Venting Mum wants to visit me

[NeCkDeEp]

I haven't seen my parents for 7 months now and my mum texted me today about wanting to visit me sometime, I try to keep it cool and to pretend that I'm really excited to see her.
Anyway in reality: the next time when she will see me will be to pick my body up, it's so hard to basically lie to her and to not spill anything about my plan to ctb soon.
It breaks my goddamn heart to read how excited she is to see me

 

[Moonicide]

I'm so sorry, love... This is one of the many reasons why I've slowly tried distancing from people, but they've noticed and felt the shift so I'm back to faking it until my day comes. I don't think they'll see it coming despite being aware of my struggles with mental illness.

Just know we're here for you and we will be here until your very last days.
I wish you nothing, but love and peace.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I'm so sorry, love... This is one of the many reasons why I've slowly tried distancing from people, but they've noticed and felt the shift so I'm back to faking it until my day comes. I don't think they'll see it coming despite being aware of my struggles with mental illness.

Just know we're here for you and we will be here until your very last days.
I wish you nothing, but love and peace.

Yeah I'm becoming more and more distant towards people as well and stopped with texting my mum a lot, to hopefully make it more bearable for her soon so she wouldn't miss texting me too much.
I'm so sorry to hear that people noticed that you are becoming more distant towards them, are you okay? Have you already got a day to ctb?

Same goes to you!

 

[Moonicide]

Yeah I'm becoming more and more distant towards people as well and stopped with texting my mum a lot, to hopefully make it more bearable for her soon so she wouldn't miss texting me too much.
I'm so sorry to hear that people noticed that you are becoming more distant towards them, are you okay? Have you already got a day to ctb?

Same goes to you!

Yeah, for sure. It's tough on us, but I know in the end we'll be okay and at peace with our decision. I've had good days and bad days. Very up and down as my ctb day gets closer. I'm not regretting my decision, I'm emotional because of the loved ones I'll be leaving behind and hurting. Hoping they'll forgive me one day for it. I am aiming for the 30th... I do not want to live to see 2020.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

Yeah, for sure. It's tough on us, but I know in the end we'll be okay and at peace with our decision. I've had good days and bad days. Very up and down as my ctb day gets closer. I'm not regretting my decision, I'm emotional because of the loved ones I'll be leaving behind and hurting. Hoping they'll forgive me one day for it. I am aiming for the 30th... I do not want to live to see 2020.

We will be, in all honesty: nothing is more important than us being in peace without suffering anymore.
Please embrace your good days and try to enjoy your good days as much as you can.
I understand and I do really hope that your loved ones will find their way to deal with your loss.
Have you already got the SN? Are you nervous?

 

[Moonicide]

We will be, in all honesty: nothing is more important than us being in peace without suffering anymore.
Please embrace your good days and try to enjoy your good days as much as you can.
I understand and I do really hope that your loved ones will find their way to deal with your loss.
Have you already got the SN? Are you nervous?

I have my SN, just waiting on my Meto. I ordered it almost 2 weeks ago, eeek~
But the source is trusted as many people here on SS have received their Meto through them.
How about you? Do you have everything set in place material wise?

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I have my SN, just waiting on my Meto. I ordered it almost 2 weeks ago, eeek~
But the source is trusted as many people here on SS have received their Meto through them.
How about you? Do you have everything set in place material wise?

Lucky you! Let's hope that your meto will arrive soon.
I haven't received anything yet and it's so frustrating because I really hoped to ctb this week and in all honesty: SN seems so peaceful.
I'm supposed to arrange an appointment at the GP for my mental health: I don't want to get better, there's no better. Even if things will go well it will be only going well for a few months and after that I will relapse in to my depression and wish to ctb.
So yeah I don't know or it will be the best if I'd lie to my friends if I haven't received SN by Monday yet because I just want to ctb instead of getting help oooff

 

[Santiago]

May I ask why you have never told her?

 

[NeCkDeEp]

May I ask why you have never told her?

I think that it would hurt her a lot if I'd confess that I'm planning to ctb soon and I don't want anyone trying to help me or convince me regarding my choice, it hurts to be alive.