Venting Missing someone you still know is the worst feeling

[ThatStateOfMind]

Missing someone you still know, but have little/no contact with is an awful feeling.

For me, that person is my ex girlfriend, and I just have periods where I miss her much more than other times. Well, right now it's hitting me and I caused it. I decided to look at a photo album she made for us for our one year.

Im still trying to move on, I've gotten over some hurdles, I used to keep even the slightest thing she had, I've now thrown away stuff that has no sentimental value or usefulness to me. I am trying to move on and look forward into the future at the good things to come, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. Even though I know I'm going to college and something good probably will come of that (ie. A job offer in the future, an opportunity to take life by the horns) I still can't not look fondly on the past.

The fact that she monkey branched me hurts the most, she fucking held onto me until she had something new, which fucking hurts so bad.

And I am the absolute BIGGEST FOOL currently because get this, I still love her, I don't even know why. I've been thinking about ending my life all day because I'm trapped in the house, sick, with not much to keep my mind occupied. The weather is shit so getting out will probably make me feel worse. I just wanna end my life and be done with it but I've come too far to give up just yet, so with that tinge of doubt and hope, I will try to hold on. I wish I wasn't a fool by still loving her, and having deep care for her, I wish I could convert that towards hatred, and wish the worst upon her but I cannot do that.

Anyways, that's all I really needed to get off my chest, I know there's a phrase that I'm gonna try to keep in my head to keep the intrusive thoughts away "The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, because it's more important to look forward than to look back"

I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever your goal of being here is, be it support, help ending your life, or the myriad of other reasons people end up here. Love all of ya, take care tonight

 

[PanTran64]

I'm sure you'll find someone twice as good as her. But even if it feels like you're never gonna get over her, with enough time (in my experience) you'll barely even think about them. Just meeting new people, online or out in the world, can maybe help fill that void. You might even be able to find your future partner. Best of luck tho homie.

 

[SexyIncél]

You're an empathetic, loving person. Others need and deserve your love more than she does. One day, one of them will get it. (Or more than one, hehe)

Maybe you'll always feel wisps of love about her, I don't know how your mind works. Because you see her beautiful and tragic totality. But! You can feel those wisps unemotionally

I tested my feelings with a counselor, observing if I felt any emotions saying things like (adjust gender as needed):

• I love [name]
• [Name] is the star in my sky & I am hers
• [Name] is beautiful

I just tried it now. Unemotional. Most names cause the urge to laugh. Some names... I feel amusement tinged with... um... sober realizations. Those realizations are about... hard to articulate...

• beautiful enduring companionship isn't possible with everyone, no matter how much of an interpersonal ninja you become
• many societies are so hostile, we desperately wish to build shelter with incredible companions. But their materials make enduring shelter hard to build
• some taught me "how to shoot at someone who outdrew me". Counterattacking someone I tried so hard to love is... a truly unfortunate skill I never wished to learn. Counterattacking as I retreat backwards to exit their universe eternally

Why? Because the people currently in my life utterly defeat the best of them -- even in areas they're strongest. I suppose my life is now devoted to discovering decent, wonderful people. They're all over the world -- and frequently driven half mad by society

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm sure you'll find someone twice as good as her. But even if it feels like you're never gonna get over her, with enough time (in my experience) you'll barely even think about them. Just meeting new people, online or out in the world, can maybe help fill that void. You might even be able to find your future partner. Best of luck tho homie.

I truly hope so, and I've observed that as time has passed, I have thought about her less and less. I'm about to take online college classes so that will absorb a good portion of my time I hope. I'm not ready for anything new yet as I feel it would be unfair to the new person as I still wouldn't be over my ex.

You're an empathetic, loving person. Others need and deserve your love more than she does. One day, one of them will get it. (Or more than one, hehe)

Maybe you'll always feel wisps of love about her, I don't know how your mind works. Because you see her beautiful and tragic totality. But! You can feel those wisps unemotionally

I tested my feelings with a counselor, observing if I felt any emotions saying things like (adjust gender as needed):

• I love [name]
• [Name] is the star in my sky & I am hers
• [Name] is beautiful

I just tried it now. Unemotional. Most names cause the urge to laugh. Some names... I feel amusement tinged with... um... sober realizations. Those realizations are about... hard to articulate...

