Not exactly. But the way SN is normally sold (120g and up) there's more than enough for two people.
Did it upset you that she said that, or just feel off-kilter? Were you aware earlier that she thinks about suicide?
Well, yeah i knew that she had suicidal thoughts ever since she and my father divorced, i was 6 back then.
I have mixed feelings about this: On one hand i feel pressured not to do it because i wouldn't want her to kill herself because of me. On the other hand i hate the idea of letting her alone with her husband (my stepfather) as he will probably exploit her even more without me to open her eyes. He is a leech, that's what he is.
But i suspect that she might have said that just to dissuade me from doing it.
And i suspect that she may not be taking me seriously as i have been talking about it for a while and still didn't make a move. She normally treatens me that she will tell my whole family about my plans.
Either way, even if i do it, my stepfather will probably take advantage of her weakness following my passing and poison her even further with his Jehovah's Witnesses doctrine, picturing me as a lunatic who killed myself.
If i really were a lunatic, before i killed myself, i would make he would come with me.
Sorry avou this rant, i just needed to vent.
No, I know that if she knew, my mother would want that as well. But I cannot make my plans clear to her.
It's terrible that I feel guilty and do not want her to suffer now, but I also cannot stand what she has done in my formative years and how that fucked me up. I think the ugliest part of me is straight up inherited from her. Fuck all this mess.
I kinda relate.
I hold a grudge against my mother as well, because of the sociopaths she envolved herself with after getting a divorce from my father.
I was exposed to such bad people that i started hating everybody even more that i already did.
