Callie Arcale
It’s a tale told by an idiot signifying nothing
- Feb 10, 2021
- 854
I have severe ME/CFS and GAD. I've had GAD ever since I can remember and ME/CFS since I was 10-ish.
I've been living in push-crash cycles my whole life because I didn't know what was wrong with me. Neither did the countless doctors I've been to, my family or anyone around me. There was no name for what I had. Finally in my late 30s I was properly diagnosed with one of the most debilitating diseases: ME/CFS
I feel sick and I am in pain 24/7. It's impossible to put in words what I mean by "sick" but I can only describe it as "dying", like every cell in me is dying. It's not a psychosomatic disease. It is a real, physical impairment. Researchers are not sure if it's an inflammation in the brain, or mithocondrial malfunction or a hypometabolic problem. But whatever it is, it destroys the organism.
ME/CFS comes in many "flavours": mild, mild-moderate, moderate-severe and very severe. The very severe stage is when you can't even eat or drink anymore so you need to be tube fed.
I have now moderate-severe ME/CFS. I am unable to walk because I am so sick, I can't stand light, noise, touch or smells. I can still eat by myself and drink water.
But the slightest effort, the slightest stress causes me to crash and the sickness becomes so overwhelming that I am almost dead. I feel so sick that I can't move, think or do anything other than… suffer.
I live in death and with death every day. I had one attempt to ctb, but I could not go through with it. If my ME/CFS becomes very severe I won't be able to commit suicide and god knows how many years of living death I'll have to go through before I finally take my last breath.
This post is for everyone who finds this site and suffers from ME/CFS. I know you understand me. And I understand you. I know you also live in death and despair. Our voices are unheard, we suffer in silence, unknown, missunderstood, forgotten…
But one day it will be over. Everything dies.
I've been living in push-crash cycles my whole life because I didn't know what was wrong with me. Neither did the countless doctors I've been to, my family or anyone around me. There was no name for what I had. Finally in my late 30s I was properly diagnosed with one of the most debilitating diseases: ME/CFS
I feel sick and I am in pain 24/7. It's impossible to put in words what I mean by "sick" but I can only describe it as "dying", like every cell in me is dying. It's not a psychosomatic disease. It is a real, physical impairment. Researchers are not sure if it's an inflammation in the brain, or mithocondrial malfunction or a hypometabolic problem. But whatever it is, it destroys the organism.
ME/CFS comes in many "flavours": mild, mild-moderate, moderate-severe and very severe. The very severe stage is when you can't even eat or drink anymore so you need to be tube fed.
I have now moderate-severe ME/CFS. I am unable to walk because I am so sick, I can't stand light, noise, touch or smells. I can still eat by myself and drink water.
But the slightest effort, the slightest stress causes me to crash and the sickness becomes so overwhelming that I am almost dead. I feel so sick that I can't move, think or do anything other than… suffer.
I live in death and with death every day. I had one attempt to ctb, but I could not go through with it. If my ME/CFS becomes very severe I won't be able to commit suicide and god knows how many years of living death I'll have to go through before I finally take my last breath.
This post is for everyone who finds this site and suffers from ME/CFS. I know you understand me. And I understand you. I know you also live in death and despair. Our voices are unheard, we suffer in silence, unknown, missunderstood, forgotten…
But one day it will be over. Everything dies.