yapoli
rot.
- Jan 7, 2026
- 4
my apologies if this goes against any rules.
on the 23rd of december. i got very drunk. alone in my room. at this point i've been isolated for 5-6 months.
i started having an intense BPD episode. all i could think about was the noose i have tied and put away. i didn't feel safe. i didn't feel well.
drunk me wanted some human connection i guess so after fighting my urges to seriously hurt myself or kill myself. i picked up my cell phone. called the local mental health line. and for the first time i was honest with them but it didn't go how i expected.
i told the lady on the line about my extensive mental health issues. my drug abuse problems yadyadyad u get it. she then asked if i was suicidal. i simply said yes. told her i have a plan and the materials to do so. Now for some. that may raise red flags. i had the goal in mind to be taken away. hospitalized. bcuz i couldn't take it anymore. i wanted to be drugged up with no feelings. however this did not happen.
this woman. in the midst of my bpd episode and wanting to die. made me download PAID therapy apps. when i explicitly said i don't work i don't have money i have nothing.
no follow ups were scheduled. no contact from anyone concerning my safety.
if felt as she didn't want to be on the phone with me. like she didn't care. i understand they are volunteers and not professionals. however i feel more action should have been taken for what i've said.
it was truly a cry for help. and now. i feel infinitely worse. i have nobody. hardly any family. zero friends for a couple years now. the one time i reach out and genuinely want to help myself . it goes nowhere. idk what to do anymore. kinda waiting around for my chance to kill myseld.
i'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense. i don't feel well rn, and thanks to anyone taking the time to read this.
on the 23rd of december. i got very drunk. alone in my room. at this point i've been isolated for 5-6 months.
i started having an intense BPD episode. all i could think about was the noose i have tied and put away. i didn't feel safe. i didn't feel well.
drunk me wanted some human connection i guess so after fighting my urges to seriously hurt myself or kill myself. i picked up my cell phone. called the local mental health line. and for the first time i was honest with them but it didn't go how i expected.
i told the lady on the line about my extensive mental health issues. my drug abuse problems yadyadyad u get it. she then asked if i was suicidal. i simply said yes. told her i have a plan and the materials to do so. Now for some. that may raise red flags. i had the goal in mind to be taken away. hospitalized. bcuz i couldn't take it anymore. i wanted to be drugged up with no feelings. however this did not happen.
this woman. in the midst of my bpd episode and wanting to die. made me download PAID therapy apps. when i explicitly said i don't work i don't have money i have nothing.
no follow ups were scheduled. no contact from anyone concerning my safety.
if felt as she didn't want to be on the phone with me. like she didn't care. i understand they are volunteers and not professionals. however i feel more action should have been taken for what i've said.
it was truly a cry for help. and now. i feel infinitely worse. i have nobody. hardly any family. zero friends for a couple years now. the one time i reach out and genuinely want to help myself . it goes nowhere. idk what to do anymore. kinda waiting around for my chance to kill myseld.
i'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense. i don't feel well rn, and thanks to anyone taking the time to read this.
I wouldn't know, I never used a hotline before (we don't have suicide prevention for adults lol), but I have heard from others stories of genuinely nice people who just talked with them and got their mood up a bit, so I guess it is very random, and you got possible the worst kind. I wish, in case you do contact one another time you get a better operator, but I get if you don't ever want to again after that disaster. Sending you love and all best wishes!
