Venting My brother wants to ctb but I don't think he should

[porcupinetree]

My brother is absolutely desperate for a gf. He had gone through 3 so far. First one was abusive/manipulative. She would threaten to kill herself a lot over him doing stuff she didn't like, she asked him to cut her, (which he did) and she would just emotional abuse him to think that only she mattered. He went through an on and off relationship with her and then he FINALLY broke up in feb. His second one he met when he was in a psych ward and broke up with her when she was cheating on him after a week. Third one he also met when he was in a psych ward. This one actually respected him, but she started ghosted him and hasn't texted/spoke to him since july, and it really shook him up. He almost succeeded in hanging himself over his first gf. He wants to kill himself because he thinks nobody loves him and he will never get a gf. He's only 15 and he doesn't know everything. I just want him to stop getting so attached to these women and move on. I'm not against suicide usually but I just want people to really think before doing so. I personally don't think letting 3 people have you ctb is really worth it. There's plenty of other women out there. I just wish I could help him but he refuses to listen to anyone and he always thinks he's right. I want him to realize there's more to life than dating. The only reason he said he won't ctb is because of my dad and mom, but not me. Like jesus christ just say you hate me.

 

[Dying2077]

You seem to be a good brother. Thank you for taking care of your brother

 

[LaVieEnRose]

jesus christ just say you hate me.

He's a teenager dealing with mental illness. Try not to take it personally.

Is he in any kind of treatment?

 

[Foreverix]

Well, he's 15, there's very little he's saying to you that should be taken personally. Growing up is a kind of mental disorder on its own. Suicidal thoughts only act as an accelerant.

All you can do is listen. Even if you feel like he hates you, try to make yourself available to just listen. Ask some questions, sure. But listening is key.

Don't try to dissuade him or push him in any direction.

 

[tfnb]

He's a teenager in crisis with noted mental health issues. Teenagers all know everything and you're trying to talk sense into him that he doesn't want to hear. Of course he's going to say hurtful things. Just be there for him and keep in mind what you'd think if you heard the same lines that people use about ctb

 

[FuneralCry]

After all if people want to cease existing on their own terms then that's their decision, not anybody else's, nobody is obligated to continue suffering until they die anyway.

 

[Zaphkiel]

ALl of the above, exept FC (sorry FC, but dude is just too young and tasting his first bittersweet love dramas and at those age, they hurt tenfold)
Keep being a good bro, if he went through 3 GF in 3 months he hould realize that it's a volatile thing at some point and not worth it to CTB for.
You may try to help him to get into this conclusion, but dont push him too fast. Your presence will be enough.
keep an eye on him

All that said we know nothing else about hom or his life except this thread.

 

[porcupinetree]

After all if people want to cease existing on their own terms then that's their decision, not anybody else's, nobody is obligated to continue suffering until they die anyway.

I know that these things are not up to me, I just don't think it's the right decision considering how young he is, and how little he really knows about handling rejections. It will also shake up the whole family, how my parents are already mentally unstable. I think killing yourself over 3 gfs that never really cared about you isn't the best. There's more to life than having a gf. You DONT need one to be happy!! Killing himself isn't the right decision, he needs to learn how to handle rejection.

He's a teenager dealing with mental illness. Try not to take it personally.

Is he in any kind of treatment?

Yes, he along with me and my parents are in family therapy. Neither me or my brother want to be there, but we'll have to see how it goes.

 

[wildflowers1996]

I completely see where you're coming from I can so easily imagine your brother in a few years' time saying he's glad he didn't do it and being in a happy relationship I don't want to minimise his suffering though idk I wish I knew what to suggest :(

 

[porcupinetree]

I completely see where you're coming from I can so easily imagine your brother in a few years' time saying he's glad he didn't do it and being in a happy relationship I don't want to minimise his suffering though idk I wish I knew what to suggest :(

It's ok. You don't have to say anything. I just want people to listen. :)

 

[voyager]

This is a tricky one. He really is only 15, but on the other hand, what's he doing in wards and trying to kill himself? Point being, there could be some underlying issue here, which might carry into adulthood as well. You're perfectly right, a relationship isn't everything, your brother shouldn't get so invested in them, especially not at that age and one needs to be happy for onself etc. but it's also possible that he's compensating for something. He seems to have very low esteem and is making himself dependent on others in this regard, which could be fatal. It might indeed pass or carry on into adulthood, depending on what's causing this.

My brother is in his early 40s now and just the same. Each new girlfriend, and there's been plenty, is the love of his life. He'll glorify them, do and drop anyting for them and when they split up he'll usually resort to drugs/alcohol, losing his job, ruining himself financially and forefeiting his property. Which is bad enough, but he also neglected his son who's now in a foster home because he was away six weeks while the proceedings were running with a girl he barely knew and there's been others since. It's pointless getting him to change his ways.

Maybe you're brother will grow out of it, I really do hope so, but if there is an underlying issue here he might very well need help and if it doesn't work for him (once he's grown up) then of course it's his call to make. As the others have said though, you're trying to be a good brother, so don't take it personal. Teenagers are a mess, especially in his state.