My anxiety goes through the roof - the next days gonna be rough

[noname223]

Tomorrow the assessor of the care money case will come to my home. If I get the money which is unlikely but not impossible this could literally save my life. It would be approximately 450 Euros per month extra. I tried the test several times and the last time I got 32 points. 27 points is enough to get the money. If I score below we won't get any money. Actually it might depend on whether visiting a suicide forum counts as self-hatrm and planning my suicide. If not I will ask her whether watching gore/people dying/suicides counts as self-harm. Yes, I will make an ass out of myself. But I am so fucking desperate.

I am so fucking scared about this appointment tomorrow. I did a lot of research and talked with my parents about it for several hours.

Moreover, tomorrow I will go as usually to my self-help group. I might meet my secret crush again. But I think I should give up on her. 2 weeks ago we had a great conversation and I love how she laughs about every single joke I drop. Though I think she considers me a big red flag because I have so many severe issues.

The woman from a dating app wants a second date with me. She asked me yesterday maybe she wanted it today. But I told her I have to do something sadly. I did not tell her its the researcgh for the care money. So far I have not lied to her once. And I will try to continue that. I think barely any women would be interested in me if they were aware about my problems. I think this is why I idealize that woman in the self-help group. She knows my issues it would be so amazing if someone could simply accept me. With the woman of the dating app I have to play hide the ball. And hope she does not run away if one day I will tell her (parts of) the truth.

These two days could fuck me up completely. The date will be at 6 p.m. Usually I take my antipsychotics 7 p.m. I can't do this because they make me sleepy. I am scared to become paranoid. I will take sleeping pills the next two days.

Wednesday a friend will visit me.

And on Thursday I have an appointment with my psychiatrist.

I am so so fucking anxious.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck!!!

 

[katagiri83]

You will get through it. Good luck.

 

[enduringwinter]

The government tendency to submit vulnerable people against our will to a rat race of arbitrary point system no one understands and then not even reward us as promised after we sacrificed everything for "points".

Totally feel you, at least your parents are on your side though.

 

[bernara]

Good luck! I think that you should just be yourself during this assessment. As a member of SS, you, like nobody else, should know that the source of dismay in people's lives is the concept of life itself. Governments, in progressive countries at least, surely try very hard to help citizens in need, constantly solving this devilish global-scale trolley problem which never has a win-win solution. So, just be you, don't worry and show them that you are unwell and in great need of help.

 

[noname223]

This was embarrassing as fuck. Lmao. I told the truth but for which price. I hope so fucking much I get the money. Sometimes she was stunned about my answers. She was friendly though. Idk how to feel about it.