My friends make me feel like shit constantly and i feel like i'm not very welcomed or trusted in my friend group and i have no idea why. I'm not a gossiper or anything and even my "bestfriend" makes me feel like this. She tries to control me and thinks i'll be her little dog. I have confronted her about it and she just makes me feel worse and i know that i should probably get away from her cause she's toxic but the thing is i really truly love her and i do consider her my bestfriend even tho we fight. What should i do? I feel like this is the only site i can come to.
It's just my experience, but I feel some of us just bring out the worst in others. If we're also sensitive (other people don't care about their effects on others), we can stew over the negativity we're aware of partly causing. For maaaaaaaany years, I tried changing who I am. I did therapy--private and group--to learn how to interact with others. I paid gobs of money for seminars on being productively social. I committed to memory and practiced religiously the counsel in pop lit like Dale Carnegie's
How To Win Friends And Influence People. None of my efforts ever amounted to much. At best, I can be professional and distant. I can't have personal relationships. I don't get along with anyone. I don't even know why. I've stopped asking. My friends were all major sources of pain for me. The presumption. The competition. The belittlement. The oblique insults. The always
it's-about-me attitude--and their shameless disinterest on the rare occasion you start speaking about yourself. The inevitable abandonment when they met other (interesting) people or got into intimate relationships. All this in a culture that encourages people to dump drags and live the most giddily happy lives possible. If I'd had my life together enough to rescue a needy animal, I'd have done that and forgotten about other people.
I hope you're different from me. If you're not, would it work for you to find another non-human way to satisfy a need for companionship? Wish you the best.
