Met someone on here...Still gonna CTB tho...So many people gone since I was last on :(:(:(

[Crushed_Innocence]

I've been pretty much inactive on here for about 2 going on 3 months and I can't belive how many names have lines thru them.... I'm devastaed at some of them. I met a kindred soul on here who is lovely and hoped that maybe..... but nope. I still have a bus to catch. Im exhausted right now but plan to come back and join the community- in my last month or two on this wretched planet. I joined this site about a year ago----- Right before my first attempt that failed with Carbon Monoxide. This time I have a better method and I want to go out in peace. I gained 100 pounds in the last year, broke my leg a couple of months ago, and suffered the worst kind of ptsd/nvs fallout, meltdown ever. I came out of my edpisode with the "boy from last summer (2018)" never to be the same, I thought for a moment that I might give life a try, but at 40-- And finding out that after all this time I had a mental illness that has sabotaged me for decades, Im done. I hope that like before when I was active on this site that I can give support to all who need it as I tread my path to a final end.

Oh and the person I met here and started a death pact relationship became such a tender companion. I'm so sad logicstics did not work out n our favor. But yes, I must go. And I cant wait to give the full story, the harrowing diagnosis, the lifetime of pain since birth. I can't believe that soon my name will be crossed out on here too... actaully I'm eager for it.

 

[RevolutionaryRed]

I feel this . I joined in 2018 and it hurts seeing so many people you use to chat with gone. Like you, I've attempted and failed but I don't have any plans to attempt another one. I just feel a general emptiness inside me.

 

[Starrywaters]

I have not been here very long but it's quite difficult to see and read the goodbye threads so frequently. Difficult because I just feel so sad for everybody that has found themselves here seeking comfort and information on ctb.


I understand that sometimes life deals us the worst hands and I do not judge anybody for being here. I am glad that there is a safe space for us to communicate

 

[throwaway123]

This is the nature of this forum. It's natural and nothing to be sad about. These people escaped their miserable lives filled with nothing but suffering by chosing to CTB. As will I and many others that come here.

 

[Moonicide]

I feel the same exact way about my name being crossed out. My time is coming soon and imagining my name being gray and crossed out is bittersweet. The fact that I can even imagine that is what makes everything really sink in for me... I hope you find peace soon, love. I know it's not easy losing people on here, but you'll be greeting some of them soon. Tell them we said hi and that we're always thinking of them.

Sending you all of my love.

 

[S1mpleme]

I've been pretty much inactive on here for about 2 going on 3 months and I can't belive how many names have lines thru them.... I'm devastaed at some of them. I met a kindred soul on here who is lovely and hoped that maybe..... but nope. I still have a bus to catch. Im exhausted right now but plan to come back and join the community- in my last month or two on this wretched planet. I joined this site about a year ago----- Right before my first attempt that failed with Carbon Monoxide. This time I have a better method and I want to go out in peace. I gained 100 pounds in the last year, broke my leg a couple of months ago, and suffered the worst kind of ptsd/nvs fallout, meltdown ever. I came out of my edpisode with the "boy from last summer (2018)" never to be the same, I thought for a moment that I might give life a try, but at 40-- And finding out that after all this time I had a mental illness that has sabotaged me for decades, Im done. I hope that like before when I was active on this site that I can give support to all who need it as I tread my path to a final end.

Oh and the person I met here and started a death pact relationship became such a tender companion. I'm so sad logicstics did not work out n our favor. But yes, I must go. And I cant wait to give the full story, the harrowing diagnosis, the lifetime of pain since birth. I can't believe that soon my name will be crossed out on here too... actaully I'm eager for it.

Did you meet someone from here in real life?

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Did you meet someone from here in real life?

Yes I did..... Didn't mean to.... But yes.

I feel this . I joined in 2018 and it hurts seeing so many people you use to chat with gone. Like you, I've attempted and failed but I don't have any plans to attempt another one. I just feel a general emptiness inside me.

Yes, that feeling of emptiness. It has been a companion of mine also, I feel that bo human should have to endure that sense of perpetual longing. Since you have decided to stay, I wish you nothing but as much peace & relief u can find.
I agree.

I have not been here very long but it's quite difficult to see and read the goodbye threads so frequently. Difficult because I just feel so sad for everybody that has found themselves here seeking comfort and information on ctb.


I understand that sometimes life deals us the worst hands and I do not judge anybody for being here. I am glad that there is a safe space for us to communicate

This is the nature of this forum. It's natural and nothing to be sad about. These people escaped their miserable lives filled with nothing but suffering by chosing to CTB. As will I and many others that come here.

Not sure why you say "it's nothing to be sad about" as if the feeling of sadness is not as NATURAL as the phenomenon of death? I find that tge reaction of sadness to death is just as natural as death itself.

 

[val123]

Yes I did..... Didn't mean to.... But yes.

Yes, that feeling of emptiness. It has been a companion of mine also, I feel that bo human should have to endure that sense of perpetual longing. Since you have decided to stay, I wish you nothing but as much peace & relief u can find.
I agree.

hi, are u online?

 

[HannahB]

Dont forget the importance of death. Everything relies on dead things. Your fridge is full of them your garden. Your cloths is made of dead things and your house. Your car runs on dead things and so does your body. It may seem sad from our perspective. But it's not only important but inescapably beautiful. Death created life and life created death it's the true circle of life. A neverending dance with the cosmos

 

[Broken Chimera]

That's the nature of this place, people are gonna come and go often. It's hard to see people you resonate with leave, that's why I stay back. When my name gets crossed out I don't want anyone to miss me.

 

[rata1]

I had a internet relationship with another person and the thing that connected us was the will to ctb. we understood each other so well, i think in rl and without the ctb thing we would never have met. we both knew what our relation was like, we both knew that one day the other person could leave. and this is what happened! we agreed about it, we agreed that everybody is free to do it whenever he or she would think it is the moment. and then the other person left. she wrote me one last time saying that she is not sure if she would come back, not saying nothing about ctb. i think she was nervous and not sure if she would finally do it. she never came back. this year will be the first anniversary of her leaving. it is strange, i think i will light a candle or something this day. very strange. we never saw each other in rl, we didnt have any sexual or love relationship but i really missed the other person. it seems to me as if there was no other relationship in my life that i regret so much. but i am also happy for her. if she did it, she achieved her aim. she is in peace now. may she be in peace for ever.
when we talked about ctb we had different methods in mind: so we were chatting about how to combine them. one fantasy was that we would go to the woods like hiking or camping, she would ctb with co and i would just after jump the nearby cliff....
have all a peaceful week