• beautiful enduring companionship isn't possible with everyone, no matter how much of an interpersonal ninja you become
• many societies are so hostile, we desperately wish to build shelter with incredible companions. But their materials make enduring shelter hard to build
• some taught me "how to shoot at someone who outdrew me". Counterattacking someone I tried so hard to love is... a truly unfortunate skill I never wished to learn. Counterattacking as I retreat backwards to exit their universe eternally

Why? Because the people currently in my life utterly defeat the best of them -- even in areas they're strongest. I suppose my life is now devoted to discovering decent, wonderful people. They're all over the world -- and frequently driven half mad by society

My empathy annoys me sometimes, I used to not feel this kind of empathy but one she was my girlfriend, she started working on helping me be more emotionally open and empathetic, and I'd rather not feel that way.

I think either always feel some type of way about her, or it will take quite a bit more time for it to change at least.

When I try to keep a more positive mindset, I try to think that maybe I am lucky to have someone whom I loved so much that losing them hurt. Then I remember the worse times and me crying, literally emotionally broken; in the bathroom floor when I discovered she had cheated on me with my ex best friend (we weren't friends when they did that, it ended before that). I can't keep a positive outlook when I remember those moments. Hell, I especially wish the worst on him and I even felt a little happiness when karma caught up with him in a way.

I also want to say, in your posts, even in private conversations, you articulate everything so well and all of your posts are well written. You and some other people on here impress me with your writing skills!

 

[CentreMid]

Missing someone you still know, but have little/no contact with is an awful feeling.

For me, that person is my ex girlfriend, and I just have periods where I miss her much more than other times. Well, right now it's hitting me and I caused it. I decided to look at a photo album she made for us for our one year.

Im still trying to move on, I've gotten over some hurdles, I used to keep even the slightest thing she had, I've now thrown away stuff that has no sentimental value or usefulness to me. I am trying to move on and look forward into the future at the good things to come, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. Even though I know I'm going to college and something good probably will come of that (ie. A job offer in the future, an opportunity to take life by the horns) I still can't not look fondly on the past.

The fact that she monkey branched me hurts the most, she fucking held onto me until she had something new, which fucking hurts so bad.

And I am the absolute BIGGEST FOOL currently because get this, I still love her, I don't even know why. I've been thinking about ending my life all day because I'm trapped in the house, sick, with not much to keep my mind occupied. The weather is shit so getting out will probably make me feel worse. I just wanna end my life and be done with it but I've come too far to give up just yet, so with that tinge of doubt and hope, I will try to hold on. I wish I wasn't a fool by still loving her, and having deep care for her, I wish I could convert that towards hatred, and wish the worst upon her but I cannot do that.

Anyways, that's all I really needed to get off my chest, I know there's a phrase that I'm gonna try to keep in my head to keep the intrusive thoughts away "The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, because it's more important to look forward than to look back"

I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever your goal of being here is, be it support, help ending your life, or the myriad of other reasons people end up here. Love all of ya, take care tonight

I recently went through a breakup as well. My ex wants to remain friends, but I'm really not sure if she and I can make it. Still have to figure it out becuase she's not toxic, she just wasn't ready for something super long-term (I was hoping for long-term, lifelong even). It's jarring having to adjust to being friends with someone after being so intimate with them. Anywho, I hope you find peace.

 

[old_constant69]

Same, I feel like a lost my soul mate. It's even hard to talk about and type it out. I can't stop thinking about where I went wrong and all the little dumb things I did to push her away. I think about her all the time, everyday...

 

[BirdSong]

I understand where you're coming from completely. I'm going through a pretty messy breakup at the moment after 10 years, my first and only relationship. I still have obsessive thoughts daily despite her hating me and turning all my friends against me. pm if you ever need to talk.

