I
Imgonnadie
Student
- Oct 16, 2018
- 112
I really hope this isn't a fluke or random mood swing but the way it happened I kind of doubt it. I'll feel real stupid if that turns out to be the case. I was feeling very anxious and suicidal because of the start of the new school semester and I took .2 grams of shrooms and the anxiety literally just vanished like magic with an hour. I'm in disbelief thinking that it's going to stop working or I'm going to start feeling like trash again. It's been 3 days and I feel great. I feel like the difficulty settings of life just flipped from nightmare mode to normal mode. Things that would have caused me paralyzing anxiety before I am now able to just do with ease. I feel calm doing everything. Anxiety still exists but I feel separated from it somehow. I feel like I'm just able to deal with all negative emotions so much easier. Shitty past experiences that were haunting me daily and causing me outburts of anger, shame, hurt, I'm literally thinking about right now and I feel nothing. I still think the same nihlistic and misanthropic thoughts but I just don't feel so bad about them because my overall sense of wellbeing is so high. Like it fucking fixed my brain. This must be what neurotypical people feel like all the time. They live in a different reality. They have no right to talk down to depressed people. None.
I've had this fantasy where I get examined by a doctor who discovers some glaring abnormality with my brain or something and fixes it and I just feel perfect after. Well it seems like that actually just happened. It almost feels too good to be true, but after examining all the facts as objectively as I can, I'm cautiously optimistic. It seems to be helping my OCD-like symptoms like uncomfortableness with stepping on the shower floor (never been formally diagnosed with OCD). I think they may not help everyone but I think everyone should give it a shot. The fact that this isn't part of every mental health treatment kit in the world is a fucking travesty. During my one psych ward stay they gave me fucking Seroquel and Depakote with extra helpings of disdain and disgust. Some rude dumb cunt doctor asked me the day after they gave me the first dose if I felt suicidal and when I said no so they'd let me the fuck out they said it must be working then despite a 6 year old being able to google that it takes way longer than that for it to work. Motherfuckers the mushrooms are right here! They've existed forever goddamnit!
I've had full shroom trips before and it's usually a mixed bag of emotions although I usually feel at peace afterwards. With a microdose there's no real noticeable effect if you're taking a small enough dose besides the absence of negative emotion. I tried microdosing a few times before and it might have worked but I was a NEET so I didn't have anything causing me massive anxiety like I did these past few weeks with the start of the semester so I might have just written off any absence of negative emotion as a good day. I also experienced the same thing with DMT. I was feeling very suicidal one night to the point where I was ruminating over plans. This is just about the only mindset that gives me to courage to smoke DMT. I only smoked 12mg but the suicidal thoughts literally fucking vanished instantly. I haven't tried it since then though.
I've had this fantasy where I get examined by a doctor who discovers some glaring abnormality with my brain or something and fixes it and I just feel perfect after. Well it seems like that actually just happened. It almost feels too good to be true, but after examining all the facts as objectively as I can, I'm cautiously optimistic. It seems to be helping my OCD-like symptoms like uncomfortableness with stepping on the shower floor (never been formally diagnosed with OCD). I think they may not help everyone but I think everyone should give it a shot. The fact that this isn't part of every mental health treatment kit in the world is a fucking travesty. During my one psych ward stay they gave me fucking Seroquel and Depakote with extra helpings of disdain and disgust. Some rude dumb cunt doctor asked me the day after they gave me the first dose if I felt suicidal and when I said no so they'd let me the fuck out they said it must be working then despite a 6 year old being able to google that it takes way longer than that for it to work. Motherfuckers the mushrooms are right here! They've existed forever goddamnit!
I've had full shroom trips before and it's usually a mixed bag of emotions although I usually feel at peace afterwards. With a microdose there's no real noticeable effect if you're taking a small enough dose besides the absence of negative emotion. I tried microdosing a few times before and it might have worked but I was a NEET so I didn't have anything causing me massive anxiety like I did these past few weeks with the start of the semester so I might have just written off any absence of negative emotion as a good day. I also experienced the same thing with DMT. I was feeling very suicidal one night to the point where I was ruminating over plans. This is just about the only mindset that gives me to courage to smoke DMT. I only smoked 12mg but the suicidal thoughts literally fucking vanished instantly. I haven't tried it since then though.
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