Venting My Combo of Disabilities is Affecting my Quality of Life

[mutething]

I am 21 years old and have been diagnosed with selective mutism (I am UNABLE to speak 70% of the time. I can only physically talk to three people in my life due to aniexty. Even then I can not speak most of the time even to the people I love most due to my aniexty), autism, and C-PTSD from years of mistreatment due to my disability and queerness. My quality of life is degrading. I am trying to implement AAC (Alternative and Augmentative Communication) so I can pass through daily life. However, I have horrible imposter syndrome and internalize ableism like I don't deserve these things because I can talk on occasion with people in my home, but not outside. Because I feel like a inconvenience to everyone so I just stay inside and do nothing.

I have struggled with this on and off since I was first diagnosed at 6. I feel hopeless. I can't get employed anywhere. I don't even think I could keep a job even if I wanted to. I am really trying to push it through but I have been researching my methods of CTB because this life is unbareable even on several medications (I have tried many)

Thank you for taking time to read this & god speed.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really awful and tiring what you have to go through, it's certainly such a horrible world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[mutething]

That must be really awful and tiring what you have to go through, it's certainly such a horrible world we exist in where people suffer all through no fault of their own. But anyway I wish you the best.

I really hope one day more people learn about selective mutism. People think it is a choice when it isn't and it is debilitating. I can't even talk to my partner most of the time. Its random... I just freeze. Its embarrassing and almost dehumanizing, especially when my muteness and awkwardness just ends with most people laughing at me, ignoring me all together, or straight up anger.

I'm going to try a few more things before I decide if CTB is for me, but I appreciate your response.

Existence truly is pain.