sanctionedusage
Arcanist
- Sep 17, 2025
- 418
found out from my mom, offhandedly, that ANOTHER family member from my dad's side has strange obsessive behaviors regarding food safety. refuses to put packaged meat anywhere it'd be sharing the air with the produce. chastised my parent for saving plastic packaging that had raw meat in it to give food to cats because she thinks the raw meat diseases permeate the plastic and itll make the cats sick + that they can't have raw meat, period. another family member is weirdly strict and obsessive with cleaning rituals; i didn't ask for more on that. grandma has paranoia and severe anxiety/panic attacks, and got put on the same medication i was on for similar reasons. dad is severely fixated on small details of food and constantly looks for control in them despite how illogical they are.
i was just starting to kind of feel okay about my bloodline/genetics by seeing so many perfectly good people here with horrific family members. i cant stand it anymore, idek how to change this. physically not resembling them won't make a difference to me anymore. it's more than just my blood and genes and learned behaviors, it's likely genetic brain deformities that i can never change. my default is always going to be them. and they're all so fucking unintelligent and shallow. you can just look them in the eyes and see nothing is there, no real expressions, no substance in anything they say. it's like looking into the eyes of a chicken. getting rid of my face won't help. i want soft radium exposure to rewrite my dna instead of destroying it. god help me. when i see pictures of people online with drastically different faces from me, not necessarily even pretty ones, i get so jealous and angry that they get to have a different face than mine. and they probably look like someone disgusting too, but they don't even think about it or just don't see it. actually thinking about this makes me want to puke.
i was just starting to kind of feel okay about my bloodline/genetics by seeing so many perfectly good people here with horrific family members. i cant stand it anymore, idek how to change this. physically not resembling them won't make a difference to me anymore. it's more than just my blood and genes and learned behaviors, it's likely genetic brain deformities that i can never change. my default is always going to be them. and they're all so fucking unintelligent and shallow. you can just look them in the eyes and see nothing is there, no real expressions, no substance in anything they say. it's like looking into the eyes of a chicken. getting rid of my face won't help. i want soft radium exposure to rewrite my dna instead of destroying it. god help me. when i see pictures of people online with drastically different faces from me, not necessarily even pretty ones, i get so jealous and angry that they get to have a different face than mine. and they probably look like someone disgusting too, but they don't even think about it or just don't see it. actually thinking about this makes me want to puke.
