Misery

[woofwag]

I don't think I could ever tell another suicidal person the things I tell myself. So often people end up changing their minds and then resenting you for agreeing with them. But I stand by it nonetheless. Because why can't I give in to my misery? Everyone insists so much of me. That I can't die, so instead I must work, I must move, I must maintain myself, I must pump pills into my body, I must contribute to society. Why? It feels like I'm a slave to living. I mean, according to others, I don't get to choose whether I participate in this system or not.

I didn't ask to be this way. I know none of us did. But apparently, we're supposed to just deal with it. Accept how miserable we are and move on. Well I don't want to. I don't accept that. It's infuriating that I'm supposed to. Sometimes, I want to die as an act of defiance. Just to prove I don't have to do any of this shit. Fuck the world. I want out.

 

[dewdfish]

I share of the same feelings. And to be honest, I've tried. I just can't keep giving in because other people want me to, they're not in my shoes.

 

[woofwag]

I share of the same feelings. And to be honest, I've tried. I just can't keep giving in because other people want me to, they're not in my shoes.

Exactly. Most people could never understand the misery of being chronically suicidal. A lifetime of this and I'm supposed to just pretend it's all ok and fine… what bullshit.

 

[Deer_Dairy]

Feel exactly the same. I just do not want more of this bullshit. I do not want to live as "normal person!" Is this normal? Really? Ok, so I rather die than be part of this hell.

 

[Busridin'26]

Yeah feeling this a lot lately likeeee if others wouldn't wanna spend 1 min in my life or shoes why am being pressured to live?

I don't want it anymore and I don't wanna feel weak or whatever for not exhausting myself to "live"(suffer)

 

[dewdfish]

Exactly. Most people could never understand the misery of being chronically suicidal. A lifetime of this and I'm supposed to just pretend it's all ok and fine… what bullshit.

And then you're called selfish or horrible for wanting to end things when you feel so hopeless to live in a world where you're just supposed to barely get through the month.

 

[woofwag]

And then you're called selfish or horrible for wanting to end things when you feel so hopeless to live in a world where you're just supposed to barely get through the month.

It's actually evil how people treat us. I can understand not wanting someone to die on the basis of missing them, but the fact that this "live no matter what" bs is constantly shoved down our throats shows that it's rarely about that. If people actually cared and wanted to help, they wouldn't force us to live in this hellscape. Even my therapist dropped me because she realized I'm too far gone... But suddenly I'm the bad guy if I actually point that out and make the decision to die. I hate it so much

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel exactly this. Because, it isn't just the expectation that we must stay alive. Most of us are expected to pay for it too! Maybe pro- lifers kid themselves that by insisting we don't have a choice- we'll eventually forget or ignore the simple fact that we do.

I defintely see suicide as a big 'f*ck this!' I suppose the argument against it is that we are 'free' to create our own path in life. That we ought to find one to suit but- it's simply naive to assume we all have the same opportunities and abilities. Our lives are limited in all sorts of ways. We can also be hugely limited in how much we enjoy life. All sorts of factors can affect that. I wonder how pro- lifers would feel if more odds were stacked against them.