Venting My attempt to get help isn't helpful

[TheLostCause]

So im inpatient, voluntary hence why I haven't been active at all since the hospital wifi blocks this site.
I explained at the end of November to my psychiatrist about my suicidal thoughts and intentions, in an attempt to try get help before i go through with anything. He asked if i would rather recieve treatment at home or go into hospital. I chose hospital as being home was a massive cause of stress for me and as i had taken 4 overdoses in 2 months and failed. So I hoped hospital would be of some help.
I knew ide find it hard as im so terrified when it comes to people, ive managed to open up about everything, all my thoughts and intentions. My partner left days before xmas, im still in hospital, so im gonna go home to an empty house. Ive not been helped with my self harm or suicidal thoughts. The psychiatrist here wants me to go home because im still self harming in hospital to the point of needing stitches. So to him its not keeping me safe, but in terms of me wanting to overdose it is. So looks like im gonna be going home after 5 weeks and be no better off, probably worse since my home situation has gone to shit and im all alone. So now I'm really not seeing the point in living much longer. I tried to get help and it failed.
So time for me to continue making plans for when i return home and now im going back to an empty house i can do it at home as there is noone to find me.

 

[Spitfire]

I imagine you are almost always around other people right now? When you go back home are you okay being by yourself, or no?

Welcome back though. Too bad it has not been more helpful experience. It was not helpful to me at all the time when I went in to a psychiatric facility either. I stopped all the new meds and got progressively worse and worse from there.

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear your experience with the hospital was so unproductive. It's interesting they allow patients the means to self harm, and then don't do anything to help. I can empathize with how it feels to go from family to loneliness. I'm sorry you have to endure that pain. We are here if you want company or to talk.

 

[TheLostCause]

I imagine you are almost always around other people right now? When you go back home are you okay being by yourself, or no?

Welcome back though. Too bad it has not been more helpful experience. It was not helpful to me at all the time when I went in to a psychiatric facility either. I stopped all the new meds and got progressively worse and worse from there.

Im around people all the time unless im in my room. I have no issues being alone but keeping myself safe alone, no i can't. But the psychiatrist doesn't seem to care. I tried not self harming and he suggested i go home the week after. So basically if i self harm he doesn't want me staying here but if I don't self harm he suggests i go home. So like?!? Just no hope for me.

Sorry to hear your experience with the hospital was so unproductive. It's interesting they allow patients the means to self harm, and then don't do anything to help. I can empathize with how it feels to go from family to loneliness. I'm sorry you have to endure that pain. We are here if you want company or to talk.

I brought razor blades in with me and they didn't search my bags enough to find them. Just now i asked to go out for a walk and they tried saying i had to go with someone cause ive obtained blades when ive been out alone, ive never even been out alone. The staff just doesn't want to accept responsibility for not finding the blades.

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh man, I really feel you!
Sorry you had to go through hell even though you really looked for help.
I tried to get help too and I thought I was gonna become a pro-lifer but in the end, depression won and I'm all suicidal again.

Wish you the best and hope you can find peace!

 

[Spitfire]

Im around people all the time unless im in my room. I have no issues being alone but keeping myself safe alone, no i can't. But the psychiatrist doesn't seem to care. I tried not self harming and he suggested i go home the week after. So basically if i self harm he doesn't want me staying here but if I don't self harm he suggests i go home. So like?!? Just no hope for me.

If you are home and do not feel safe and want to try and get a little help or understanding, If that happens, you can always come on here to try and not be as alone.

I think it is awesome you wanted to and tried. It is unfortunate to me hearing this experience has not been more helpful overall to you, especially at this point a few weeks in the place.

Maybe you will get good or better follow up care service from another place with other people after you get home still too?

 

[TheLostCause]

If you are home and do not feel safe and want to try and get a little help or understanding, If that happens, you can always come on here to try and not be as alone.

I think it is awesome you wanted to and tried. It is unfortunate to me hearing this experience has not been more helpful overall to you, especially at this point a few weeks in the place.

Maybe you will get good or better follow up care service from another place with other people after you get home still too?

Im already with a community mental health team before i came into inpatient. They are of no use otherwise I wouldn't have come here to begin with. Ile just be referred back to them when i leave.