Archness
Defective Personel
- Jan 20, 2023
- 458
A) Being "nice" and "caring".
B) Mask off, hates me, says I'm garbage, etc.
I'm sick of it. Having sleeping problems and being careless, and as always she shows her "Love" by being angry and complaining how much of a failure I am. Honestly, I'm considering not connecting this to my IRL self in the end like I planned because she'd just deflect discredit and slander me. I'm gonna ctb just /w a note saying "Thanks for all the suicidal thoughts, mom.".
She just takes success as such a given, me having a family? Possible, but unlikely, yet she EXPECTS it and is all about how it WILL happen, and ofc I can't really tell her that's not how it works nowadays, let alone for me, because she'll just predictably get angry. Try to get a job? Wait, it's not prestigious? Heh, it was a trade even, and just because it wasn't "White Collar" where I'd just rot in an office anyways, not even getting that "good pay" it guaranteed back in her day, oh, how much of a failure I am. Being a writer? No, it just won't pay the bills, I checked the common pay and it won't pay enough for the bills, and I just lack the connections and aren't in the in-groups to be /w Hollywood and other "elite" writers.
Genuinely, tf am I supposed to do? Neither of my parent give any guidance other then, "It'll work out" or "You'll figure it out", or the most common of surface-level wisdom, because they take success as the default, as a given, and all they can do with their child when it isn't is get angry and frustrated. I've shut down when mother was in the mood to scold me doing the dishes, and then for hours she'd yell abt how useless I am and considered calling the cops to kick me out then-and-there. She actually did it, this was one of the few times farther actually criticized her, and even the cops told her to calm tf down and ultimately didn't do anything as she was (she was so irrational even the cops had to recognise she was just having a lapse in judgement).
It's just all nonsense. There's literally no path to success or even success for me. The good end would be suicide instead of going though the suffering of dying "naturally".
B) Mask off, hates me, says I'm garbage, etc.
I'm sick of it. Having sleeping problems and being careless, and as always she shows her "Love" by being angry and complaining how much of a failure I am. Honestly, I'm considering not connecting this to my IRL self in the end like I planned because she'd just deflect discredit and slander me. I'm gonna ctb just /w a note saying "Thanks for all the suicidal thoughts, mom.".
She just takes success as such a given, me having a family? Possible, but unlikely, yet she EXPECTS it and is all about how it WILL happen, and ofc I can't really tell her that's not how it works nowadays, let alone for me, because she'll just predictably get angry. Try to get a job? Wait, it's not prestigious? Heh, it was a trade even, and just because it wasn't "White Collar" where I'd just rot in an office anyways, not even getting that "good pay" it guaranteed back in her day, oh, how much of a failure I am. Being a writer? No, it just won't pay the bills, I checked the common pay and it won't pay enough for the bills, and I just lack the connections and aren't in the in-groups to be /w Hollywood and other "elite" writers.
Genuinely, tf am I supposed to do? Neither of my parent give any guidance other then, "It'll work out" or "You'll figure it out", or the most common of surface-level wisdom, because they take success as the default, as a given, and all they can do with their child when it isn't is get angry and frustrated. I've shut down when mother was in the mood to scold me doing the dishes, and then for hours she'd yell abt how useless I am and considered calling the cops to kick me out then-and-there. She actually did it, this was one of the few times farther actually criticized her, and even the cops told her to calm tf down and ultimately didn't do anything as she was (she was so irrational even the cops had to recognise she was just having a lapse in judgement).
It's just all nonsense. There's literally no path to success or even success for me. The good end would be suicide instead of going though the suffering of dying "naturally".
