Venting Maybe I'm the stupidest person in the world

[Judah]

I don't know why, but I laugh, I laugh at my incompetence and how much life has mocked me today in my own face. God's jester, that's me.

Today I had hopes, I really felt that today something would change and that my biggest problems would have a solution, unfortunately absolutely nothing happened, which means that I am condemned to continue with a life totally marginalized and without anything really valuable to me.

I have no strength, I have no strength at all, my life is totally stagnant, I just spend every day at home, on the internet, drunk, masturbating, or going out with prostitutes. I really can't aspire to anything else because there is nothing I can use to achieve a significant change in my life, I am locked in monotomy, I am empty, without desire for anything and without expectations for the future.

I do not want to know anything about anything, I absolutely do not want to have anything to do with this existence, I want to leave it, I want to disappear, I want to be forgotten, erased and disintegrated, I want the chains that bind me to this earthly plane to be broken. I want to fly and fall into the depths of nonexistence and eternal emptiness, where my problems or who I am will no longer matter, where my consciousness disappears and I can rest.

It's painful, it's painful to live by force and not having access to some painless method like N or SN, it's painful to have to force yourself to participate in this society and see how you end up playing on a board where everyone is indifferent and nobody cares who you are or what you did, it is painful to see how your body disintegrates little by little over the years, your mind becomes insane and your motor skills become clumsy.

It is painful to see how you fall and relapse into the depths of depression and that nothing really helps you in those moments, the taste of life becomes totally unpleasant and you can only fantasize about the idea of ceasing to exist.

I have so many things to say that I don't know where to start, but I hate waking up every morning, it's a totally sad feeling, I feel more and more suicidal and I don't know what to do, I don't expect to get a magical answer that tells me what to do either. I just want to silence the voices inside of me once and for all.

Sometimes I wonder why I had to be born?

 

[summers]

Sometimes I wonder why I had to be born?

According to many-worlds, all possibilities exist simultaneously (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation) - including those where you weren't born. Sometimes I wish I could go to a world where I never existed to see what people's lives would be like. Kind of like 'It's A Wonderful Life.' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It's_a_Wonderful_Life)

 

[Judah]

According to many-worlds, all possibilities exist simultaneously (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Many-worlds_interpretation) - including those where you weren't born. Sometimes I wish I could go to a world where I never existed to see what people's lives would be like. Kind of like 'It's A Wonderful Life.' (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/It's_a_Wonderful_Life)

How do you think everything would be if you had not existed?

 

[whatevs]

I very much doubt that you can "break those earthly chains" jerking off, giving in to Internet addiction or paying women to fuck with you. Just keeping it real, dawg.

If you have a spiritual disposition, what it's said to "work" is to NOT have sex, and give up all addictions. Basically you have to walk the talk. If you really hate it here, try that and eventually also just stop eating and die of starvation.

Honestly, I plan on doing that if things continue going south, but I would want to do the starvation thing in some secluded natural place, as in mountains or forest. Reading Schopenhauer for years paid off in understanding what "stopping the wheel of reincarnation" means. I don't claim to understand everything, but it seems logical to me.

What's 100% clear to me is that this world IS a nightmarish hellscape by it's very foundational attributes, but what's worse is that some losers like us get to survive when it's hellish survival algorithm gets bypassed by other people and we DON'T die, and the hellish nightmare becomes even worse to us, the unfit that should have died.

 

[Judah]

If you really hate it here, try that and eventually also just stop eating and die of starvation.

Starvation is not an option for me, I would pass out, have constant low blood pressure, vomiting and fever.

 

[whatevs]

Starvation is not an option for me, I would pass out, have constant low blood pressure, vomiting and fever.

It likely is a harrowing experience. Philosophically though, seems like a great way to follow up with a disdain, rejection or dislike of life. No sex, no food, it sends a strong message. But killing yourself directly might do the same. I'm just concerned with dying not having overcome earthly urges and petty sentiments of regret

 

[Judah]

It likely is a harrowing experience. Philosophically though, seems like a great way to follow up with a disdain, rejection or dislike of life. No sex, no food, it sends a strong message. But killing yourself directly might do the same. I'm just concerned with dying not having overcome earthly urges and petty sentiments of regret

No wait, earthly impulses or my addictions do not tie me to this world, it's just a way to cope with my days here

 

[whatevs]

No wait, earthly impulses or my addictions do not tie me to this world, it's just a way to cope with my days here

So you are saying that you don't like this world, but to cope with that you consume some of the shit that made the world hideous in the first place, or framed in a different way, you give in to the side of your human nature that makes this world hell... I am the same, but to me it just doesn't add up. I think I must be missing something.

Of course, if you kill yourself you could argue that you don't need to deal with these convoluted psychological puzzles, but I feel like death isn't the end and it would just delay trying to solve the puzzle.

 

[Judah]

So you are saying that you don't like this world, but to cope with that you consume some of the shit that made the world hideous in the first place, or framed in a different way, you give in to the side of your human nature that makes this world hell... I am the same, but to me it just doesn't add up. I think I must be missing something.

Yes, I really am someone strange and unstable

 

[FuneralCry]

I also want to disappear, life is just pointless suffering. I have never wanted to be alive and I never will. To me, death sounds so peaceful, to be free from all pain and all of our suffering will go away. I believe that life should not be a thing in the first place. I know that it can be dreadful living an empty existence where everything is hopeless, I also find waking up to be depressing. I wish you the best.

 

[Maaizr]

It likely is a harrowing experience. Philosophically though, seems like a great way to follow up with a disdain, rejection or dislike of life. No sex, no food, it sends a strong message.

really, you're gonna try starvation? if the point is death why hang around like that ? lmaoo sounds slow and boring af, atleast Judah is feeding basic needs/desires in the meantime

 

[whatevs]

really, you're gonna try starvation? if the point is death why hang around like that ? lmaoo sounds slow and boring af, atleast Judah is feeding basic needs/desires in the meantime

Hahahahah I really laughed with that one. I admit that it seems ridiculous but if you thought that life doesnt end with death and that you need to extinguish all cravings to really break the cycle it starts to make more sense. Its because I read a lot of Arthur Schopenhauer, as I said. Im not even sure about it, but you cant deny that life seems to be some strong, obscure urge that didnt come from nothing, so perhaps you need to do something special to escape, not just kill yourself but deep down still want things in this reality.

For sure, the things Judah says that keep him alive sound like something that is as a matter of fact just make the life of anyone worse. I also masturbate constantly and am addicted to my phone, but for sure another type of existence is possible. Sadly, I cant get drunk because of health issues. And the idea of hiring hookers seems like some kind of self-imposed torture to me.

 

[summers]

How do you think everything would be if you had not existed?

Probably not very different at all. People who I'm close with may have had some different experiences, but I never made a sizeable impact in the world or even my community.

Maybe some people would be better off, maybe some not so much.

 

[mandyjohnuk]

Starvation is not an option for me, I would pass out, have constant low blood pressure, vomiting and fever.

Why would you have vomiting and fever.