Hi, I had name S1mpleme but I have removed all my accounts including SS and now I got a new account. Allow me to share with you my experience.
Last week I broke my phone and lost access to internet and basically everything. Who lives in US knows that all the phones are locked and you can't just switch between phones, you have to contact customer service. My phone is broken another one is locked and I didn't have have to call customer service so I had to go to a local store. In one of those store I had to deal with some asshole that tried to make on me couple hundreds. Also I live alone and have no one to ask for help and our amazing society so kind that nobody want to give you phone to make a call, even in emergency.
I had plans to CTB anytime soon, didn't know when exactly, but I didn't expect this happen to me. It freaked me out a lot. Not have access to my phone, internet, no people around, just 4 walls around like in a cage. I had panic attack these days, I didn't know what to do. Of crouse I'm not that stupid to call ambulance and pay bills for nothing. I decided to CTB, it is my time. And it wasn't impulsively, it was something like when you choosing what furniture to buy. I was calm enough last moment. Got everything done, suicide notes are ready. I took painkillers, I don't have any other meds. Didn't even drink alcohol, just in case. I took bottle with SN, but I felt something is wrong. I didn't pay attention before, but then I found there are some ingredients added to SN and yesterday I've checked CAS number and according to Google that's Hydrochloric Acid and the ingredients are Mono and Dimethyl Naphthalene Sulfanates.
Long story short, I didn't take that fake SN and got drunk. I don't know what kind of poison is that but I finaly got my phone and I'll do some research about it. But the main reason why I actually failed - I was too scared. I don't know is that SI or something else, but now I know I really need someone to be with me. I mean I don't ask anyone to CTB with me but to be around when I CTB. I have post in Partners Megathread, if anyone interested let me know. I'm so weak, I can't do it alone, I thought I can, but I'm not.
I have paid for everything for this month, so I'll try again in the end of this month if everything will be fine. I have get SN (this time the right one) and also I'll try to get N, it sounds more peaceful despite its price. I feel really lost and even more lonely, I don't know what to do.
Last week I broke my phone and lost access to internet and basically everything. Who lives in US knows that all the phones are locked and you can't just switch between phones, you have to contact customer service. My phone is broken another one is locked and I didn't have have to call customer service so I had to go to a local store. In one of those store I had to deal with some asshole that tried to make on me couple hundreds. Also I live alone and have no one to ask for help and our amazing society so kind that nobody want to give you phone to make a call, even in emergency.
I had plans to CTB anytime soon, didn't know when exactly, but I didn't expect this happen to me. It freaked me out a lot. Not have access to my phone, internet, no people around, just 4 walls around like in a cage. I had panic attack these days, I didn't know what to do. Of crouse I'm not that stupid to call ambulance and pay bills for nothing. I decided to CTB, it is my time. And it wasn't impulsively, it was something like when you choosing what furniture to buy. I was calm enough last moment. Got everything done, suicide notes are ready. I took painkillers, I don't have any other meds. Didn't even drink alcohol, just in case. I took bottle with SN, but I felt something is wrong. I didn't pay attention before, but then I found there are some ingredients added to SN and yesterday I've checked CAS number and according to Google that's Hydrochloric Acid and the ingredients are Mono and Dimethyl Naphthalene Sulfanates.
Long story short, I didn't take that fake SN and got drunk. I don't know what kind of poison is that but I finaly got my phone and I'll do some research about it. But the main reason why I actually failed - I was too scared. I don't know is that SI or something else, but now I know I really need someone to be with me. I mean I don't ask anyone to CTB with me but to be around when I CTB. I have post in Partners Megathread, if anyone interested let me know. I'm so weak, I can't do it alone, I thought I can, but I'm not.
I have paid for everything for this month, so I'll try again in the end of this month if everything will be fine. I have get SN (this time the right one) and also I'll try to get N, it sounds more peaceful despite its price. I feel really lost and even more lonely, I don't know what to do.
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