Maladaptive withdrawal journey

[aneurysm]

I suffer from chronic compulsive daydreaming since the age of 5.

I'm now 24 and this can't continue.

I have decided to stop. Once and for all. From now on, I'll never daydream again.

I'll keep posting here to document my withdrawal journey.

the cool thing when you have had such a strong addiction for such a long time, is that it's pure potential.

If I'm able to re-direct this powerful drive towards something more healthy, like work or relationship, I'll be fucking unstoppable.

 

[timf]

Good luck on your new path. Sometimes it can be difficult to chart a new direction against old habits. One thing that might help is a pocket timer you can set for 15 minutes or so. If you find yourself drifiting into daydreaming again, the timer might be able to help you recover.

 

[Makko]

If daydreaming is your only source of pleasure, you're going to need to something else to replace it with. Trying to quit it without replacing it with something will be like quitting heroin as a late stage addict. I can only speak for myself but I wouldn't be able to go on if I chose to throw out my only coping method and be left with absolutely nothing to keep me away from the abyss. No amount of willpower will be enough.

 

[aneurysm]

If daydreaming is your only source of pleasure, you're going to need to something else to replace it with. Trying to quit it without replacing it with something will be like quitting heroin as a late stage addict. I can only speak for myself but I wouldn't be able to go on if I chose to throw out my only coping method and be left with absolutely nothing to keep me away from the abyss. No amount of willpower will be enough.

To be honest, I not the first time I try to quit. I have tried TONES of times and never succeeded.

I decided that I need to replace it with relationships. So, I'll try to develop my relationship sense instead, this will be my new approach. I'm 24 and I feel like I want to get married (sounds dumb I know lol).

I'm just so tired of it. The worst part is that it's an addiction that nobody, NO ONE understands. Nobody takes it seriously. Even I didn't take it seriously and didn't see it as much of an issue.

but I realize it's actually a massive issue. It's a big problem and I need to stop ASAP.
I spend my whole school years daydreaming on my desk, pretending to sleep. I get home and close my room, walk back and forth frenetically with earphones, jumping around and it's fucking weird.

Once, a friend of my cousin saw my shadow from the window at midnight doing my usual daydreaming while making weird body movements and he fou d it super suspicious and was freaked out. I was mortified and had no idea how to explain it to him.

I sometimes talk or cry alone, or laugh, and sometimes people hear me and are freaked out.
I can't do anything truly productive because of this thing and it's destroying me.

 

[aneurysm]

Day one:

I didn't daydream last night before bed, like I usually do. As a result, I dreamed a lot during my sleep. My dreams tonight were heavily tainted with the energy of my daydreams.

I woke up this morning and my brain immediately went into daydream mode. I immediately stopped when I noticed, but it did that multiple time. I need to be more vigilant because daydreaming is second nature.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

I'm 24 and I feel like I want to get married

 

[JoeFailure]

To be honest, I not the first time I try to quit. I have tried TONES of times and never succeeded.

I decided that I need to replace it with relationships. So, I'll try to develop my relationship sense instead, this will be my new approach. I'm 24 and I feel like I want to get married (sounds dumb I know lol).

I'm just so tired of it. The worst part is that it's an addiction that nobody, NO ONE understands. Nobody takes it seriously. Even I didn't take it seriously and didn't see it as much of an issue.

but I realize it's actually a massive issue. It's a big problem and I need to stop ASAP.
I spend my whole school years daydreaming on my desk, pretending to sleep. I get home and close my room, walk back and forth frenetically with earphones, jumping around and it's fucking weird.

Once, a friend of my cousin saw my shadow from the window at midnight doing my usual daydreaming while making weird body movements and he fou d it super suspicious and was freaked out. I was mortified and had no idea how to explain it to him.

I sometimes talk or cry alone, or laugh, and sometimes people hear me and are freaked out.
I can't do anything truly productive because of this thing and it's destroying me.

Holy shit...this is me to a T. I probably do it even more than you. What's worse is I didn't even figure out what this was or how debilitating it truly was to my life until 2 years ago when I was 33. I can't ever focus on anything. I have such a tough time listening to people or learning new things because I just go off into that daydream mode.

Keep us updated, I'd love to know if you're able to break out of this somehow.

 

[Makko]

I decided that I need to replace it with relationships.

I haven't done this, so I have no experiences to share, but I think it's a good strategy. Having someone around should give you something "real" to focus on and help keep you grounded.

 

[saltshaker]

Are you makko's evil twin? Or is she your evil twin? Which one of you is the evil one?

I daydream a lot too, I'm not sure if it's that harmful, sure it might be unproductive sometimes but there's more to life then just driving yourself endlessly.

 

[aneurysm]

Are you makko's evil twin? Or is she your evil twin? Which one of you is the evil one?

I'm the angelic twin. but like every angel, I'm secretly more savage and cruel than the openly evil.

 

[aneurysm]

One thing that might help is a pocket timer you can set for 15 minutes or so.

Using a timer today has been truly helpful. Many times, I have felt like relapsing (and I did, once), but setting a timer to 15min and breathing deeply stopped me from doing it.

But right now, I do feel very shaky and vulnerable. My stomach constantly feels empty and my breath is short. I do a lot of manic things and can't stay in one place.

