Maximizing Pain on Loved Ones

[originalname956]

*Hate me for this if you want, I don't really care*

Everyone always talks about not wanting to inflict pain on their friends and family. I have been depressed for 8 years and suicidal for about 5 of those years. Although I never really cared and am a firm believer in the idea that once I'm gone nothing matters, if there was a magic way for me to kill myself and have my friends and family not be affected I would have taken that option.

Recently however, I have started becoming much more embittered and angry. I hate that others are happy. This has developed to the point that I wish my suicide to cause maximum harm to my loved ones. To bring them to their knees. To punish them for the sin of being normal. This has developed to the point of me thinking of the most harmful suicide note I can possibly write. Everywhere I look I see people talking about not wanting to hurt their friends and family with their suicide. I used to be one of those people. I don't think I can say I am anymore. I wouldn't take the magic option of leaving them unscathed.

Anyone else experiencing this phenomenon?

 

[oddetoad]

I can say it's just a bad idea to involve harm on others even if it can feel justified on this earth plane

Besides that I think you would regret it if you could

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can understand revenge in a way- if someone has deliberately wronged you or caused you to feel this way to begin with out of abuse or neglect. Irony is though- if they are that nasty of a person to begin with, it's questionable as to whether they feel empathy or responsibility to even feel that.

For just being normal though? I can't say I would want them to suffer exactly. Maybe I'd like them to think twice about what kinds of lives people are living though.

If they're politicians though? Or people running the place? Again- I suspect many are too narcissistic/ sociopathic to feel sad exactly but I hope they feel embarassed. I hope it upsets them that they didn't get the results they wanted to show off to their colleagues that their suicide prevention plan worked and all their citizens are happy now. I'd love to embarass my government by suiciding and messing up their figures.

 

[Freimann]

Can't stomach this "earth plane" new age spiritualist bullshit. There's no such thing, fam.

 

[oddetoad]

Can't stomach this "earth plane" new age spiritualist bullshit. There's no such thing, fam.

It's better if you quote me so I can see your reply
My sentence has nothing to do with spirituality the way you see it

And what is there no such thing of? I don't understand that last part

 

[Freimann]

I tried to, I'm new to this. And sorry if I misinterpreted. Don't I just click the "Quote" thingy below your message and write my own?

 

[oddetoad]

I tried to, I'm new to this. And sorry if I misinterpreted. Don't I just click the "Quote" thingy below your message and write my own?

Just click reply