Story My brother's girlfriend killed herself, and I want to KMS

[Shinbu]

I'm at my grandparents, and my mom called me telling me about it. His girlfriend hung herself today at her parents. My brother, and his gf would always talk on the phone till midnight. I only met her once, but whaaaat. This is poor timing. I want to kms sometime in feb, and my brother is already mourning over someone's death. I'm going to feel guilty now if I do carry on with my plan. It would be x2 the pain to him. He loses his brother, and gf in Feb if I do that. I feel too much pressure, and March is next. I can't do it in March, because that's my birthday month. I don't want to wait any longer damn it. Life is very cruel. It's so hideous. If I only If I was never born, he wouldn't have to deal with my death in the future. I don't know what's my brother is like. We drifted apart when he got older. We live under the same roof, and I don't know how to talk to him, other than saying hi, and saying how are you. I don't know what to do now. I fucking hate the situation I'm in rn.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Wow I'm not even sure what to say to that. I'm so sorry. Hugs.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I don't know what to do now. I fucking hate the situation I'm in rn.

This is indeed challenging. I'd like to offer my perspective, but please note I am not encouraging you to ctb. That is your choice to pursue or not.

In my experience, guilt messages say that one is responsible for the well-being of others, when it is in fact their responsibility. The messages also say that any efforts we place toward our own well-being will always be invalid when weighed against another's well-being. They say we can only experience well-being if others provide it for us and give their permission to experience it, which paradoxically blocks us from taking responsibility for our own well-being.

I would suggest that you learned the guilt message in an environment that sought to control you and denied your autonomy.

I affirm your autonomy, and I have no desire to control you. For all I know, guilt messages could be motivating you to ctb, not just prohibiting it.

 

[Heady_Cerebrum]

Are you sure you're really ready to end it all? When you say you can't end it all in March because of your birthday, I get the sense that you maybe aren't ready, and that's okay. If you still have hope, please keep trying at life.

 

[Shinbu]

Okay. If you see me banned in Feb that means I caught the bus, and If I don't in Feb. Then you know that I picked April as my checkout month. Thank you for the support guys, and girls.