Venting Meaningless life

[Eren]

Maybe what I'm going to say seems very generic, very common. But I feel that life is not worth it. The only thing I do in my life is work and be at home without doing anything in front of the computer.

My social skills are nil, without IRL friends, partner etc ... and this will not change, as much as possible is that I am autistic. Soon I will have a vacation, and it really scares me to have even more free time without knowing what to do in it, I feel completely empty.

I have certain health problems, which are not very serious but make my life more painful, my hands hurt and I have mobility problems in them, also quite severe insomnia. Still, what bothers me the most is loneliness, if I had friends/partners, something worthwhile, I would try to fight even with my difficulties, but right now I feel that I fight against all my problems without getting anything in return.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I've been at this game a while, and for me, there's a difference between wanting to die because of situational stuff and wanting to die because I truly want to die. I see that you are facing many serious problems all at once, and know that it takes an extraordinary amount of strength just to keep breathing with the bad things pile up like they are on you. If I were in your shoes, the first thing I'd ask myself is the honest question "do I really want to die, or do I only feel that way because I want to get better and feel I can't?" I am obviously pro-choice as I plan to take my own life within the next 1-2 months, but I understand the confusion of not being sure of your own feelings and intentions. When I get PM privileges, I'll be happy to chat with you one on one to listen to you and try to help you sort it all out, and to help you any way I can. I'm sorry you're struggling so hard, I'm here for you ((HUG))

 

[Kill Bill]

Hi Eren. A lot of what you're saying will really resonate with others, so you're not alone in that respect. If you do some searching on the internet you might find some support groups near by for people on the autistic spectrum

 

[Linda]

Maybe what I'm going to say seems very generic, very common. But I feel that life is not worth it. The only thing I do in my life is work and be at home without doing anything in front of the computer.

My social skills are nil, without IRL friends, partner etc ... and this will not change, as much as possible is that I am autistic. Soon I will have a vacation, and it really scares me to have even more free time without knowing what to do in it, I feel completely empty.

I have certain health problems, which are not very serious but make my life more painful, my hands hurt and I have mobility problems in them, also quite severe insomnia. Still, what bothers me the most is loneliness, if I had friends/partners, something worthwhile, I would try to fight even with my difficulties, but right now I feel that I fight against all my problems without getting anything in return.

Have you considered teaming up with other people who are in a similar situation to yourself, i.e. autistic. There is actually a passage in the bible that points out that people in groups are stronger than people alone. Here it is. "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.". (Ecclesiastes 4:12, the translation is that of the New King James Version.) I am not religious - in fact I'm an atheist - but I can recognize common sense when I see it.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Maybe what I'm going to say seems very generic, very common. But I feel that life is not worth it. The only thing I do in my life is work and be at home without doing anything in front of the computer.

My social skills are nil, without IRL friends, partner etc ... and this will not change, as much as possible is that I am autistic. Soon I will have a vacation, and it really scares me to have even more free time without knowing what to do in it, I feel completely empty.

I have certain health problems, which are not very serious but make my life more painful, my hands hurt and I have mobility problems in them, also quite severe insomnia. Still, what bothers me the most is loneliness, if I had friends/partners, something worthwhile, I would try to fight even with my difficulties, but right now I feel that I fight against all my problems without getting anything in return.

A lot of us feel the same way. Life has not been at all kind to many.

 

[Eren]

I've been at this game a while, and for me, there's a difference between wanting to die because of situational stuff and wanting to die because I truly want to die. I see that you are facing many serious problems all at once, and know that it takes an extraordinary amount of strength just to keep breathing with the bad things pile up like they are on you. If I were in your shoes, the first thing I'd ask myself is the honest question "do I really want to die, or do I only feel that way because I want to get better and feel I can't?" I am obviously pro-choice as I plan to take my own life within the next 1-2 months, but I understand the confusion of not being sure of your own feelings and intentions. When I get PM privileges, I'll be happy to chat with you one on one to listen to you and try to help you sort it all out, and to help you any way I can. I'm sorry you're struggling so hard, I'm here for you ((HUG))

I have enough problems, but what bothers me is that nothing makes sense, I have no reason to continue living beyond feeling guilty about my mother.

Have you considered teaming up with other people who are in a similar situation to yourself, i.e. autistic. There is actually a passage in the bible that points out that people in groups are stronger than people alone. Here it is. "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.". (Ecclesiastes 4:12, the translation is that of the New King James Version.) I am not religious - in fact I'm an atheist - but I can recognize common sense when I see it.

Yes, the problem is that even in those environments I feel socially useless, although it is true that I feel more comfortable than among non-autistic people.

 

[falloutcarter13]

I have enough problems, but what bothers me is that nothing makes sense, I have no reason to continue living beyond feeling guilty about my mother.

I know this feeling as well...so well...feeling guilty and like you have to stay here against your will for the sake of someone else. It's been a balancing act my whole life, too...how much pain I'm in right now vs how much pain I will cause by ending my own pain. This dilemma is part of the reason I see this life as some version of punishment, paying for something I did in a past life. Hopefully when I finally get to leave here, the universe will consider my debt paid. If I do come back here again, I'd settle for being "normal" and nothing special, I don't want a reward or even a happy life. Just one where I'm not constantly hurting to where everything makes me cry and my only companion is hopelessness.

 

[muffin222]

I'm autistic as well and I can relate to what you're saying. It's painful having no friends or partner or outside support system

 

[Eren]

I'm autistic as well and I can relate to what you're saying. It's painful having no friends or partner or outside support system

And it's frustrating, because I know it is something that will not change, my relationship problems will always be there.

 

[Belit667]

Similar here but not autistic, I just hold tightly my hobbies. Sheeple ignore or hate me.