Might have to do it soon, even if I don't want to

[BabyYoda]

The person I love can't relate to me so much, but that doesn't stop him from helping me. Still, I know that he will choose his other relatable friends over me. There's no way to not be a burden to him unless he does something about it.

The problem is where I'll do it. I do not live alone and it would be easier for me if I were financially independent so my family doesn't have to worry about me living somewhere else. My most accessible method isn't the easiest option (partial hanging) so I don't know if I should still wait if there's a better opportunity.

This will go against my original plans, as I will never be able to see Japan and the upcoming anime this year. I really don't want to do this but I have to. It would double the pain for the people around me since my former high school classmate CTBd last Sunday.

"I tried so hard,
and got so far.
But in the end,
it doesn't even matter"
-Linkin Park

 

[SettOne1994]

Wait you are wrong. How he is still helping you but he would choose another one over you. Real love doesnt seperate.You maybe mean he is just helping you while waiting to get some benefits or something then his help is not sincere you wouldnt care any less. I have this problem of not being financially indepedent but finding a way to commit suicide is a problem now? cmon..... this things are all over this forum and its the most ridiculous thing ive heard. Besides suggesting if you fail with partial to long drop hanging as least painful fastest and if calculated best method unless you can take the dizziness of slowly fading out while having a go into stopping the proccess.With long drop there is no chance of canceling the proccess.

I suggest you go to a mental hospital just to get social financial income like i do . It really helps to pay out things you need either for living or dying..

 

[faust]

Sorry, what is actually your reason why you have to do but don't want to do?
Maybe it would be much better to wait until you are ready? Just take your time and think what to do next. It may help you see the whole picture of what is happening in your life.
Anyway, I am sorry, that the life is torturing you.
Sending you warm hugs and please take care

 

[theguineapigking]

Hey. I'm deeply sorry that you're suffering.



You said your one friend cares about you and supports you. Does he know how depressed you are? Have you talked with him about how you feel? What about your family? Have you talked to them at all? Have you tried any medications for depression? What exactly is causing you to feel so sad? Why do you feel suicide is the only answer?



Please consider talking to your friend and parents (if you haven't already) about how bad you truly feel.



Many of the people who attempt suicide that fail do regret it. Some do end up deciding there's something in life for them. I personally am suicidal and hate life. But that doesn't mean you don't have a chance.



If you are going to try anything,please really think about it...is this a sudden feeling that's come on? Have you been feeling like this for a long time? Do you have any motivation? Would your friend miss you so much that his life would become hard? What about your family? Is it worth trying other options with their support(hopefully)?


I completely understand suicide. I'm practicing hanging right now as I'm typing this...well not right now but am in the process of practicing. I know I can't handle life. I hate it. But that doesn't mean you don't have a chance. I just ask you...PLEASE be sure this is what you want. There's no going back. You have all the time in the world to consider it..but once you do it,that's that. Basically,if you're hesitant,just hold off for a bit.



FYI there's something called valerian root. It's available over the counter in the USA. It's a natural root that some people use in tea. It relaxes you. It can take the edge off if one's anxiety is acting up or if one is feeling very on edge. It's cheap and really helpful for many people(me included). Kava is another option. It relaxes me more but also makes me drowsy(personally ).




Good luck to you. Please don't hesitate to chat back. If I'm alive,I'll reply. It gives me some happiness to be kind to others. I'd be happy to chat if you need :)