Venting my cats

[wastingpotential]

if anyone cares to read my previous posts, it'd make this more understandable of a read. (i think.)

i haven't posted here in awhile, i really don't know what to say in or out of here anymore. i'm a shell of a human, i don't feel i exist.
you know the mandela effect? butterfly effect? whatever? i feel that i'm one of those, i feel i should've been gone already, be it in may or april or even years before when my previous attempts had failed, i don't feel real or that my body should even be here, walking or standing or whatnot.

as much as i tried, it's been hard to navigate life, i didn't want to go through anything that much anymore and just living has been exhausting even though i've spent all of summer now cooped up in a bedroom and doing nothing, just mourning everything i've been through.

after months of trying to get in touch with an association/shelter i had to put my cats in, today i've been given the news they passed away from a virus going around that shelter, it's taken me weeks to get a response out of them when all i wanted to know was how they were doing. all my reason to be going up until now was the hope of reuniting with my cats one day, and that's all i've been told now.

i'm pretty much done now, my life has been taken from me and ruined by people i wanted to leave in my past years ago but kept coming back to haunt me, and anybody who i wished could comfort me now is either very far away or just. don't care about me.

i'm sorry this whole post sounds so confusing and secretive almost. something bad and new happens everyday of my life and it's hard to keep track. but this was just it for me now

thank you for reading.
to my cats, who i promised on the day i first got you when you were little kittens hiding under my bed, that i'd keep you safe forever and protect you, i'm so fucking sorry i failed you my loves, for all this pain and suffering that's been dealt you were never to be a victim of it. i'll hate myself until my last breath over this.
i love you forever.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be so painful what you've been through, existence is just too cruel.

 

[アホペンギン]

if anyone cares to read my previous posts, it'd make this more understandable of a read. (i think.)

i haven't posted here in awhile, i really don't know what to say in or out of here anymore. i'm a shell of a human, i don't feel i exist.
you know the mandela effect? butterfly effect? whatever? i feel that i'm one of those, i feel i should've been gone already, be it in may or april or even years before when my previous attempts had failed, i don't feel real or that my body should even be here, walking or standing or whatnot.

as much as i tried, it's been hard to navigate life, i didn't want to go through anything that much anymore and just living has been exhausting even though i've spent all of summer now cooped up in a bedroom and doing nothing, just mourning everything i've been through.

after months of trying to get in touch with an association/shelter i had to put my cats in, today i've been given the news they passed away from a virus going around that shelter, it's taken me weeks to get a response out of them when all i wanted to know was how they were doing. all my reason to be going up until now was the hope of reuniting with my cats one day, and that's all i've been told now.

i'm pretty much done now, my life has been taken from me and ruined by people i wanted to leave in my past years ago but kept coming back to haunt me, and anybody who i wished could comfort me now is either very far away or just. don't care about me.

i'm sorry this whole post sounds so confusing and secretive almost. something bad and new happens everyday of my life and it's hard to keep track. but this was just it for me now

thank you for reading.
to my cats, who i promised on the day i first got you when you were little kittens hiding under my bed, that i'd keep you safe forever and protect you, i'm so fucking sorry i failed you my loves, for all this pain and suffering that's been dealt you were never to be a victim of it. i'll hate myself until my last breath over this.
i love you forever.

Im so sorry you had to go through this, I ca definitely see how this has impacted you, maybe try to give your cats to a friend of yours, if anyone cares enough to do that for you. If someone accepts the offer but asks why you're giving the cats, you can either dismiss their question or say you're going on a trip or something and it will be long, hence, you will be worried about the cats staying alone at home for a while. I'm sure your cats love you as much as you love them

 

[wastingpotential]

Im so sorry you had to go through this, I ca definitely see how this has impacted you, maybe try to give your cats to a friend of yours, if anyone cares enough to do that for you. If someone accepts the offer but asks why you're giving the cats, you can either dismiss their question or say you're going on a trip or something and it will be long, hence, you will be worried about the cats staying alone at home for a while. I'm sure your cats love you as much as you love them

my post states that they passed away
no friend was able to keep them before i had to give them up to the cat shelter they were in, i was given no time and no other option

 

[アホペンギン]

my post states that they passed away
no friend was able to keep them before i had to give them up to the cat shelter they were in, i was given no time and no other option

Oh i didn't read the whole thing, lol. I'm tired rn

 

[Sweet Tart]

I'm so sorry this tragedy happened. You did the best you could for your kitties and it sounds like you showed them so much love. They knew you loved them. Sending you hugs.

 

[decaying]

i am so sorry. it wasn't your fault about what happened to your cats. i can tell that you cared for them very much-- they must have passed knowing they were loved.

just from reading this post you seem like a kind person. life is so unfair and cruel. i hope things get better and you can find happiness.

 

[Justnotme]

I am very sorry (I really wish you to be reunited with your beloved cats after your death
I do not know which path you will choose: to die by your own hand or still live in this world
But anyway, I want you to see your cats again after you leave this planet

 

[Elle]

Sorry for your loss, my friend

 

[ApparentlyNot]

I had to go cry and hug my kitties after reading this. I am so so sorry, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. It only makes sense that this would effect you so much, I would be in the same boat - it is so shocking, and you're blaming yourself. I still cannot wrap my head around what this shelter has done and how they handled things. Please take your time to grieve them. Thank you for giving them all the love that you did. Sadly, so many cats never get to experience having a person like you.

 

[wastingpotential]

I had to go cry and hug my kitties after reading this. I am so so sorry, words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. It only makes sense that this would effect you so much, I would be in the same boat - it is so shocking, and you're blaming yourself. I still cannot wrap my head around what this shelter has done and how they handled things. Please take your time to grieve them. Thank you for giving them all the love that you did. Sadly, so many cats never get to experience having a person like you.

thank you for the words, hug your cats tight for me. god knows what i'd give to hug mine now

 

[wastingpotential]

i've been trying to get answers out of this shelter all day about what happened and they told me my cats have been dead for about a week now. what the fuck

i've been trying to get answers out of this shelter all day about what happened and they told me my cats have been dead for about a week now. what the fuck

i've spent weeks since i had to leave them with that shelter trying to text and get responses out of them and when i finally get something it's already been a week of their passing. what the fuck?