I think a lot of us are like that, I wanted to cut my brachial artery I have everything ready a warm bath, taking a lot of aspirin that day too, a very sharp knife, I am a butcher so that help and I located the best place to cut without going too deep. But I chickened out because of the pain I was going to cause, I did buy a bottle of vodka for help but wasn't sure that being drunk would help to be precise and fast ...
But I'am personally more afraid to fail ctb than to die