Venting Missing mania

[MrBigSad]

After my attempt I spent a month in hospital. And was most certainly manic. I worked out every day. Would write pages of a story. Would read books in days. Totally deluded that life was worth living.

Now I am alone. And I deserve to be alone
Any happiness I feel is totally unwarranted.

I miss the time when I thought life was worth living.

I am only happy when I'm insane.


I wish I could feel any emotion once more.

 

[Emily_Numb]

Oh I feel you. I'm currently in a hypomanic state. Not full blown mania and psychosis but I still have a love/hate relationship with it. I absolutely LOVE how productive I am, that I am highly functioning, super human energy. But what I hate is the fact it's a wired energy, nervous, edgy energy that doesn't feel dissimilar to Amphetamine. I always feel like a tweaker when I'm in the state. I can't sleep, it's impossible to relax and be still. There's also that impending doom that I know what goes up, must come down.
I get to the point where I actually look forward to those downs because the wired feeling is just too much after a while. But as soon as I'm down, I miss the mania.
We always want what we don't have it seems x

 

[Xocoyotziin]

I miss my mania too. It was the only time I experienced it, lasted a few months maybe but it felt like years, I was hardly keeping track of time. It was like an almost spiritual ecstasy, melancholic but that free flowing kind that feels good. I can't remember entirely what it felt like, but my perception of everything was so different. So much clearer, like my IQ and EQ shot up, and I had so many ideas.

Still wanted to die, but wasn't afraid of it. It felt like I had a choice lol, I was kind of delusional and thought spirits or something had set it up as an exit point. I think I made the wrong one. I regret how I didn't perpetuate that state or use it to its fullest.

And now I'm back here and don't know what to do.

 

[MrBigSad]

I miss my mania too. It was the only time I experienced it, lasted a few months maybe but it felt like years, I was hardly keeping track of time. It was like an almost spiritual ecstasy, melancholic but that free flowing kind that feels good. I can't remember entirely what it felt like, but my perception of everything was so different. So much clearer, like my IQ and EQ shot up, and I had so many ideas.

Still wanted to die, but wasn't afraid of it. It felt like I had a choice lol, I was kind of delusional and thought spirits or something had set it up as an exit point. I think I made the wrong one. I regret how I didn't perpetuate that state or use it to its fullest.

And now I'm back here and don't know what to do.

Aww mate tell me about it. I'd have finished my novel by now. I wrote 72 pages in the space of 2 weeks. Now I just can't be bothered. I can't even be bothered waking up.

I've spent the last 3 days in bed. I think I'll spend tomorrow there too. It's comfortable, warm and safe. It's like my blanket is the only thing that gives a shit.