Venting Making People Hate You

[Reaper44]

I know there are a few people out there that truly care about me, and I know that my passing will hurt them. I'm considering trying to make them hate me, since I know it won't take much effort and it might make things easier for them when I CTB. I just don't know if I really want to do this. I really don't want to hurt anyone when I die, but for some reason the thought of making people hate me like that is upsetting. There's also the possibility that they'll think something's wrong if I suddenly lash out at them. Making them hate me is something I really don't want to do, but it's more important to me that I don't hurt them by dying like this. I don't know what to do. It's like there's no good option.

 

[Arbie]

No, you shouldn't do that because you have no idea of what is going to happen in the context of You pushing them away, making them hate you. It may have horrible consequences that you can't foresee.
When they start remembering who you were to them...whether good or bad, their memories are going to be the last ones that you gave them.
I think it's better to disengage with them as much as you possibly can, become emotionally distant and aloof. Don't start any arguments and don't act abnormal to much of an extent as to draw questions.

 

[angelicism999]

that's a very sweet concern for you to have but i feel like it would make it more painful for you and the people you care about if you did that? like if these are people who care about you i feel like they wouldn't hate you so much as feel like they're to blame, that maybe they contributed to your decision or smth. when ppl like you they don't want to stop caring about you, so imo even if it initially makes it harder, in the end it'll be better for everyone if you actually stayed in your relationships and tried to resolve as much as you can before leaving. sorta like saying goodbye or smth? like the hurt will still be there, but i feel like people will feel you were trying and that you still cared abt them

 

[Reaper44]

No, you shouldn't do that because you have no idea of what is going to happen in the context of You pushing them away, making them hate you. It may have horrible consequences that you can't foresee.
When they start remembering who you were to them...whether good or bad, their memories are going to be the last ones that you gave them.
I think it's better to disengage with them as much as you possibly can, become emotionally distant and aloof. Don't start any arguments and don't act abnormal to much of an extent as to draw questions.

I guess I'll try that. I just want to avoid causing the most damage to other people.

that's a very sweet concern for you to have but i feel like it would make it more painful for you and the people you care about if you did that? like if these are people who care about you i feel like they wouldn't hate you so much as feel like they're to blame, that maybe they contributed to your decision or smth. when ppl like you they don't want to stop caring about you, so imo even if it initially makes it harder, in the end it'll be better for everyone if you actually stayed in your relationships and tried to resolve as much as you can before leaving. sorta like saying goodbye or smth? like the hurt will still be there, but i feel like people will feel you were trying and that you still cared abt them

I didn't think about them blaming themselves like that. I'll try to stay in the relationships like you said, but I'm afraid if I try to resolve it even the slightest bit they'll know something's wrong.

 

[angelicism999]

I guess I'll try that. I just want to avoid causing the most damage to other people.

I didn't think about them blaming themselves like that. I'll try to stay in the relationships like you said, but I'm afraid if I try to resolve it even the slightest bit they'll know something's wrong.

mmm yeah that's really tough... i feel like there are ways of doing it where it's not that obvious tho? like if you were like "i'm so sorry i mess things up all the time" or smth that would raise a lot of flags i think, but if you talked more abt specific things like "hey, [this thing] happened a long time ago, but it always bothered me, can we talk about it?" i dunno if they'll think you're suicidal. it's more like you paid attention to them and you guys's relationship?

 

[Reaper44]

mmm yeah that's really tough... i feel like there are ways of doing it where it's not that obvious tho? like if you were like "i'm so sorry i mess things up all the time" or smth that would raise a lot of flags i think, but if you talked more abt specific things like "hey, [this thing] happened a long time ago, but it always bothered me, can we talk about it?" i dunno if they'll think you're suicidal. it's more like you paid attention to them and you guys's relationship?

I'll give it a shot. Is it better to talk with them about things that bothered me or good memories? I feel like they might blame themselves if I bring up something that bothered me, while good memories might make them feel more like they were always good to me. It would be nice if I could just disappear without hurting anyone at all, but I don't think things work like that.

