Venting mum told me to kill myself

[purplehearted]

so, my mum told me to kill myself and her life would be better without me in it

this is the second time now, the first was the day after she found out about my first attempt (accidentally, the hospital called her).

no idea why you didn't just abort me. guess i'll just do it for you. i cant take the pain any more. I have my SN ready with anti emetics and benzos, all i need to do is take some time off work and book a hotel. i'm so incredibly excited to finally be free of all of this, that her hurtful words are barely affecting me.

thank you mum for finally giving me the encouragement to CTB <3

 

[MorsRomana]

Parents like this deserve an excruciating death themselves. Bitch conceived a child without any foresight just for him/her to suffer

 

[purplehearted]

Parents like this deserve an excruciating death themselves. Bitch conceived a child without any foresight just for him/her to suffer

She got pregnant with me at 21 and since she is religiously against abortion she chose to keep me. And now she hates me because i chose to leave this stupid fucking religion that she used to inflict so much pain onto me.

 

[eldiablo666]

She got pregnant with me at 21 and since she is religiously against abortion she chose to keep me. And now she hates me because i chose to leave this stupid fucking religion that she used to inflict so much pain onto me.

I'm sure she will face the wrath of God, don't spend any thoughts or energy on her.
She literally doesn't deserve to breathe our air.

 

[Pluto]

Sounds like the same religion that my mother followed. It's unthinkable to have an abortion, but it's OK to torment your children to death. A clever workaround.

 

[Dead Ghost]

In my house they say these things sometimes too, but they have to be understood in the right context.
When my mother sees me suffer so much... once, a few months ago, she told me that it was preferable that I die before her because she didn't know that it would be mine the day she was gone. And the other day she said he wanted to die so as not to see me suffer anymore.

But when it comes to the truth, words don't matter, only what's inside them (sadness, anger, helplessness...). Notice only this.

//

A casa meva també es diuen aquestes coses de vegades, però s'han d'entendre en el context correcte.
Quan la meva mare em veu patir tant... una vegada, fa pocs mesos, em va dir que era preferible que em moris jo abans que ella perquè no sabia que sería de mi el día que ella faltés. I un altre día va dir que volía morirse per no veure'm patir mes.

Però a l'hora de la veritat poc importen les paraules, només el que hi ha dins d'elles (tristesa, ràbia, impotència...). Fixa't en això només.

 

[eldiablo666]

Sounds like the same religion that my mother followed. It's unthinkable to have an abortion, but it's OK to torment your children to death. A clever workaround.

Parents are not good people. When will everyone learn this?

 

[Silent.Tears]

Noooo! I understand I really do how much it hurt hearing these kind of words from your own parent. I'm so sorry. I wish you would just move away somewhere, getting away from toxic people in your life really changes a lot of things. Wish you would just give it a try before thinking about ctb

 

[jodes2]

What a bitch. PLEASE don't let her push you to CTB, just move out asap and live a good life

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so horrific and cruel how people bring life into this world especially when they treat them like that. Of course it's awful how many people just inflict harm onto others and create more suffering. Procreation really is the most tragic thing.

 

[purplehearted]

In my house they say these things sometimes too, but they have to be understood in the right context.
When my mother sees me suffer so much... once, a few months ago, she told me that it was preferable that I die before her because she didn't know that it would be mine the day she was gone. And the other day she said he wanted to die so as not to see me suffer anymore.

But when it comes to the truth, words don't matter, only what's inside them (sadness, anger, helplessness...). Notice only this.

//

A casa meva també es diuen aquestes coses de vegades, però s'han d'entendre en el context correcte.
Quan la meva mare em veu patir tant... una vegada, fa pocs mesos, em va dir que era preferible que em moris jo abans que ella perquè no sabia que sería de mi el día que ella faltés. I un altre día va dir que volía morirse per no veure'm patir mes.

Però a l'hora de la veritat poc importen les paraules, només el que hi ha dins d'elles (tristesa, ràbia, impotència...). Fixa't en això només

Context really helps in these situations. Unfortunately my mum says them out of anger towards me, she hates me a lot. It really is painful hearing it from your own mother, but it gets easier over time. I wish she wanted to see me dead bc she didn't want to see me suffer, because then at least would that show that she cared.

 

[brokensea]

That's so awful. That is so painful and hurtful. Your own mother to say that to you. Parents who are supposed to look after us can be absolutely cruel. I hope you can believe that this says so much about her and nothing about you. How great you are, how much you deserve to be loved and cared for. Some people have toxic lives they pass onto others and some people are just sociopaths but it really truly has nothing to do with you or anything you did or who you are. They would be cruel to anyone in the same situation and nothing you do or don't do causes it. I wish you could stay with someone else or leave but I know sometimes in this life we don't have those options. I'm so sorry you had that happen to you.

 

[purplehearted]

Noooo! I understand I really do how much it hurt hearing these kind of words from your own parent. I'm so sorry. I wish you would just move away somewhere, getting away from toxic people in your life really changes a lot of things. Wish you would just give it a try before thinking about ctb

I understand where you're coming from, but i've struggled with SI since i was 9 years old and have been hopeful - i tried recovery, tried therapy and medication and nothing helped. Therapy actually made it worse bc it dug up past childhood trauma which i tried very hard to forget and i couldn't deal with. Im only 21 but i've lived a life full of pain and suffering I genuinely believe CTB is my only way out.

 

[Pluto]

Sounds like narcissistic parenting. The most sympathetic thing that can be said is that her inability to act with genuine love is a result of religious brainwashing, past trauma and mental illness. It is ultimately sickness rather than malice, not that that helps us.