I have spent more time on SS today than any other day, and have acted unusually aggressively in some of my posts. I can see that this is a consequence of this change but I'm not going back.
I just decided out of the blues that I'm going to disappear from SS for a month. If I come back, it means that I failed at quitting compulsive daydreaming. This is because I have noticed that my use of SS has dramatically changed ever since I decided to stop daydreaming. I don't want SS to become my substitute addiction.

So see you everyone (although, I'm sure, nobody cares).

 

[aneurysm]

I just decided out of the blues that I'm going to disappear from SS for a month.

nvm

 

[aneurysm]

Day III

1. To say that I woke up from an intense dream this morning would be an understatement. My brain is going insane on me at night. In the morning, I can't wake up, I'm stuck in a transe between the dream and reality. I know it's 6am and I need to wake up, but I'm also dreaming.

2. I'm still displaying aggressive behavior. Aggressivity for me is: being blunt and throwing controversial statements any chance I get.

3. I had 7 moments of intense discomfort and shortness of breath. When those happen, I set a timer and breath deeply. I also try to leave a podcast on playing to avoid having to listen to my inner screams.

4. Overall, I feel calmer. when I'm not having these moments of withdrawal, I feel like a new me is unfolding. I feel more grounded in reality and more mature also.

 

[aneurysm]

Day IV

1. Today has been calmer than yesterday. Little to not symptom of relapse or urge to daydream.

2. My life is quite intense at the moment. The intense drive to daydream is being catalyzed toward my relationships with others and it's great. Things are changing at faster rate. I spend a lot of time with others.

3. I feel less manic and aggressive. I feel focused.

4. Setting a timer, breathing deeply and listening to podcast are the biggest things that help.

5. Overall, I felt good today. It was a refreshing day.

 

[aneurysm]

Day 6

- I was having a dream at night, and in that dream, I had a dream. And the main protagonist of that dream (me) was addicted to daydreaming.

- I had an extremely shitty day yesterday. Today, I feel suicidal and am contemplating hanging myself.

- I didn't actively daydream. Sometimes my brain automatically starts, but as soon as I catch it, I stop.

- I still want to keep on the path of no daydream, but reality is getting scarier, more brutal and shit is getting real. I'm starting to understand why daydreaming was so vital to me. To avoid this constant feeling of impending doom and the feeling of being trapped in... the real.

- Overall, I'm crying.

 

[Dizzy_Dreams]

Day 6

- I was having a dream at night, and in that dream, I had a dream. And the main protagonist of that dream (me) was addicted to daydreaming.

- I had an extremely shitty day yesterday. Today, I feel suicidal and am contemplating hanging myself.

- I didn't actively daydream. Sometimes my brain automatically starts, but as soon as I catch it, I stop.

- I still want to keep on the path of no daydream, but reality is getting scarier, more brutal and shit is getting real. I'm starting to understand why daydreaming was so vital to me. To avoid this constant feeling of impending doom and the feeling of being trapped in... the real.

- Overall, I'm crying.

I'm not able to message you for some reason but I relate to a lot of what you're saying

 

[aneurysm]

I'm not able to message you for some reason but I relate to a lot of what you're saying

It's because my settings are on private.

 

[aneurysm]

Say 7

- I resisted as much as I could and almost relapsed, but didn't. Today was hard. such an understatement But I'm exhausted.

- I want to die.

 

[Makko]

- I want to die.

Welcome to the world with no dreams. A world with no wonder, no mystery, no imagination and no beauty.

 

[aneurysm]

Welcome to the world with no dreams. A world with no wonder, no mystery, no imagination and no beauty.

kill me.

 

[Makko]

kill me.

Earn it.

 

[aneurysm]

Day 8

- I relapsed a few times, for about 5minutes each times. It's because today I didn't care.

- I then constated that my hability to produce exciting, engaging daydreams is apparently fading, the daydreams were boring.

- Overall, I have been acting strange.

 

[Makko]

- Overall, I have been acting strange.

Yes, you have.

 

[signifying nothing]

kill me.

Change is a form of death.

 

[aneurysm]

Yes, you have

 

[Makko]

Sweet, I can take the other drawer. The only thing better than daydreams are night-dreams, where you may remember the bizarre experiences and bask in a warm ethereal afterglow the whole day afterwards.

 

[aneurysm]

Sweet, I can take the other drawer. The only thing better than daydreams are night-dreams, where you may remember the bizarre experiences and bask in a warm ethereal afterglow the whole day afterwards.

 

[aneurysm]

Day 8 & 9

- Yesterday I was in coma due to crushing and drinking 10 xanax pills. no dream or daydream.

- Today, I have been displaying a retarded edgy teen attitude. hopefully it'll pass soon or I'll have to stab myself out of it. No daydream or relapsing.

- Overall, I'm now 100% sure that suicide is my destiny.

 

[aneurysm]

Day 10.

- Wow, ten days without daydreaming. I did it.

- Father and Uncle are sending me to the village because apparently, I seem unwell because I keep abusing Xanax pills. I don't know yet if they'll allow me access to the internet.

- Other than that, I've been doing okay today. Have been relatively stable (as stable as I can be anyway).

 

[aneurysm]

Day 11 & 12

- I think I might be over daydreaming.
- my life has never been this terrifying