Moments of clarity

[ctbusser]

So for my second in life half year long suicidal depression I had few moments of clarity, where my mood turns normal and everything around me seems solvable, right now is another one. I just understand that you can't be depressed and suicidal just by yourself, it's always somebody that makes you wanna ctb. For me that's my parents. I'm a grown ass 29 yo man 195sm 125kg and they still can abuse and suppress me like a child (I had a hard childhood with them, they hated me because of my mental issues) when I can literally do bad things them with bare hands. I literally just have to move out and never come back, returning home was the biggest mistake in my life. You ever thought about WHO makes you suicidal? That's the main problem.

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

This is extremely relatable. I always find the same thing when things turn around again. A lot of things people struggle with in life are very easy to me. I have abnormally good physical health. I should not be as healthy as I am after the life I've lived and I do consider myself lucky in that regard. But the human experiences I've had in my life whether that's personal or societal.. Literally every single one of my issues can be traced to how I exist in relation to another human being. Other people are ultimately why I believed for so long that I'm fundamentally not supposed to be here. I feel you.

 

[JoysoftheEmptiness]

I can relate to what you said, my dad hated me, when my brother (he was a full-time idiot), did something wrong, I was there to take the abuse.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Things got a lot better for me when I moved out, it makes all the difference. Wishing you the best.