. Something that worked well for me was forcing myself, through anhedonia, to play a video game. Afterward my thoughts tended to be on the game rather than on existential philosophy.

Scottish philosopher David Hume had a quote with a similar idea that I will now butcher:
"I would think about these things and get really sad panda and then I would go hang out with my family and friends. Afterwards I would try to return to these thoughts but they would just be so cold." ~Something like that. Heavily paraphrased.

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

That's a great profile pic.

Your experience sounds quite a bit different than mine but on days where my thoughts became unbearable I would try to give myself something else to think about. Something that worked well for me was forcing myself, through anhedonia, to play a video game. Afterward my thoughts tended to be on the game rather than on existential philosophy.

Scottish philosopher David Hume had a quote with a similar idea that I will now butcher:
"I would think about these things and get really sad panda and then I would go hang out with my family and friends. Afterwards I would try to return to these thoughts but they would just be so cold." ~Something like that. Heavily paraphrased.

Hey, thanks. Cats are just amazing. Your profile is great too!!
Honestly, that's what I've been trying to do. I'm playing a lot of GTA lately or Stardew Valley. And sometimes it works in occupying my mind at least for a few minutes but I'd say the constant painful thoughts are never truly 100% gone. I just wish I could go back to a state of mind I had like a few years ago. A time where I was still able to think about things without having any mental pain whatsoever. I wish I could get a cat. the sound of the purring is just so relaxing and I think it would help me feel less alone. Cause a cat doesn't mind sitting in your room not talking to each other. With people I need to actively be there for the situation not be weird but with the constant painful thoughts I have that's almost impossible.

 

[Starry✧･ﾟDaze]

Yes, that's one of the worst symptoms. Especially at night, these thoughts won't let me rest, let alone sleep.

I can only second what @KowakuNaiNeko said about the video games. Distraction is better than being stuck in endless loops or the rabbit holes of your own mind. The thoughts won't stop either way, so it can help to redirect them to something less painful.

Sorry that I can't give you a real solution, I'm struggling with this myself and am really curious what people will reply here.

At least we're all stuck together in this mind labyrinth I guess ♡

EDIT: Just saw that you posted you're already playing video games for distraction. Sorry, my post wasn't useful at all :')

 

[Ineedthis]

I relate to this a lot. I usually have some sort of escape I resort to. Sometimes it's poking and cutting myself with a pin, sometimes I just take a crapload of painkillers. I don't recommend it at all but it does work

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

@Starry✧･ﾟDaze Im so sorry you are dealing with this too. While my sleep schedule is completely to be thrown in the trash I'm lucky that I'm able to sleep. It's honestly the only time I think in wich I do not have the constant painful thoughts and the feeling of these thoughts making my head explode is gone as well when asleep. Makes sense I guess. That's why I tend to oversleep. Sometimes sleeping maybe 15 hours a day.

While I hate that other people are going through this as well, it is kind of helping to know that I'm not alone with this. We are not alone

I relate to this a lot. I usually have some sort of escape I resort to. Sometimes it's poking and cutting myself with a pin, sometimes I just take a crapload of painkillers. I don't recommend it at all but it does work

I feel you with this. I don't cut myself but I pick on my skin a lot or put pressure on my fingers or something.

 

[TapeMachine]

The thing that helps my relentless racing thoughts is my prescribed stimulant medication for diagnosed adhd. Funny how that works..speed slowing down my brain to a more manageable level, lol

 

[KowakuNaiNeko]

Many years ago I had a 4 year contract to do a difficult job and I used to joke that when I finished I was going to buy a cat and name him "commitment" and "commitment" would be the physical embodiment of the commitment that I would never come back there to work or else I wouldn't be able to take care of him anymore

Like a year after that job though when I was actually in a position to take care of a cat I never actually got around to it. At first it was because I felt like I was barely taking care of myself so taking care of something else too would be messy but then it turned into me planning to CTB and not wanting to leave a cat behind. My friends at work asked me a few times why I didn't own a cat since I talk about them all the time and I would joke "because I'm a cat too and we get territorial meow"

I'm not too sure what to make of your feeling weird around people situation. Usually talking to friends on discord VC counts as a 'distraction' for me. Just make sure that you don't get to the point of 0 social interaction. Even heavy introverts need it to not go crazy.

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

Yes I agree. I do think I'd be able to take care of a cat even in a depressed state but if I cbt what happens to her/him. I think my family would take good care of her/him though but still. It's a commitment I need to be completely sure of because it's a living being we are talking about.

Honestly you are right that social interaction is very important. Especially to me as Im actually a very very extroverted person. I gain energy from interactions with others but because I'm so miserable it's hard to do the social stuff. And discord just isn't the same. But honestly even just writing on this site has been doing me good, especially as here are other people who understand. I feel the real life world lacks that for me. Or maybe others just don't wanna talk about their feelings with me idk.

 

[drmihilo]

Hi :)
May I ask what kind of thoughts you have? I have the same problem related to philosophy. For me the world is terribly uncertain, empty and boring. I am tormented by these questions all the time: "why" and "why".

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring and dreadful feeling trapped in that situation, it's just so cruel how people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

Hi :)
May I ask what kind of thoughts you have? I have the same problem related to philosophy. For me the world is terribly uncertain, empty and boring. I am tormented by these questions all the time: "why" and "why".

