My best friend killed himself

[StillBreathing]

This weekend my best friend killed himself. I feel empty, not sad, angry or anything. Probably because I know the feeling of not wanting to live.

I knew he was struggling and we talked a lot about these things but I had no idea he planned on leaving without a word.

I am confused why he would go without telling me. We always had deep and interesting conversations, talking about everything both good and bad. Seeing how quickly he is forgotten amongst our common friends is surreal..

It feels like I am not mourning the loss of my friend, but that he felt he could not tell me his darkest thoughts.

I got better for a while and probably won't follow him yet.. But this all has made me think about what is the point of staying if even my closest friends feel the same.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

I understand that pain as i lost my partner. talk to me if you need anything. im sending all the love i can your way

 

[TheMetalhead]

Sorry for your loss... I have had acquaintances killing themselves, but not a best friend. It's hard to get through.
We can only imagine your pain right now.
I hope you reach peace at last, be it joining your friend or moving on.. sending virtual hugs..

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I'm sorry for your loss.
Perhaps your friend didn't want you to feel responsible if you knew of his plan and didn't stop him.
I don't plan on telling anyone either. I don't want any legal repurcussions for anyone.

 

[StillBreathing]

I'm sorry for your loss.
Perhaps your friend didn't want you to feel responsible if you knew of his plan and didn't stop him.
I don't plan on telling anyone either. I don't want any legal repurcussions for anyone.

That makes sense. I guess it is the lesser evil, not knowing.

Thank you all for your kind words, I appreciate it.

 

[offtoseethewizard]

I had a friend do the same recently. i remember being sad but not surprised by how quickly people who knew them went from a heartfelt post about them passing to another happy post about some holiday or something as inane literally a day later. But we're not built to dwell on death, I guess it's a survival instinct. It's sad. We're ephemeral, really

 

[undecided]

Do YOU plan on telling anyone you're leaving?

 

[Worndown]

He had to be in a very bad place. Telling anyone might have been beyond his ability.

 

[zoetrope]

This weekend my best friend killed himself. I feel empty, not sad, angry or anything. Probably because I know the feeling of not wanting to live.

I knew he was struggling and we talked a lot about these things but I had no idea he planned on leaving without a word.

I am confused why he would go without telling me. We always had deep and interesting conversations, talking about everything both good and bad. Seeing how quickly he is forgotten amongst our common friends is surreal..

It feels like I am not mourning the loss of my friend, but that he felt he could not tell me his darkest thoughts.

I got better for a while and probably won't follow him yet.. But this all has made me think about what is the point of staying if even my closest friends feel the same.

Im so scared of leaving my best friend, im sorry you're going through this. I like to believe he thought of you and love for you before he left. I dont plan on telling my best friend when i ctb the thought pains me. I just know he had to have left knowing youd be ok

 

[tubs35]

I'm sorry for your loss. Coming from someone that's currently in the middle of their plan waiting on burning coals, it is impossible (at least to me) to reach out and say what's going on. If I did I'd say someone would try to intervene at some point and could make my life even worse than it already is. I don't know what their situation was, but that's kinda where I'm at. Anyways I'm sorry again for your loss and I hope you find the strength to remember them for who they were

 

[StillBreathing]

Do YOU plan on telling anyone you're leaving?

I only wished I knew things were this bad. I understand that he didn't tell anyone about it (his plans on leaving), I would not either.

 

[jbear824]

Try not to view it as a personal affront to you. There are many reasons and factors that might have led him to not telling anyone, including you.

 

[undecided]

I only wished I knew things were this bad. I understand that he didn't tell anyone about it, I would not either.

Exactly! I wouldn't either.

 

[UKscotty]

Telling people risks them either leaving us because we are a burden, or worse, doing something to stop us.

I definitely wouldn't tell anyone so I agree with your friend on this one. He's at peace and we are stuck in this cycle of false recovery and happiness.