bussy
“my sin, my soul”
- Mar 30, 2023
- 86
everything is so so frustrating, im constantly being nagged about what academic course ill be taking, what future career im working towards.
at this point, theres nothing i want to do. i have no future goals or aspirations, no life long dream i want to achieve.
i dont understand myself, i want to die but i also want to live, even when i have nothing to live for.
i love my parents but at the same time i despise them. i know they love too me but they just dont understand the stress theyre putting on me.
i feel like i should ctb just to spite them, but again, at the same time i dont want to put them through something that traumatic.
yet, i dont even think im viewed as a daughter to them. if im not academically successful, then im pretty much useless. im only defined by my grades.
im not even going to uni yet im still pushing myself to study for my exams, i dont even need them once im dead
my entire life, ive been chasing validation from them. although now that i have already messed up my future, whats the point??? im just wasting time until i finally ctb.
i hate myself and these conflicting feelings. why do i care about how they view me so much.
at this point, theres nothing i want to do. i have no future goals or aspirations, no life long dream i want to achieve.
i dont understand myself, i want to die but i also want to live, even when i have nothing to live for.
i love my parents but at the same time i despise them. i know they love too me but they just dont understand the stress theyre putting on me.
i feel like i should ctb just to spite them, but again, at the same time i dont want to put them through something that traumatic.
yet, i dont even think im viewed as a daughter to them. if im not academically successful, then im pretty much useless. im only defined by my grades.
im not even going to uni yet im still pushing myself to study for my exams, i dont even need them once im dead
my entire life, ive been chasing validation from them. although now that i have already messed up my future, whats the point??? im just wasting time until i finally ctb.
i hate myself and these conflicting feelings. why do i care about how they view me so much.