Firstly, you are not a coward for not ctb. Besydes we have SI that is something nobody can either control or delete from the brain, ctb is also a hard, stressing, scary and somehow painful decision, and there is no success or fail in it. I repeat : you are not a coward. You are someone who is scared of doing it, and this is not only totally fine but a good news in some ways.
Secondly, I am not sure where you live, how old are you or what are your abilities (neither will ask), but I will tell you my experience. One day, around 30 yo, I decided to just live life day by day, and for 5 years I kept travelling, living in different countries and cities (4 countries, 15 cities), looking for a job in the places I ended up in, getting a cheap rent and just exploring the place. It was awsome, and gave me the kind of freedom I was looking for. I was lookimg for jobs as waiter/waitress, in hostels or hotels, in bars.. it can be anything. It takes some courage, but it is really worth doing it. Remember also that your life owns to you so if your parents are not ok with you leaving... well ... it is their own problem. You are not born to please anyone else than yourself. Also, you are not doing anything bad.
Living like this thought me a lot, because I had to rely on myself and make things work for myself.
Also, this can be done in several ways, there is no need to travel as crazily as I did, nor to go far away. The good news is that you can do it at your own terms.