Recovery attempts will always be futile if you are still living with a vampire. If you have anywhere safe to go, or are able to get a basic income and turn to house sharing sites, then the process of taking back your life can begin. I understand if it feels impossible, though.

 

[eldiablo666]

I understand where you're coming from, but i've struggled with SI since i was 9 years old and have been hopeful - i tried recovery, tried therapy and medication and nothing helped. Therapy actually made it worse bc it dug up past childhood trauma which i tried very hard to forget and i couldn't deal with. Im only 21 but i've lived a life full of pain and suffering I genuinely believe CTB is my only way out.

I don't doubt that you genuinely believe that but trust me, there can be a way out, and it doesn't have to be CTB.

Don't kill yourself because of your mother, she is nothing. I swear to god, she's NOTHING.

 

[freedomcalls]

I am so profoundly, deeply sorry for your pain

 

[purplehearted]

It really is so horrific and cruel how people bring life into this world especially when they treat them like that. Of course it's awful how many people just inflict harm onto others and create more suffering. Procreation really is the most tragic thing.

Agreed. I've always wanted to have a kid of my own, take care of them and love them, but the thought of them ever feeling this way prevents me from ever doing so. I never asked to be brought into this cruel world, so I cant bring myself to inflict it on an innocent, helpless child

Sounds like narcissistic parenting. The most sympathetic thing that can be said is that her inability to act with genuine love is a result of religious brainwashing, past trauma and mental illness. It is ultimately sickness rather than malice, not that that helps us.

Recovery attempts will always be futile if you are still living with a vampire. If you have anywhere safe to go, or are able to get a basic income and turn to house sharing sites, then the process of taking back your life can begin. I understand if it feels impossible, though.

You're right about the narcissistic parenting, my therapist said the same thing. Most of the time at home i've been able to avoid her, since we barely talked I thought recovering while living with her was OK, but she takes her anger out on me in such cruel ways which is adding fuel to my CTB fire. I have the option of leaving, but she doesn't want me to move out before marriage and before i've recovered from suicidal thoughts/depression. She was supportive in my attempts in recovery and encouraged me, but does a complete 180 whenever she's stressed or upset and says those cruel things to me in anger. It's genuinely so confusing. She usually apologises soon after but this time she said i deserved it.

 

[ClownMe]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can unfortunately relate to your situation

 

[Niirvana]

Sorry for ur situation. Unfortunately our parents were ignorant when they gave us life. But everything comes back, your mom is going to regret what she said.

 

[Pluto]

I have the option of leaving, but she doesn't want me to move out before marriage and before i've recovered from suicidal thoughts/depression. She was supportive in my attempts in recovery and encouraged me, but does a complete 180 whenever she's stressed or upset and says those cruel things to me in anger. It's genuinely so confusing. She usually apologises soon after but this time she said i deserved it.

Those outbursts are a part of a cycle. The same thing happens with domestic violence. There's a cycle of attack, then apology, then waiting for the next attack. Leaving tends to be the only option.

I know it is confusing. This is because narcissistic parenting is all about the parent, whereas proper parenting is about caring for the young person. It's a profound sickness. You have to learn to make your life about you, not about her - a radical shift. If you can leave, I feel that you should.

In relationships, you will need guidance to avoid creating more narcissistic patterns, because right now it's all you know. There are good people out there, though. You are worthy of real love and proper, consistent care. You have a right to be here. This is a message that you need to have drummed into you.

 

[BipolarExpress]

That's one of the worst things a parent can tell a child, along with "I wish you'd never been born."

 

[blackwidow]

Not all parents are bad.. And having babies is life, without them the is no existence of mankind. But your mother sounds pure evil... I wish I could just pick you up and look after you, show you what a real parents love feels like. Don't let her determine your future... rise above her.. get out of her life and leave her in her own misery. This is YOUR life not hers.. I hope you manage to find the strength to make something of it.

 

[Ceterum]

Agreed. I've always wanted to have a kid of my own, take care of them and love them, but the thought of them ever feeling this way prevents me from ever doing so. I never asked to be brought into this cruel world, so I cant bring myself to inflict it on an innocent, helpless child

Same here for a large part. Always wished to had a family of my own, but I am me with all my psyche and thus hardly see a way to make it work. When I saw suicide as the only answer that was okay, since I flirted with living it got hard to endure so it also slowly drives me back into darkness. I am not entirely sober, so I probably don't make much sense ...

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I just want to say I am so sorry for all the pain you have experienced. Nobody deserves that.

 

[theboy]

noooooo

 

[purplehearted]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can unfortunately relate to your situation

I'm so sorry too. It's so painful that the ones who are meant to love and protect us, wish to see us dead. I'm here for you

 

[Destiny Calls Me]

Ive had multiple instances where family says they love me and they will always be a support for me when needed. When issues arise or I need support and I call for help, nobody is there, and Im left dead in the water as I drift further and further away. Being told "I love you" hurts 100x more knowing they are just words having no type of action to support it.

 

[Banshee]

Welp, if you happen to not like your mother, make sure to make a public note and detail about how she would tell you to kill yourself. That'll most likely have her imprisoned for a few years.

 

[Dot]

Am srry tht u hd 2 hear tht OP - no1 shld hve 2 hear tht ftm n.e1 alne frm famly

kill the bitch

Undrstnd th/ sentimnt bt remmbr = SanctndSuicde - nt SanctndHomicde
Pls d/ nt encourge murdr

 

[Lostblackchild]

Am srry tht u hd 2 hear tht OP - no1 shld hve 2 hear tht ftm n.e1 alne frm famly



Undrstnd th/ sentimnt bt remmbr = SanctndSuicde - nt SanctndHomicde
Pls d/ nt encourge murdr

stfu