pinkbluebutch
Member
- Dec 5, 2022
- 46
I know it's somewhat normal to gain some weight when beginning new medications but it just feels so horrible to not recognize my own body. I've never been thin and I've largely gotten over the desire to be so, but I feel I was at a healthy-ish weight and now I just keep getting bigger and I don't understand. My diet and habits haven't changed, except now I'm medicated (escitalopram and methylphenidate for curious minds). It feels so hard to know what I look like or how to feel about myself. Realistically, self hatred and starvation are proven to only exacerbate weight issues and cause more weight gain. It feels like such a paradox, because the medication that theoretically helps me also seems to be making me gain weight in a way I don't want to.
I guess I'm curious how other people are dealing with or would consider dealing with this. By chance, I lost my medicine bottle somewhere so I've been off my meds for a bit which has made me much more prone to anxiety and depression, and now I'm considering just giving up on them completely so I have a shot at returning to my old weight. I don't know, but I feel like a stranger in my own body and I hate it. I hate knowing how much space I take up in the world and in a room and it makes me feel so much more suicidal because I know there are negative perceptions that come with being larger and I feel like a burden on society because of it. It's so hard to find a balance between those feelings and the "logic brain" that tells me my weight doesn't define my worth and the most effective and rational thing to do is to accept myself in whatever form I take.
Self-hatred is so much more satisfying than growth because it feels correct.
I guess I'm curious how other people are dealing with or would consider dealing with this. By chance, I lost my medicine bottle somewhere so I've been off my meds for a bit which has made me much more prone to anxiety and depression, and now I'm considering just giving up on them completely so I have a shot at returning to my old weight. I don't know, but I feel like a stranger in my own body and I hate it. I hate knowing how much space I take up in the world and in a room and it makes me feel so much more suicidal because I know there are negative perceptions that come with being larger and I feel like a burden on society because of it. It's so hard to find a balance between those feelings and the "logic brain" that tells me my weight doesn't define my worth and the most effective and rational thing to do is to accept myself in whatever form I take.
Self-hatred is so much more satisfying than growth because it feels correct.