 

[unnormal9]

I don't miss any of the decrepit bitches I unfortunately still know due all that bullshit and trauma.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

You're not a fool because you still love her. You don't have direct control over your feelings.

 

[The_End_Is_Comfort]

It really hurts. I can't even find the motivation to do certain hobbies or even read certain places without thinking of them. Even seeing the name of a medication they took reminds me of them.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I recently went through a breakup as well. My ex wants to remain friends, but I'm really not sure if she and I can make it. Still have to figure it out becuase she's not toxic, she just wasn't ready for something super long-term (I was hoping for long-term, lifelong even). It's jarring having to adjust to being friends with someone after being so intimate with them. Anywho, I hope you find peace.

Can relate, we're trying to be friends. It's hard knowing what she did, but on the other hand, she's shows what I think is genuine remorse for her actions. If you want, you can start a conversation with me if you just want someone to talk to. You don't have to, I just think maybe I can lend an ear as nobody deserves this pain.

Same, I feel like a lost my soul mate. It's even hard to talk about and type it out. I can't stop thinking about where I went wrong and all the little dumb things I did to push her away. I think about her all the time, everyday...

Same, dude. I think of all the things I did wrong too, maybe some things, if done differently, could've changed the course of what happened, but it's the past and no sense in dwelling on it in my eyes.

I understand where you're coming from completely. I'm going through a pretty messy breakup at the moment after 10 years, my first and only relationship. I still have obsessive thoughts daily despite her hating me and turning all my friends against me. pm if you ever need to talk.

I can't imagine that long. For perspective, my ex was my first relationship and it only lasted 1/10th of what yours did, mine doesn't hate me though, at least as far as I know, and she's never been good at hiding that sort of thing.

You're not a fool because you still love her. You don't have direct control over your feelings.

I wish I had control over my feelings though. It's like I'm in a rut of some sort, you know what I mean?

It really hurts. I can't even find the motivation to do certain hobbies or even read certain places without thinking of them. Even seeing the name of a medication they took reminds me of them.

Same, it's so bad I haven't even gone to a town we used to hang out in frequently during the summer break, and on weekends. I haven't been able to eat certain foods either. You can associate the weirdest things with people, it's strange.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be painful being in that situation, I guess that after all you cannot rely on humans in this world, it's awful how humans very often just create more suffering but it's just the reality of existing here. Anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

It must be painful being in that situation, I guess that after all you cannot rely on humans in this world, it's awful how humans very often just create more suffering but it's just the reality of existing here. Anyway, I wish you the best.

Yeah; people can cause a myriad of emotions, both good and bad, this is an example of someone who once caused me happiness, now causes me pain.

 

[SexyIncél]

My empathy annoys me sometimes, I used to not feel this kind of empathy but one she was my girlfriend, she started working on helping me be more emotionally open and empathetic, and I'd rather not feel that way.

What a dick move. She made you more sensitive to pain she'd later cause. Wish people felt responsible for those they tame

Dunno if this is useful for you, but there's an illusion many men need to shatter. Women generally seem profoundly unromantic and pragmatic in love. Causes guys extra pain and self-blame if they romanticize some dickish girl as an angel

(I think this youtuber's observations of women are highly accurate -- at least in societies like his. His observations of men are narrower. His explanations for "why" feature too many suspicious evo-psych mythologies; so his observations may not generalize to other times/cultures)

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

What a dick move. She made you more sensitive to pain she'd later cause. Wish people felt responsible for those they tame

Dunno if this is useful for you, but there's an illusion many men need to shatter. Women generally seem profoundly unromantic and pragmatic in love. Causes guys extra pain and self-blame if they romanticize some dickish girl as an angel

(I think this youtuber's observations of women are highly accurate -- at least in societies like his. His observations of men are narrower. His explanations for "why" feature too many suspicious evo-psych mythologies; so his observations may not generalize to other times/cultures)

Yeah it hurts but I guess it shows me to be more cautious about who I open up to in the future.

