Venting Meeting New People With Poor Social Skills :(

[CentreMid]

For context, I am on a ladies soccer team in a recreational community league. I am a lady and my pronouns are she/her.

Edit: To clarify, I have poor social skills. The people I am meeting (presumably) have good social skills.

So, soccer* is starting up soon, and I just found out that we have 12 new players joining the team, making up just over half of the total number of players we have. I don't mind a new person or two every now and again, as team rosters are always changing, however I'm not sure how well I'm going to navigate meeting so many people all at once. I am very socially inept with social anxiety on top of that, and I'm not sure how well I'll be able to handle them, if at all.

As for the other half of the team who I do know, I've played with half of them (so, a quarter of the total number of players) for almost 10 years (we grew up together), and the other half has joined within the past 5 years, so at least I have someone to talk to. However, I don't trust easily, and in the case of the ladies who have joined within the past 5 years, I'm just barely starting to warm up to them now. I don't see things going over too well with the new players, especially since my anxiety levels will be through the roof when I meet all of them which will make my attemps at socialization much, much worse.

In addition to all of this, one of my teammates who has joined within the past 5 years asked me about my self-harm scars (very loudly, mind you) in front of the entire team when she first joined, and while she's much kinder to me nowadays, what she did still haunts me to this day. I've done some light social media digging and found out that all 12 of the new people are part of this particular teammate's social circle, and that makes me worry even more because I'm afraid that they will behave in the same way.

Soccer is one of the few things that makes me happy anymore, and I'm upset that it's being ruined by my social anxiety and inability to socialize well. I've considered switching teams or outright not playing this summer, but switching teams would mean meeting the entirety of a team all at once which, to me, is much worse, and I just don't feel good about quitting one of the few things that brings me some sense of escape.

*For all of you non-Canadians: Football*

 

[Aisley]

In most circles of my life, I become an almost non-entity. I have no experiences or life to speak of, and let others talk about themselves ad nauseum. I listen, respond, add insight sometimes, and they walk away from these convos thinking I'm just the greatest converstionist alive. Ever. They have no idea what I said, what I do or even think, but they got everythig off their chest, said everything they wanted to say, and this is what most people are looking for in a converstion. It works most of the time. Every now and then, though, a real perceptive person will send me into a goddamn panic attack just by paying attention and asking questions. But they're few and far between.

 

[Sweet Tart]

Social anxiety suuuuuucks. I find socializing to require a huge amount of energy and I only feel comfortable if I can put on a mask and pretend. I don't mean being deceptive- I mean pretending to be calm, comfortable, and able to effortlessly focus on the interaction. I think you're incredibly brave for maintaining a spot on your team for 10 years- that is way beyond my capabilities and I give you a ton of credit for doing it despite it being hard.

I hope the teammate who made the comment that haunts you has learned and matured since then. It sounds like they may have, at least a little, if they are kinder now.