Medically Retire from Army--> Move to my favorite State --> CTB on April

[ThreeStrikes]

1: Took care of my will.
2: Paid off as much as I could to creditors.
3: Currently video recording. The videos are currently private and will be switched to public the day of to prevent interfering.
4: Cremation selected, because I am not coming back as a fucking zombie.
5: Final playlist is setup, last song I'm gonna hear Vanilla Fudge - You keep me Hangin On
6: Final dish(es) consists of; Shabu Shabu, Oysters, Sashimi, Ceviche, Agua Chile, and Coca Cola
7: Location is picked out, it's gonna be the beach. Pacific, I hate the Alantic for being so waveless and boring.
8: A beautiful Taurus Model 66 4in .357 Revolver.

Why April?
That's simple, that month is special because of two reasons. Month of my birthday and also the month I was sexually assaulted twice by another soldier while overseas, far away from home and stuck seeing that motherfucker for a good whole goddamn year!

So why are you doing this?
I grew up where my bipolar mom would beat the living shit out of me for the most minuscule of reasons. Not to mention my dog right in front of me and then threatening to kill it. Then suddenly on a whim, be the happiest and most lovable person. Then of course your typical bullying, not to mention sexual harassment from other students. It was devastating because at that point I was going to go back to my mom who would pretty much turned into an extension. However she was much more painful. (But it was always physical abuse, never sexual. Thank god).
The thing is I could of gotten past the child abuse, and the bullying. Then discrimination and harassment from other soldiers when I started transitioning from male to female (like of course I would want to transition, thanks life. Just keep adding on). The sexual assault was the final nail in the coffin for me though. It was 4 years ago, but holy fucking christ I can still smell him. I still can feel my hair being pulled. I can still fucking remember his fucking stupid fucking Mississippi accent. How fucking inbred he looked. Because of him I can only ever fucking think of him when I have sex with any guy at this point. I can't fucking get him out of my goddamn head. Life owes me, either my own or that fucker. I'm taking my own so I can at least be the fucking good guy.
Fuck you life. I'm done playing your stupid fucking games. Fuck you, for giving me this consciousness with only misery to follow like a goddamn script. The unconsciousness that sleep has teased me with, won me over.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I am glad that you have everything in order. I hope everything works out for you when the time comes.

 

[ThreeStrikes]

I am glad that you have everything in order. I hope everything works out for you when the time comes.

Thank you.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You've covered everything, squared away. If you also needed to be heard, you can check that off with me.

I had a close friend I supported in the never-ending effort to recover from military sexual trauma. Me, I was assaulted by a neighbor, I got to move, he got the support of our mutual friends, but at least I got away from his face. On deployment, you're stuck with the assailant, and in flashbacks long after. I send you my heartfelt caring.

I too have had early trauma, worked on recovering for years, got better, then more hits, more recovery, more hits. It's become evident at this point the hits will keep coming and getting worse, and my only power to stop them is to stop my life. That's why I'm a GoodPersonEffed. I can't keep returning to the slot machine of hope.

Much respect to you. I served a short time in the Guard, but I would respect you and hear you even if I hadn't. I hope things are better on the other side. If there's no other side, nothing is okay too, it's preferable to unremitting hell. I wish you peace for the rest of your time, the rewards of ease and success in your efforts, and peace when they're done.