And I watched through the videos, and it kinda showed me something, I don't remember my ex going as far is acts of love as I did. I got bubble baths ready for her, set up relaxing massages, as well as a few more things. I don't remember her doing any of those things. I get that people express love differently, but now that I think of it, I would've enjoyed a thoughtful gesture like that.

I felt really bad for him when he said the girl he crushed on made out with the other dude, it's kinda how I feel seeing my ex (who I still romanticize somewhat, haven't been able to change that yet) with this other dude, especially with the stuff she's told me he's said to her.

 

[scorpion]

o

Missing someone you still know, but have little/no contact with is an awful feeling.

For me, that person is my ex girlfriend, and I just have periods where I miss her much more than other times. Well, right now it's hitting me and I caused it. I decided to look at a photo album she made for us for our one year.

Im still trying to move on, I've gotten over some hurdles, I used to keep even the slightest thing she had, I've now thrown away stuff that has no sentimental value or usefulness to me. I am trying to move on and look forward into the future at the good things to come, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. Even though I know I'm going to college and something good probably will come of that (ie. A job offer in the future, an opportunity to take life by the horns) I still can't not look fondly on the past.

The fact that she monkey branched me hurts the most, she fucking held onto me until she had something new, which fucking hurts so bad.

And I am the absolute BIGGEST FOOL currently because get this, I still love her, I don't even know why. I've been thinking about ending my life all day because I'm trapped in the house, sick, with not much to keep my mind occupied. The weather is shit so getting out will probably make me feel worse. I just wanna end my life and be done with it but I've come too far to give up just yet, so with that tinge of doubt and hope, I will try to hold on. I wish I wasn't a fool by still loving her, and having deep care for her, I wish I could convert that towards hatred, and wish the worst upon her but I cannot do that.

Anyways, that's all I really needed to get off my chest, I know there's a phrase that I'm gonna try to keep in my head to keep the intrusive thoughts away "The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, because it's more important to look forward than to look back"

I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever your goal of being here is, be it support, help ending your life, or the myriad of other reasons people end up here. Love all of ya, take care tonight

I feel you bro. I'm on this site because of my longing of my ex girl as well. It doesn't get better for me, as people have told me, but my dumbass still is waiting for her, though it's been years and she has a new guy too. I hope your situation gets better bro.

 

[limerance1]

Sometimes I just lay down and let the feelings of love for her come up. And let them be. It's actually much more peaceful this way. Kinda cringe thing to say but that's how it is. Being together would inevitably cause hurt. Love and relationships don't necessarily go hand in hand. Loving someone doesn't automatically mean one should pursue a relationship, or that the relationship will work out. That's what I've learned.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I feel you bro. I'm on this site because of my longing of my ex girl as well. It doesn't get better for me, as people have told me, but my dumbass still is waiting for her, though it's been years and she has a new guy too. I hope your situation gets better bro.

That's rough, mine has almost been 5 months (will be 5 months tomorrow), and I'm still not in the best shape. She's kept tabs on me (was worried I may hurt myself after we broke up) and still supports me which I somewhat appreciate, as it's pushed me to go to college. I truly hope your situation gets better as well, and hopefully things look up soon.

Sometimes I just lay down and let the feelings of love for her come up. And let them be. It's actually much more peaceful this way. Kinda cringe thing to say but that's how it is. Being together would inevitably cause hurt. Love and relationships don't necessarily go hand in hand. Loving someone doesn't automatically mean one should pursue a relationship, or that the relationship will work out. That's what I've learned.

It's not cringe, that's just what you do and it helps you, nothing cringe about that. I guess relationships should be treated as a calculated risk. I feel like I gained some useful traits and knowledge from the relationship but there are definitely downsides as well.

 

[Linda]

Missing someone you still know, but have little/no contact with is an awful feeling.

For me, that person is my ex girlfriend, and I just have periods where I miss her much more than other times. Well, right now it's hitting me and I caused it. I decided to look at a photo album she made for us for our one year.

