Story Most of my online activity is lamentable

[Nobody Special]

I occasionally view various posts from my online days and get a somber feeling...

I can look back on some old posts on sites from when I 17, and remember "Hey, I have not liked life for a long time"

Most of my online communications are nearly all involving some expression of suicidal ideation.

In fact my "best" online friend I met by forming a suicide pact...

I have never talked to others without the backdrop of suicide and mental illness.

I don't join gaming discords, programming chatrooms...

I join r9k discords, neet discords, suicide pact discords...

It is rather tragic.

 

[Saturn_]

Feels like I could've wrote this, I'm so sorry that you are suffering the way that you are, to the extent and duration that you are. Maybe it's cliché, but sometimes all that can be said is "I'm sorry". That constant backdrop of depression which you described can and will chip away at anyone over time, and it's disturbing how it happens to so many people in this world. How they are shunned to these corners of the Internet because said gaming and programming servers want to keep a righteous image clean of illness. So we are pushed further and further away, until we end up in places like here. It really feels like those who are normal and well-adjusted have no tolerance for the suicidal.

I read through your post history and while I don't agree with the mindset of a lot of r9k users, it's no wonder people develop that mentality in the first place. People with mental illness in general are eagerly ushered into a pipeline of sheer hopelessness, left only to commiserate and form groups with similarly broken people. The motivation may vary, but that pipeline seems to remain the same. It's awful how there seems to be no straightforward, easy way out. And maybe it won't get better, but here's to one day where it might. I hope for a day where you'll be able to spit out the blackpill and be happy.

 

[Nobody Special]

Feels like I could've wrote this, I'm so sorry that you are suffering the way that you are, to the extent and duration that you are. Maybe it's cliché, but sometimes all that can be said is "I'm sorry". That constant backdrop of depression which you described can and will chip away at anyone over time, and it's disturbing how it happens to so many people in this world. How they are shunned to these corners of the Internet because said gaming and programming servers want to keep a righteous image clean of illness. So we are pushed further and further away, until we end up in places like here. It really feels like those who are normal and well-adjusted have no tolerance for the suicidal.

I read through your post history and while I don't agree with the mindset of a lot of r9k users, it's no wonder people develop that mentality in the first place. People with mental illness in general are eagerly ushered into a pipeline of sheer hopelessness, left only to commiserate and form groups with similarly broken people. The motivation may vary, but that pipeline seems to remain the same. It's awful how there seems to be no straightforward, easy way out. And maybe it won't get better, but here's to one day where it might. I hope for a day where you'll be able to spit out the blackpill and be happy.

Thank you. I can't even really consider myself an r9k user (robot) because I just don't really fit in. I just use that board because it is were most of the depressed folks go.

I never really fit into those spaces even though I frequent them at times. I suppose I am the outcast of the outcasts.

It certainly makes sense though. Most commonly, depressed individuals have at a point in time where they enjoyed their lives.

I can't really say I have had that.

 

[Saturn_]

Thank you. I can't even really consider myself an r9k user (robot) because I just don't really fit in. I just use that board because it is were most of the depressed folks go.

I never really fit into those spaces even though I frequent them at times. I suppose I am the outcast of the outcasts.

It certainly makes sense though. Most commonly, depressed individuals have at a point in time where they enjoyed their lives.

I can't really say I have had that.

I apologize if I put you on the spot then. And hey, I can't say most of us on here fit in anywhere either. Whether or not you're the outcast of outcasts, I think you seem like a nice person. A lot of us have never felt happy during any point in our lives either. People here will still support you regardless of any differences. I hope that maybe you'll be able to find comfort in that fact.