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9BBN

9BBN

Heaven, send Hell away
Mar 29, 2021
377
Anhedonia - the inability to feel pleasure
Ungratefulness - the lack of feeling gratitude

I don't have clinical anhedonia, but in my depression I do feel anhedonic. It's been a subject of interest to me ever since I began to think about the ways in which it is self-reinforcing (not good). In particular, ever since I've been feeling anhedonic, my social relationships have become more strenuous, for a few reasons:

1. The energy to maintain social relationships feels more burdensome because I derive less pleasure and energy from them
2. I connect with my friends and family less since I do not share similar enjoyment with them
3. Even when I'm feeling grateful, my anhedonia gets mistook for ungratefulness, which upsets my friends and family, and it is hard to reassure them passionately that I am grateful

There's not much I can really do about the first two things except force myself to be extroverted and feel empathetic (if not sympathetic) to my friends and family. Taking steps like forcing myself to exercise and text a few more people every day have helped.

The third reason is most interesting to me because I least expected it. To get to the point, I discovered that there's two ways to be ungrateful, not just one:

Ungratefulness - the lack of feeling gratitude, and the lack of expressing gratitude

Basically, I noticed that anhedonia dampens my expression of gratitude, which needs correcting. Saying thanks and complimenting others goes a long way, and with anhedonia we can forget how much others feel it. So for those of us struggling to escape the circle of depressive anhedonia, I hope this is helpful.

I put this under suicide discussion, not recovery, because I think it doesn't just apply to people trying to recover. In particular, as someone personally planning to catch the bus in the future, this realization encouraged me to write a suicide note. I think it can be both cathartic and helpful to leave a note behind expressing both my frustrations and my gratitude before I go.
 
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