anthomaniac
Member
- Oct 10, 2018
- 40
so i have been here for a while interacting and recollecting info about how to die more peacefully, i think partial suspension hanging will be my method.
I haven't been around for long and no one knows really my story, to whoever who might want to read it, give me good wishes, here it is some part of it, also i really need to vent, but i'll make it as short as i can.
I am a transgender man, born in a country, where there's no way to transition, born in a country actually with a 20 year old dictatorship, with little chance of getting out of here, that already puts up a lot of red flags, but my main downfall was when my ex lover dumped me, he was my everything, my pilar, my biggest support about my transition and getting out of here, his family was so welcoming and accepting they turned into mine too. But he left, i hurt him too bad, and that was when i plumetted deeper into depression, i chased him for months, but he never wanted to be even friends again. I then started dating this random guy, who was kind of an old friend, he was nice at first, but then... the relationship turned more and more toxic, i hurt him just as much as i hurt him too. He also is one of the reasons why i got so much pushed deeper into this black hole (even when he actually praises himself on ''saving'' me or making me more stable mentally) He never really supported me being a man, always tried to make me feel small in some way, forced me on doing stuff for the sake of ''making me grow up'', i'm not gonna say he ruined my life, because i ruined his more, but he never helped on anything more than making me feel worse. All he did was keep feeding the feeling of guilt i have for having hurt him and my old ex lover.
That is, the reason why i'm comitting this, is because i can't handle the amount of guilt anymore, i prefer to be dead, rather than keep being this blob of depression that only hurts the people it cares about.
I haven't been around for long and no one knows really my story, to whoever who might want to read it, give me good wishes, here it is some part of it, also i really need to vent, but i'll make it as short as i can.
I am a transgender man, born in a country, where there's no way to transition, born in a country actually with a 20 year old dictatorship, with little chance of getting out of here, that already puts up a lot of red flags, but my main downfall was when my ex lover dumped me, he was my everything, my pilar, my biggest support about my transition and getting out of here, his family was so welcoming and accepting they turned into mine too. But he left, i hurt him too bad, and that was when i plumetted deeper into depression, i chased him for months, but he never wanted to be even friends again. I then started dating this random guy, who was kind of an old friend, he was nice at first, but then... the relationship turned more and more toxic, i hurt him just as much as i hurt him too. He also is one of the reasons why i got so much pushed deeper into this black hole (even when he actually praises himself on ''saving'' me or making me more stable mentally) He never really supported me being a man, always tried to make me feel small in some way, forced me on doing stuff for the sake of ''making me grow up'', i'm not gonna say he ruined my life, because i ruined his more, but he never helped on anything more than making me feel worse. All he did was keep feeding the feeling of guilt i have for having hurt him and my old ex lover.
That is, the reason why i'm comitting this, is because i can't handle the amount of guilt anymore, i prefer to be dead, rather than keep being this blob of depression that only hurts the people it cares about.