Im still trying to move on, I've gotten over some hurdles, I used to keep even the slightest thing she had, I've now thrown away stuff that has no sentimental value or usefulness to me. I am trying to move on and look forward into the future at the good things to come, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. Even though I know I'm going to college and something good probably will come of that (ie. A job offer in the future, an opportunity to take life by the horns) I still can't not look fondly on the past.

The fact that she monkey branched me hurts the most, she fucking held onto me until she had something new, which fucking hurts so bad.

And I am the absolute BIGGEST FOOL currently because get this, I still love her, I don't even know why. I've been thinking about ending my life all day because I'm trapped in the house, sick, with not much to keep my mind occupied. The weather is shit so getting out will probably make me feel worse. I just wanna end my life and be done with it but I've come too far to give up just yet, so with that tinge of doubt and hope, I will try to hold on. I wish I wasn't a fool by still loving her, and having deep care for her, I wish I could convert that towards hatred, and wish the worst upon her but I cannot do that.

Anyways, that's all I really needed to get off my chest, I know there's a phrase that I'm gonna try to keep in my head to keep the intrusive thoughts away "The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, because it's more important to look forward than to look back"

I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever your goal of being here is, be it support, help ending your life, or the myriad of other reasons people end up here. Love all of ya, take care tonight

There are some things you never get over completely, though you can learn to live with them. In my case it's a boy I knew over 50 years ago. Don't want to say more, as it is still too painful. You just have to move on. It takes time, but it wil happen. Eventually, all the other things in life will crowd out your present thoughts - though they may still come back to you now and again. You can't be sure how it will go. Another boy I knew in the early 1980s had that effect on me for a while, but I got over him completely after a few years.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

There are some things you never get over completely, though you can learn to live with them. In my case it's a boy I knew over 50 years ago. Don't want to say more, as it is still too painful. You just have to move on. It takes time, but it wil happen. Eventually, all the other things in life will crowd out your present thoughts - though they may still come back to you now and again. You can't be sure how it will go. Another boy I knew in the early 1980s had that effect on me for a while, but I got over him completely after a few years.

Well I suppose I should trust you based on life experience. I'm young, but it doesn't discount the pain this causes. I hope with time it does subside. I hope for the best for not just me, but for everyone in situations like mine, it's a god awful pain, and nobody deserves to feel it.

 

[SexyIncél]

There are some things you never get over completely, though you can learn to live with them. In my case it's a boy I knew over 50 years ago. Don't want to say more, as it is still too painful. You just have to move on. It takes time, but it wil happen. Eventually, all the other things in life will crowd out your present thoughts - though they may still come back to you now and again. You can't be sure how it will go. Another boy I knew in the early 1980s had that effect on me for a while, but I got over him completely after a few years.

omfg the pain of relationships makes me think it's best to "embrace failure"

Since the OP's becoming an engineer... Might help to see relationships as a startup: supposedly over 90% of startups fail. And they're paranoid about who they let in. But fortunately, you have more options than hire vs no hire

They say things like "embrace failure", "fail fast". When you see the spark of "enjoyable companion", blow on it well, see if it catches fire and consumes you. But not every spark becomes fire

---

More thoughts come to mind, dunno if they're useful to anyone...

Maybe try to absorb the best traits of failed gfs into your persona. I'm not just myself, but everyone I cared about. They live in you. Your personality could become richly layered. If you don't let them destroy you

Which probably means there's a place for an impressively batshit crazy gf with 0 impulse control. She'll fuck you up, but then you can integrate the funner parts of her crazy atop your sanity

Vital to avoid: bad breakups can smash your cognition. Like a starving polar bear without enough energy to reach the food, it's possible to be too weakened to wait weeks/months/years before meeting someone fulfilling. One strategy against that is to know many people, some of whom might enjoy trying out your companionship

This means having building/maintaining friendships during your relationship. It may take a hit during the first months, if you're both inseperable and "introverted". But best not neglect it too long

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

FIRST OFF: AN UPDATE!!! I just looked at a photo of her (a mutual friend posted her) and I didn't feel anything. Used to be, when I looked at a photo, I would feel pain and a longing for her, but that's no longer there. It's like I no longer recognize her at all, she looks like a different person (not physically, physically she's practically the same but something feels different, I don't recognize her)

