My birthday wish is for death

[darkenmydoorstep]

It's my birthday next week, will be 50. I'm going on a big trip and I just can't get excited at all. Just lie here crying.

All I want for my birthday is a one way trip out of here.

The man I love treats me indifferently, I could be anyone. He blocks me on social media and occasionally replies to my emails.

My home life is volatile AF - every night spitting, shouting or stuff being chucked about.

Keep thinking I should come off social media but without that I'd have even less, wouldn't I?

I wish birthdays didn't exist and no-one knew and I could just not bother.

 

[cheese.out]

Im so sorry that you are in so much suffering rn - but Im glad that you vent and sharing your thoughts with us. Sending you lots of hugs

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Thank you, lovely. Your kindness means a lot.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Im sorry your feeling this way, you dont deserve any of this pain ;( i wish you the best <3

 

[Patches]

No one deserves that. I'm sorry.

Is independence an option for you? So you can clear your mind and think about what you want.

I don't know where you are, but we have shelters for abuse victims. It at least gives them a safe place while they get their lives sorted out.

I hope for your safety and well being.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really dreadful what you are going through, I understand why you'd just wish to be free from it all. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Catch-22]

It's my birthday next week, will be 50. I'm going on a big trip and I just can't get excited at all. Just lie here crying.

All I want for my birthday is a one way trip out of here.

The man I love treats me indifferently, I could be anyone. He blocks me on social media and occasionally replies to my emails.

My home life is volatile AF - every night spitting, shouting or stuff being chucked about.

Keep thinking I should come off social media but without that I'd have even less, wouldn't I?

I wish birthdays didn't exist and no-one knew and I could just not bother.

I'm sorry for your pain. My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and I wish for the same.. not too exist anymore.

 

[Meteora]

How was your birthday in the end?

Mine is at the beginning of May..... turning 46..... well.... don't know if I make it to ctb before.... guess not though since I changed method.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

How was your birthday in the end?

Mine is at the beginning of May..... turning 46..... well.... don't know if I make it to ctb before.... guess not though since I changed method.

It came and went and was uneventful/low key but I survived it. Feel so up and down at the moment. I'm going away on my big trip away on Thursday but I wish i'd booked to go to Peru instead to get some pentobarbital instead. I've just had enough.
Maybe I can plan that trip when I get back, finances permitting.
Hope your birthday goes okay for you xx

 

[Meteora]

Thank you. I honestly wished I was dead before it. I have a hard time setting a date. Don't know how ppl do that. What trip are you going on?
Pentobarbital would be the best!!