 

[Arbie]

I think I'm in the minority here with my age, I guess I would say that when you live years and years and years feeling this way, you do disengage, and people let you.
It's no secret that if we are as miserable and as broken as we know we are, everyone around us can see it too...most don't want to insert themselves into our lives because we can be a drag and emotionally draining for our closest friends and family. A slow pervasive self imposed isolation begins.
Just be who you feel like being.
I just walked away from my life of 45 years in one place, told my family to fuck off. Once I got settled in my new location, the weight of "family " and telling them exactly how I feel, my desire to just die, told them they ruined my life, it did wonders for my anxiety and sense of freedom that I've never felt before.
It's encouraging that you are following advise on here, hang in there.

 

[oopswronglife]

You are right there really is no god option. All of this is just a mess, unfair, and shouldn't be happening. But it is what we face.

On a practical note, not that I think making someone hate you is a good plan, the easiest way to do so is to hold up a proverbial mirror to them. Most people hate more than anything to be faced with their own faults and poor behavior, and killing the messenger is a phrase for a reason.

 

[not_a_robot]

Worrying about what others will think after we die is just a form of SI. Just a way to give ourselves reasons to delay. To imagine, just for a little longer, that we can control what happens around us.

 

[Jon86]

Worrying about what others will think after we die is just a form of SI. Just a way to give ourselves reasons to delay. To imagine, just for a little longer, that we can control what happens around us.

Interesting take, perhaps it is to a degree but it undeniable that it is easier for those who don't have loved ones to ctb in general. A man who loves his parents, has a loving wife and kids for example would have a much harder time ctb because of guilt despite his suffering than would a man suffering equally but coming home to an empty home.

 

[not_a_robot]

Interesting take, perhaps it is to a degree but it undeniable that it is easier for those who don't have loved ones to ctb in general. A man who loves his parents, has a loving wife and kids for example would have a much harder time ctb because of guilt despite his suffering than would a man suffering equally but coming home to an empty home.

Interesting take, but emotions are just mindless neurochemical reactions, and none of them really mean anything anyway. The emotions of the man who feels breeder-attachment to people who share his DNA are ultimately equally meaningless as the emotions of the man who comes home to an empty house. Both are equally dead after they catch the bus.

 

[Jon86]

Interesting take, but emotions are just mindless neurochemical reactions, and none of them really mean anything anyway. The emotions of the man who feels breeder-attachment to people who share his DNA are ultimately equally meaningless as the emotions of the man who comes home to an empty house. Both are equally dead after they catch the bus.

Nihilism goes hand in hand with isolation and loneliness.

Someone with deep social connections to family, friends, a significant other, community etc. has more pulling him back from that type of thinking and is less likely to go to the extreme of suicide. Obviously, it does happen, even those at the top (have everything in theory) can still commit suicide but it isn't nearly as common as those who are truly alone.

I'm pretty certain if I didn't love and respect my parents, i'd have been dead years ago. The guilt I feel is overwhelming when i've attempted partial, it's the #1 factor keeping me alive, not fear, not hope, imo.

 

[not_a_robot]

Nihilism goes hand in hand with isolation and loneliness.

Someone with deep social connections to family, friends, a significant other, community etc. has more pulling him back from that type of thinking and is less likely to go to the extreme of suicide. Obviously, it does happen, even those at the top (have everything in theory) can still commit suicide but it isn't nearly as common as those who are truly alone.

I'm pretty certain if I didn't love and respect my parents, i'd have been dead years ago. The guilt I feel is overwhelming when i've attempted partial, it's the #1 factor keeping me alive, not fear, not hope, imo.

Attachments to people who share one's DNA are not emotions, they are obligations. Just biologically-based tribalism.

 

[Jon86]

Attachments to people who share one's DNA are not emotions, they are obligations. Just biologically-based tribalism.

Does your sig indicate you want to die with a partner? seems a bit counter to your argument that human attachment isn't important if you want to die with someone else.

Your going hard in the paint with nihilism, too hard to the point where your talking like a robot and not a human, at the end of the day you are human, you can pretend human connection doesn't matter but you damn well know that's total bullshit.

