Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
It's morning. I slept ok?? Like I woke up throughout the night as per usual and areas of my body hurt.
Today... I'm questioning how much rest is helping me and how much it is prolonging the inevitable. Had to back out of peer support training and doubt there will be another anytime soon. So that sucks a lot more than I wanna recognize rn. Like life is def making this choice easier.
I still haven't had a full on meal / eaten much. I'd say yet but I don't really have a desire that atrong towards food. Bodily starting to feel a lil better like sockness wise and also trauma body type stuff (hypervigilance/shakiness), despite everything memtally im feeling more leveled. Its hard to explain. Like feeling a bit more clear. At the perfect place to start planning and organizing methods. After I get more sleep/see wtf is going on with my meds. I shall start planning. Probs clean & do some personal hygiene first but yeah.
Instead of my usual desire to return to life or some shit. I just wanna move it along with an attempt. Soooo needa plan and organize and alla dat. To be finally settling into this place instead of a fight about whether ima live or not... feels really good tbh. Finality in it feels very good. Though ik I'll go through all the feels of uncertainty. Plus other crappy feeling feelings.
But I think I'm finally as ready as I can rn for this with hopes that this readiness will grow.
Yee that's all for now. Surprisingly ny head is a lot more empty than usual which is nice.
Today... I'm questioning how much rest is helping me and how much it is prolonging the inevitable. Had to back out of peer support training and doubt there will be another anytime soon. So that sucks a lot more than I wanna recognize rn. Like life is def making this choice easier.
I still haven't had a full on meal / eaten much. I'd say yet but I don't really have a desire that atrong towards food. Bodily starting to feel a lil better like sockness wise and also trauma body type stuff (hypervigilance/shakiness), despite everything memtally im feeling more leveled. Its hard to explain. Like feeling a bit more clear. At the perfect place to start planning and organizing methods. After I get more sleep/see wtf is going on with my meds. I shall start planning. Probs clean & do some personal hygiene first but yeah.
Instead of my usual desire to return to life or some shit. I just wanna move it along with an attempt. Soooo needa plan and organize and alla dat. To be finally settling into this place instead of a fight about whether ima live or not... feels really good tbh. Finality in it feels very good. Though ik I'll go through all the feels of uncertainty. Plus other crappy feeling feelings.
But I think I'm finally as ready as I can rn for this with hopes that this readiness will grow.
Yee that's all for now. Surprisingly ny head is a lot more empty than usual which is nice.
