L
lonleycrowdedwest
im so dumb i misspelled lonely
- Aug 16, 2021
- 120
i fucked up. I am mentally ill, been to psychiatrists but they are hesitant to diagnose me with anything besides unknown mood disorder(mother father and sister have bipolar). I had been accusing my friend of 5 years of lying to me and treating me like shit for a month straight. He is my best friend, the feeling probably isn't mutual anymore but throughout the last 5 years we have been very very close. I fucked up by trying to prove to him that he was lying to me, now his girlfriend who is also my roommate is afraid of me to the point she installed a locking doorknob on their door. I feel terrible. I never saw myself as a threat to anyone and obviously I would never hurt either of them, but now I am being seen as a threat and it hurts way more than i thought. It's my fault, I know throughout that I was losing it, the only reason i kept going was to preserve my ego. I've had the SN for 3 months now, debated it but never broke the oxygen seal of the bottle. I guess now tonights the night. I've written my notes to everyone, I'm just waiting until I can leave to a park without my roomate involving themselves. They don't deserve the trauma.