Mental self harm

[Deleted member 17949]

Does anyone else find themselves drawn towards things that are going to harm their mental state at times? Over time I've picked up a habit of visiting places and communities that I know are going to trigger my insecurities and lower my self esteem. I am not entirely sure why I do this to myself. I think part of the reason might be that negative things are easier to believe than positive ones; it takes a lot of effort for me to convince myself that I have good qualities, but if I can find one post confirming that I'm ugly, awkward or stupid it feels totally true and I feel like I've validated all my paranoid feelings. It's almost liberating in a way to dismiss everyone saying nice things to you and just embrace the anxieties, but in the long term it damages me a lot.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I think this is why I've moved back in with my parents. Being here makes me worse. I sure complain about it on here, but deep down I feel like I deserve to be more miserable.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I don't do anything to try and trigger thoughts/emotions but I don't bother doing anything whenever I feel like crap. I know there are probably things I could try to make myself feel better like reaching out to a friend, working out etc but I feel like I don't deserve to be happy so I just let myself be miserable.

 

[wonderworld]

Yes, I do think like isolate myself to extreme to make myself feel worse and trigger bad thoughts. I also log in to my Instagram account / Facebook and compare myself to others from school.

 

[aspx]

Sort of, but I think it's normal for us.
Usually I do things that I know that will make me bad or just to worsen my mental state. Like denying people or opportunities to get better.
Do you feel like it's becoming a cycle that you can't leave from?

 

[bunny]

yes. i typically do this by engaging in stressful relationships. it's hard to break the cycle of self-destruction.

 

[Red]

Sometimes it seems safer to stick with what you know, even though it's destructive...
It took me a while to not be suspicious when someone's actually nice to me, used to fling back insults in response to compliments (I'm not beautiful you're effing BLIND)
Even now I get uncomfortable when someone it's trying to lift me up, like I'm not worth the effort n just feel bad for wasting their time!
You're positively active here though, so there's a bit of you that is open to some support... maybe you're subconsciously trying to balance it out with some negative interaction because you don't feel like you deserve so much good?
Just a theory based on my own inner struggle lol

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Sort of, but I think it's normal for us.
Usually I do things that I know that will make me bad or just to worsen my mental state. Like denying people or opportunities to get better.
Do you feel like it's becoming a cycle that you can't leave from?

it is pretty much an addiction

yes. i typically do this by engaging in stressful relationships. it's hard to break the cycle of self-destruction.

very hard. Once it's a habit it takes a lot to break

Sometimes it seems safer to stick with what you know, even though it's destructive...
It took me a while to not be suspicious when someone's actually nice to me, used to fling back insults in response to compliments (I'm not beautiful you're effing BLIND)
Even now I get uncomfortable when someone it's trying to lift me up, like I'm not worth the effort n just feel bad for wasting their time!
You're positively active here though, so there's a bit of you that is open to some support... maybe you're subconsciously trying to balance it out with some negative interaction because you don't feel like you deserve so much good?
Just a theory based on my own inner struggle lol ❤

I'm suspicious as fuck when someone's nice to me, like why you thinking positive things about me?

 

[Sinai Silence]

Looking in the mirror is enough for me to trigger my insecurities, or just generally being around anyone.

I hate that I exist and people know of my existence whether they care about it or not; I think, therefore I am.

Counting my sh scars also works quite well too, I can't stand the sight of them even though I continue to do it.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Looking in the mirror is enough for me to trigger my insecurities, or just generally being around anyone.

I hate that I exist and people know of my existence whether they care about it or not; I think, therefore I am.

Counting my sh scars also works quite well too, I can't stand the sight of them even though I continue to do it.

Relatable. Seeing myself hurts me because I so desperately don't want to be the person I am. I really want to change.

 

[Woodnote]

Yes, I do the same thing. :(

 

[so tired or manic]

I think this is why I've moved back in with my parents. Being here makes me worse. I sure complain about it on here, but deep down I feel like I deserve to be more miserable.

this isn't why I moved back, but it's part of the reason why I stay. that and I don't have the money to live on my own while still having my animals.

 

[CuddleHug]

I can relate to this so much. Wish I had some actual advice to give, but all I can say is this. Every time you notice this behaviour, pause for a moment and ask yourself "is this really necessary right now?". It doesn't matter if you choose to continue or not, even if the answer is "no" every time. But pausing, recognising the behaviour and actively reflecting over it will help you become more aware of it. How much you do it, how it affects you. Then, hopefully you will start turning away when you notice you're doing it, at least once in a while.

If it works, I don't know. I'm not there yet myself. But I do think it's important to not let it be an automatic behaviour you barely reflect on. Posting about it here means you have noticed the pattern, but taking notice while you're actually doing it is harder. It's a lot easier to convince yourself by saying "okay, I don't need this right now" than telling yourself "I need to stop doing this to myself all the time".

I feel like I'm talking gibberish. Am I talking gibberish? Ugh, I think I am talking gibberish. Please ignore me.

Sad hug

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I can relate to this so much. Wish I had some actual advice to give, but all I can say is this. Every time you notice this behaviour, pause for a moment and ask yourself "is this really necessary right now?". It doesn't matter if you choose to continue or not, even if the answer is "no" every time. But pausing, recognising the behaviour and actively reflecting over it will help you become more aware of it. How much you do it, how it affects you. Then, hopefully you will start turning away when you notice you're doing it, at least once in a while.

If it works, I don't know. I'm not there yet myself. But I do think it's important to not let it be an automatic behaviour you barely reflect on. Posting about it here means you have noticed the pattern, but taking notice while you're actually doing it is harder. It's a lot easier to convince yourself by saying "okay, I don't need this right now" than telling yourself "I need to stop doing this to myself all the time".

I feel like I'm talking gibberish. Am I talking gibberish? Ugh, I think I am talking gibberish. Please ignore me.

Sad hug

Good advice and much appreciated. It sucks that even though we can see our bad habits we can't just correct them, but you're right - recognizing and reflecting on these issues is probably the first step to fixing them. I hope all goes well for you too.