ConfusedHurting2632
Student
- Dec 22, 2021
- 134
TL;DR At the bottom.
As we speak I've been through 11 therapists total and currently on my 12th. And don't get me wrong, therapy actually helps me out in the short term. It feels cathartic to talk about all my deepest thoughts and feelings to a professional who will listen and ask productive questions. Especially since I literally have no one (be it real life or online) to talk about this stuff with. Even my parents who I live with don't give a shit. They just call me "annoying as fuck" when I try to talk about this stuff to them.
But in the long term...I haven't really gotten any better from my 1st therapist to currently my 12th therapist. I haven't made ANY long term progress at all. When my therapists would give out goals/homework/activities for me to do, often I didn't even do them because I literally couldn't push myself to do them no matter how much I wanted to; but even when I did do them I was more just doing it to impress the therapist (like a little kid trying to impress their teacher or parent) and would go right back to my old habits when discharged.
If it matters what "type" of therapy it is, while I've never been explicitly told what it was, it was more or less the "default" type of therapy. So probably CBT. The type of therapy where you talk and try to change thoughts from negative to positive, and are given goals to work for. Maybe CBT is just simply not for me, I'm not sure.
All in all, almost all my therapists (including my current one) have been decent except for exactly 3. One of those 3 was straight up rude and insensitive all the time, the other one would not even pay attention and forgot every detail about my stories, and the other one (probably the worst one of all) sent me to the mental hospital with no need at all. I had mentioned wanting (having thoughts) to kill myself, but I hadn't mentioned a specific plan or anything, and I didn't say I was gonna do it. They're not supposed to send you to the mental hospital unless you have a specific plan and say you're gonna do it. And the mental hospital was definitely very traumatic for me. But besides those 3 they were actually pretty good.
If it matters, besides therapy, at this point in time I've taken 11 medications total, currently on 5. The first 6 medications were really, really bad for me. The current 5 medications are doing their purpose fine enough. They're helping me sleep well. They're also helping prevent any Bipolar Psychotic Manic episodes. They're also helping to reduce anxiety and hyperactivity. They're also helping with anger issues. They're also helping my mood feel better overall. But if I personally still believe that human beings are horrible and do horrible things, and wanna die because of that, that's more of a personal world view and not the medication's fault. It's also not the medication's fault if I'm just lazy and refuse to do things. So basically I've been doing both therapy and medication. And neither have helped that much overall.
Overall, all the more reason for me to kill myself. Nothing fucking works.
TL;DR I've been through 11 therapists total (currently on my 12th) and made exactly zero progress from my 1st therapist all the way to today. In the short term it feels cathartic to talk about my deepest thoughts and feelings to a professional, but in the long term I've been exactly zero progress.
As we speak I've been through 11 therapists total and currently on my 12th. And don't get me wrong, therapy actually helps me out in the short term. It feels cathartic to talk about all my deepest thoughts and feelings to a professional who will listen and ask productive questions. Especially since I literally have no one (be it real life or online) to talk about this stuff with. Even my parents who I live with don't give a shit. They just call me "annoying as fuck" when I try to talk about this stuff to them.
But in the long term...I haven't really gotten any better from my 1st therapist to currently my 12th therapist. I haven't made ANY long term progress at all. When my therapists would give out goals/homework/activities for me to do, often I didn't even do them because I literally couldn't push myself to do them no matter how much I wanted to; but even when I did do them I was more just doing it to impress the therapist (like a little kid trying to impress their teacher or parent) and would go right back to my old habits when discharged.
If it matters what "type" of therapy it is, while I've never been explicitly told what it was, it was more or less the "default" type of therapy. So probably CBT. The type of therapy where you talk and try to change thoughts from negative to positive, and are given goals to work for. Maybe CBT is just simply not for me, I'm not sure.
All in all, almost all my therapists (including my current one) have been decent except for exactly 3. One of those 3 was straight up rude and insensitive all the time, the other one would not even pay attention and forgot every detail about my stories, and the other one (probably the worst one of all) sent me to the mental hospital with no need at all. I had mentioned wanting (having thoughts) to kill myself, but I hadn't mentioned a specific plan or anything, and I didn't say I was gonna do it. They're not supposed to send you to the mental hospital unless you have a specific plan and say you're gonna do it. And the mental hospital was definitely very traumatic for me. But besides those 3 they were actually pretty good.
If it matters, besides therapy, at this point in time I've taken 11 medications total, currently on 5. The first 6 medications were really, really bad for me. The current 5 medications are doing their purpose fine enough. They're helping me sleep well. They're also helping prevent any Bipolar Psychotic Manic episodes. They're also helping to reduce anxiety and hyperactivity. They're also helping with anger issues. They're also helping my mood feel better overall. But if I personally still believe that human beings are horrible and do horrible things, and wanna die because of that, that's more of a personal world view and not the medication's fault. It's also not the medication's fault if I'm just lazy and refuse to do things. So basically I've been doing both therapy and medication. And neither have helped that much overall.
Overall, all the more reason for me to kill myself. Nothing fucking works.
TL;DR I've been through 11 therapists total (currently on my 12th) and made exactly zero progress from my 1st therapist all the way to today. In the short term it feels cathartic to talk about my deepest thoughts and feelings to a professional, but in the long term I've been exactly zero progress.
