My anxiety’s “what ifs”

[SpiderLink]

I feel I've tried so hard to try and recover. And it has failed. But there's a part of me that's like "what if there's something that can help" "what if there is a way to heal" stuff like that. I've been suicidal for a couple of years, and it's like dam I want to leave from this world, but a part of me is like I want to keep trying and maybe my thoughts are wrong. But everytime I do this, I just get hurt. I've made a statement like this on an Instagram post "depression and anxiety r a couple, but a toxic couple" like I can never find a middle ground between them, I view it as depression as person in me and anxiety as a person in me. Can they just get along? Lol. I really want answers, and I'm never getting them, but everytime that small part of me try's to combat them and hope that there's something when I know a certain part of me knows there isn't. And my views can switch very fast. Idk I'm very weird and got a lot of diagnoses and like mixing a bad combo of each other. Anyways, just wondering if anyone can relate? And what they do?

 

[Sluggish_Slump]

I think it's difficult to untangle the mess that these thoughts can make inside our heads, depression and anxiety can have so many different types of relationships and in each person the chain of cause and effect could be wildly different