namida
going out with a whimper
- Jan 5, 2023
- 20
im sorry if this thread is redundant to other ones, but i have specific conditions that is making me nervous about whether ill be successful. ive done some research and everywhere is giving me mixed answers. ill probably receive mixed answers here too, but i figured i might as well ask. im planning to take the sn next month. its a pain in the ass to have to wait but i have something i absolutely must get done before i do, so i have a bit of time to plan this out.
1. antiemetic
i was able to convince my psychiatrist to give me an antipsychotic. i was originally going to be put on risperidone or seroquel, by my old psychiatrist, but this new one came off as rather strict and i knew if i pushed too hard i might set off red flags. she gave me latuda/lurasidone, and im not too thrilled about its effectiveness as an antiemetic.
from what the pharmacist told me, it HAS to be taken with food or else ill become nauseous. so either i take it on an empty stomach and risk vomiting the sn, or i take it after eating and give my stomach substance to vomit?
i know a lot of people just go and ask for meto, but i can't. i cant lie that ive taken a medication that i havent because there's only one medical system in my area and they have records of every medication ive ever taken. and if they see im taking lurasidone now, they'll probably just tell me that's the reason i'm feeling nauseous and send me home with nothing.
should i just not even bother with an antiemetic? i havent vomited in over 10 years. im only able to gag or spit when i feel like i have to vomit. im hoping this will be enough to keep it down, but if its completely involuntary i worry it'll still happen. im very worried about this, it's probably the biggest hurdle.
2. dosing
i only bought one packet of sn. i know i probably should have gotten two just in case but i already feel paranoid about if even just one will arrive without issue. i really dont have the money to throw away if it were to get lost or confiscated.
anyway, with one 50g packet, i can just barely get away with making two cups worth, according to what i need for my weight. im a 5'6, 150-160 lbs female. i am basing dosing off of this chart, but with adjusted amounts, as apparently its not entirely accurate. but it also seems like there isn't one definitive answer about just how much you need from person to person. im assuming i need about 25g, which will leave me another 25g as emergency backup.
but i recently came across this thread, from someone who drank sn and survived after vomiting. it seems like, if she hadn't taken such a large amount all at once, she may have been able to keep it down. so what i've been thinking is, perhaps i should make several smaller servings and take them gradually, so that my body doesnt overreact from the large amount of sn all at once? has anyone tried this and succeeded?
3. preparing my body
i remember some people in the chat discussing that a body which died from sn poisoning could be classified as a biohazard. and that anything surrounding my body will need to be disposed of while the cleanup crew runs tests to see if im hiv-positive, etcetera. this kind of throws off my hopes of dying peacefully in my bed, covered by blankets and my favorite stuffed animals. i guess i should remove them to be safe. but it would have been comforting to have something to hold onto while i die alone.
im going to leave a note on my door advising my family to call the police and not open the door, because i dont want that to be their last memory of me. i assume leaving a note for the police advising them of my method would be pointless, because its still possible that my body could be considered toxic? should i lay a tarp underneath me on my bed to make things easier?
i might update this post if i think of anything else while im waiting for confirmation of a solid end date.
1. antiemetic
i was able to convince my psychiatrist to give me an antipsychotic. i was originally going to be put on risperidone or seroquel, by my old psychiatrist, but this new one came off as rather strict and i knew if i pushed too hard i might set off red flags. she gave me latuda/lurasidone, and im not too thrilled about its effectiveness as an antiemetic.
from what the pharmacist told me, it HAS to be taken with food or else ill become nauseous. so either i take it on an empty stomach and risk vomiting the sn, or i take it after eating and give my stomach substance to vomit?
i know a lot of people just go and ask for meto, but i can't. i cant lie that ive taken a medication that i havent because there's only one medical system in my area and they have records of every medication ive ever taken. and if they see im taking lurasidone now, they'll probably just tell me that's the reason i'm feeling nauseous and send me home with nothing.
should i just not even bother with an antiemetic? i havent vomited in over 10 years. im only able to gag or spit when i feel like i have to vomit. im hoping this will be enough to keep it down, but if its completely involuntary i worry it'll still happen. im very worried about this, it's probably the biggest hurdle.
2. dosing
i only bought one packet of sn. i know i probably should have gotten two just in case but i already feel paranoid about if even just one will arrive without issue. i really dont have the money to throw away if it were to get lost or confiscated.
anyway, with one 50g packet, i can just barely get away with making two cups worth, according to what i need for my weight. im a 5'6, 150-160 lbs female. i am basing dosing off of this chart, but with adjusted amounts, as apparently its not entirely accurate. but it also seems like there isn't one definitive answer about just how much you need from person to person. im assuming i need about 25g, which will leave me another 25g as emergency backup.
but i recently came across this thread, from someone who drank sn and survived after vomiting. it seems like, if she hadn't taken such a large amount all at once, she may have been able to keep it down. so what i've been thinking is, perhaps i should make several smaller servings and take them gradually, so that my body doesnt overreact from the large amount of sn all at once? has anyone tried this and succeeded?
3. preparing my body
i remember some people in the chat discussing that a body which died from sn poisoning could be classified as a biohazard. and that anything surrounding my body will need to be disposed of while the cleanup crew runs tests to see if im hiv-positive, etcetera. this kind of throws off my hopes of dying peacefully in my bed, covered by blankets and my favorite stuffed animals. i guess i should remove them to be safe. but it would have been comforting to have something to hold onto while i die alone.
im going to leave a note on my door advising my family to call the police and not open the door, because i dont want that to be their last memory of me. i assume leaving a note for the police advising them of my method would be pointless, because its still possible that my body could be considered toxic? should i lay a tarp underneath me on my bed to make things easier?
i might update this post if i think of anything else while im waiting for confirmation of a solid end date.
