Mother is afraid to see me

[VisionsOfHell]

I am my parents only child. Once I disappear into the black void their bloodline will die out. It must be torture to mother, seeing me in this pathetic state and sensing that all the hope she clung to so desperately may vanish into thin air very soon.

Every room I 'claim' for myself has a lifeless and foretelling atmosphere. She must surely dread coming home from work everyday.
No words of value are spoken between us. No love do I feel for her, yet the pity I have for her restrains the anger and hatred.

 

[waterstrider]

I am an only child too.

I very much understand what you are going through.

From your description it sounds like you are suffering (from some sort of illness) already. If your mother truly loves you she only wants your well-being and won't care as much if with you the "blood-line" would vanish.

I'm sorry you are currently in a loveless atmosphere but at least you seem to not let hate carry you away because of it. Maybe try to tell her how you feel?

If it isn't possible you still have this place to vent any time you want to.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I am my parents only child. Once I disappear into the black void their bloodline will die out. It must be torture to mother, seeing me in this pathetic state and sensing that all the hope she clung to so desperately may vanish into thin air very soon.

Every room I 'claim' for myself has a lifeless and foretelling atmosphere. She must surely dread coming home from work everyday.
No words of value are spoken between us. No love do I feel for her, yet the pity I have for her restrains the anger and hatred.

Very nicely written. Why do you want to die?

 

[VisionsOfHell]

Very nicely written. Why do you want to die?

I told you before in PM did I not? I have a physical ilness that is very disabling and social anxiety, although the second one is a very minor reason compared to the first one.
Why are you like this all of a sudden? I'm sure you have good reason, no need to answer.

If your mother truly loves you she only wants your well-being and won't care as much if with you the "blood-line" would vanish.

I think its more love in a biological sense.

 

[waterstrider]

I think its more love in a biological sense.

Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. In my opinion parents should love their children unconditionally. Everything else should be out of the question. Family is sometimes all one has got. Having to endure rejection or indifference can be traumatic for a child.
Hopefully you find a way to free yourself from this situation or at least find ways to cope.

 

[ISeeRed]

I am my parents only child. Once I disappear into the black void their bloodline will die out. It must be torture to mother, seeing me in this pathetic state and sensing that all the hope she clung to so desperately may vanish into thin air very soon.

Every room I 'claim' for myself has a lifeless and foretelling atmosphere. She must surely dread coming home from work everyday.
No words of value are spoken between us. No love do I feel for her, yet the pity I have for her restrains the anger and hatred.

Every room I 'claim' for myself has a lifeless and foretelling atmosphere. She must surely dread coming home from work everyday.
No words of value are spoken between us. No love do I feel for her, yet the pity I have for her restrains the anger and hatred.

Was she a bad mother or is there another reason you don't have any love for her?

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I told you before in PM did I not? I have a physical ilness that is very disabling and social anxiety, although the second one is a very minor reason compared to the first one.
Why are you like this all of a sudden? I'm sure you have good reason, no need to answer.

I am sorry, I forgot you shared it with me. I have sent you a PM.

 

[LonelyDude15]

I've often felt the same way as well. It really sucks.

 

[VisionsOfHell]

Was she a bad mother or is there another reason you don't have any love for her?

There are many reasons, it will take too long to explain and I dont wanna dig too deep into the past right now.I guess the short answer is: she was a bad mother, but a lot of it is not her fault.