Hey. Sure.
Well so honestly it's hard to describe. I have this feeling that normally thoughts will just flow around the room you are in. They aren't forced to stay in your head but with the constant thoughts I have sometimes it feels like they are building up in my head or mind or how it's called and it's just so many that they don't fit in my head anymore. It's weird cause the first time I had that feeling was on drugs ):
The thoughts can be all kinds of unwanted thoughts. It can be just animal crossing voices, it can be the memories of gore pictures or videos I've accidentally been exposed to when I was younger. Then my mind might tell me I'm a bad person for that and I get the flashes of being scared what happened to me or might happen to me because of that. I get flashbacks of my past when I did a huge mistake and my mind sometimes plays on me and makes me think I could go back in time again. I get flashbacks from random moments in my past when things where still alright.
I also get these scary thoughts of how evil the world we live in is and how I wanna protect everyone but Im not able to. I get weird flashes of me committing cbt and then I hear my moms screams very loudly. But I also do get thoughts of why? Well honestly the why is in my head constantly "why why why why why?" Why did this happen to me? Why do we even exists? Why me? Why is the world so cruel? Why does the world work like this?

So yeah a lot of thoughts that I can't really control and that drive me crazy. Another thing is and that's why it's often hard to go outside. I constantly hear people talking about me or watching me and I can't tell if it real or not and get panic attacks.
Sorry if this all is too much information lol

 

[venin]

@Starry✧･ﾟDaze Im so sorry you are dealing with this too. While my sleep schedule is completely to be thrown in the trash I'm lucky that I'm able to sleep. It's honestly the only time I think in wich I do not have the constant painful thoughts and the feeling of these thoughts making my head explode is gone as well when asleep. Makes sense I guess. That's why I tend to oversleep. Sometimes sleeping maybe 15 hours a day.

While I hate that other people are going through this as well, it is kind of helping to know that I'm not alone with this. We are not alone

I feel you with this. I don't cut myself but I pick on my skin a lot or put pressure on my fingers or something.

Oh, how much I relate with the term "painful thoughts"

Hi :)
May I ask what kind of thoughts you have? I have the same problem related to philosophy. For me the world is terribly uncertain, empty and boring. I am tormented by these questions all the time: "why" and "why".

Me 2. I also wanted to ask him that

 

[anaerobic_bacterium]

lately i started losing my mind. being specific the line between imagination and 'reality' slowly erasing and intrusive thoughts and constant influx of unasked disturbing fantasies only make it worse. reminds me on working on a severely infected windows desktop with a substantial lack of RAM. i started thinking in circles and to my dismay time perception considerably slowed down just before several days i get resources to finalize my self euthanizing plans. i hope that i just might be connected to a life sustaining machine in a sensory deprivation chamber and so called 'reality' just fed in my brain through brain-computer interface it'll explain a lot why when i see dreams they aren't much different from 'reality' i perceive

The thoughts can be all kinds of unwanted thoughts. It can be just animal crossing voices, it can be the memories of gore pictures or videos I've accidentally been exposed to when I was younger. Then my mind might tell me I'm a bad person for that and I get the flashes of being scared what happened to me or might happen to me because of that. I get flashbacks of my past when I did a huge mistake and my mind sometimes plays on me and makes me think I could go back in time again. I get flashbacks from random moments in my past when things where still alright.

 

[venin]

Hey. Sure.
Well so honestly it's hard to describe. I have this feeling that normally thoughts will just flow around the room you are in. They aren't forced to stay in your head but with the constant thoughts I have sometimes it feels like they are building up in my head or mind or how it's called and it's just so many that they don't fit in my head anymore. It's weird cause the first time I had that feeling was on drugs ):
The thoughts can be all kinds of unwanted thoughts. It can be just animal crossing voices, it can be the memories of gore pictures or videos I've accidentally been exposed to when I was younger. Then my mind might tell me I'm a bad person for that and I get the flashes of being scared what happened to me or might happen to me because of that. I get flashbacks of my past when I did a huge mistake and my mind sometimes plays on me and makes me think I could go back in time again. I get flashbacks from random moments in my past when things where still alright.
I also get these scary thoughts of how evil the world we live in is and how I wanna protect everyone but Im not able to. I get weird flashes of me committing cbt and then I hear my moms screams very loudly. But I also do get thoughts of why? Well honestly the why is in my head constantly "why why why why why?" Why did this happen to me? Why do we even exists? Why me? Why is the world so cruel? Why does the world work like this?

So yeah a lot of thoughts that I can't really control and that drive me crazy. Another thing is and that's why it's often hard to go outside. I constantly hear people talking about me or watching me and I can't tell if it real or not and get panic attacks.
Sorry if this all is too much information lol

The whys are always in my head too
You sound like a nice, empathetic person btw

 

[ZoloftSüchtig]

lately i started losing my mind. being specific the line between imagination and 'reality' slowly erasing and intrusive thoughts and constant influx of unasked disturbing fantasies only make it worse. reminds me on working on a severely infected windows desktop with a substantial lack of RAM. i started thinking in circles and to my dismay time perception considerably slowed down just before several days i get resources to finalize my self euthanizing plans. i hope that i just might be connected to a life sustaining machine in a sensory deprivation chamber and so called 'reality' just fed in my brain through brain-computer interface it'll explain a lot why when i see dreams they aren't much different from 'reality' i perceive

What you write I totally get it. You have a good way of describing it. Too many thoughts for your system to handle them. And the important tasks can't be done properly anymore cause these unwanted thoughts take up too much cpu

Oh, how much I relate with the term "painful thoughts"

Me 2. I also wanted to ask him that

It's so sad that others can relate to this. That others suffer from it too ):
I wish I could do something to make these painful thoughts go away. But I've tried a lot. Only thing that's helping a bit it Zoloft, that's why In addicted to it. I tried stopping but it gets so so so much worse when I stop it.

I'm a she btw (:

And thank you my mind is often trying to tell me I'm a bad person ): that's one of the constant thoughts I have as well. You seem like a very empathetic nice person too.