I still have some sort of feelings for her but I think they're dying down and it feels good to be honest. Not to be plagued by this love for her, when she caused me all this pain. She was the reason I attempted months ago and she was the reason I've contemplated more times than I can count. Now I'm doing better, and I don't think if she came back, it would be wise to let her back in. Friends, maybe, as a couple though, no, I can't let someone who crushed my trust and my heart back in, not so easily at least. I'm trying to focus on myself.

omfg the pain of relationships makes me think it's best to "embrace failure"

Since the OP's becoming an engineer... Might help to see relationships as a startup: supposedly over 90% of startups fail. And they're paranoid about who they let in. But fortunately, you have more options than hire vs no hire

They say things like "embrace failure", "fail fast". When you see the spark of "enjoyable companion", blow on it well, see if it catches fire and consumes you. But not every spark becomes fire

---

More thoughts come to mind, dunno if they're useful to anyone...

Maybe try to absorb the best traits of failed gfs into your persona. I'm not just myself, but everyone I cared about. They live in you. Your personality could become richly layered. If you don't let them destroy you

Which probably means there's a place for an impressively batshit crazy gf with 0 impulse control. She'll fuck you up, but then you can integrate the funner parts of her crazy atop your sanity

Vital to avoid: bad breakups can smash your cognition. Like a starving polar bear without enough energy to reach the food, it's possible to be too weakened to wait weeks/months/years before meeting someone fulfilling. One strategy against that is to know many people, some of whom might enjoy trying out your companionship

This means having building/maintaining friendships during your relationship. It may take a hit during the first months, if you're both inseperable and "introverted". But best not neglect it too long

It's hard for me to build friendships due to the small town I'm in. In the fall, I'm gonna try to make friends in my only in-person college class. If that doesn't work, I'll probably be completely in person at Uni, and I'll try to make friends there which should be more easy than trying in a single class. I also have more classes to do after the Fall, but I'm unsure of how many, if any, offer in person.

 

[dwindlingfirst]

Missing someone you still know, but have little/no contact with is an awful feeling.

For me, that person is my ex girlfriend, and I just have periods where I miss her much more than other times. Well, right now it's hitting me and I caused it. I decided to look at a photo album she made for us for our one year.

Im still trying to move on, I've gotten over some hurdles, I used to keep even the slightest thing she had, I've now thrown away stuff that has no sentimental value or usefulness to me. I am trying to move on and look forward into the future at the good things to come, but it's so fucking hard sometimes. Even though I know I'm going to college and something good probably will come of that (ie. A job offer in the future, an opportunity to take life by the horns) I still can't not look fondly on the past.

The fact that she monkey branched me hurts the most, she fucking held onto me until she had something new, which fucking hurts so bad.

And I am the absolute BIGGEST FOOL currently because get this, I still love her, I don't even know why. I've been thinking about ending my life all day because I'm trapped in the house, sick, with not much to keep my mind occupied. The weather is shit so getting out will probably make me feel worse. I just wanna end my life and be done with it but I've come too far to give up just yet, so with that tinge of doubt and hope, I will try to hold on. I wish I wasn't a fool by still loving her, and having deep care for her, I wish I could convert that towards hatred, and wish the worst upon her but I cannot do that.

Anyways, that's all I really needed to get off my chest, I know there's a phrase that I'm gonna try to keep in my head to keep the intrusive thoughts away "The windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, because it's more important to look forward than to look back"

I wish all of you the best of luck in whatever your goal of being here is, be it support, help ending your life, or the myriad of other reasons people end up here. Love all of ya, take care tonight

When I read the title, I immediately thought of how I'm missing people before I even ctb. I don't know if I will end up missing them by the time I'm gone though

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

When I read the title, I immediately thought of how I'm missing people before I even ctb. I don't know if I will end up missing them by the time I'm gone though

I don't know how to help, but I hope you find relief some way