 

[not_a_robot]

Does your sig indicate you want to die with a partner? seems a bit counter to your argument that human attachment isn't important if you want to die with someone else.

Your going hard in the paint with nihilism, too hard to the point where your talking like a robot and not a human, at the end of the day you are human, you can pretend human connection doesn't matter but you damn well know that's total bullshit.

What I know damn well is that emotions are bullshit. They're just biochemical afflictions.
I only want a partner because I think it would be hot, to fuck while we OD.
Don't worry, I'm not inviting you. All your squishy emotions would ruin it for me.

 

[Jon86]

What I know damn well is that emotions are bullshit. They're just biochemical afflictions.
I only want a partner because I think it would be hot, to fuck while we OD.
Don't worry, I'm not inviting you. All your squishy emotions would ruin it for me.

Nice, ridiculous suicide fantasy man. Your not actually waiting for that to happen are you? If so I hope your really, really, super good looking with low standards or you'll be waiting for a long time talking about how the life doesn't mean anything but i'm going to stick around till I get a cutie girl to have sex with me as I do heroin and OD like Romeo lol.....

 

[not_a_robot]

Nice, ridiculous suicide fantasy man. Your not actually waiting for that to happen are you? If so I hope your really, really, super good looking with low standards or you'll be waiting for a long time talking about how the life doesn't mean anything but i'm going to stick around till I get a cutie girl to have sex with me as I do heroin and OD like Romeo lol.....

I'm actually the cute female in this scenario, and I've never had to look for Romeos to do crazy shit with me, Romeos actually tend to seek me out for crazy shit, always have, and this situation will be no different. They will make themselves available to me when I am ready for them. Just like always.

 

[pole]

I know there are a few people out there that truly care about me, and I know that my passing will hurt them. I'm considering trying to make them hate me, since I know it won't take much effort and it might make things easier for them when I CTB. I just don't know if I really want to do this. I really don't want to hurt anyone when I die, but for some reason the thought of making people hate me like that is upsetting. There's also the possibility that they'll think something's wrong if I suddenly lash out at them. Making them hate me is something I really don't want to do, but it's more important to me that I don't hurt them by dying like this. I don't know what to do. It's like there's no good option.

I thought of this as well, but did this through pushing friends away. not make them hate me, but gave reasons to not be with them, whether it be busy with school,etc. and just had them slowly drift. probably the best way.

 

[not_a_robot]

All you have to do is reveal how depressed you are and try to explain your need to ctb, and they will reject you naturally on their own. They don't "care" as much as you think they do. Nobody ever does. You'll see.

 

[TAW122]

I would just say go about your own life and don't go out of your way to make them resent you, because it may detract from your own goal to CTB, and also like @Arbie said, unforseen consequences can arise. They may hate you either way whenever you CTB, that is something that you can't directly control. So I would just say go about your life and when time comes to CTB, just try to ease their pain a little bit with a note or delayed email and that's really all you can do.

 

[Jon86]

I'm actually the cute female in this scenario, and I've never had to look for Romeos to do crazy shit with me, Romeos actually tend to seek me out for crazy shit, always have, and this situation will be no different. They will make themselves available to me when I am ready for them. Just like always.

Well, that certainly does change things, I now believe there's a chance you'll be able to make that dream a reality.

 

[Vegrau]

All you have to do is reveal how depressed you are and try to explain your need to ctb, and they will reject you naturally on their own. They don't "care" as much as you think they do. Nobody ever does. You'll see.

Yes yes yes. Honesty (truth) will dispel all lies. No one ever truly care. They care only because they have something they want from you. The moment they realize they cannot get it from you anymore they will turn on you. Those filthy disgusting creatures.

 

[Reaper44]

All you have to do is reveal how depressed you are and try to explain your need to ctb, and they will reject you naturally on their own. They don't "care" as much as you think they do. Nobody ever does. You'll see.

I've thought about that. The thing is, if I tell them I want to CTB I think they'll try to stop me just so they don't look bad for letting me kill myself.

I would just say go about your own life and don't go out of your way to make them resent you, because it may detract from your own goal to CTB, and also like @Arbie said, unforseen consequences can arise. They may hate you either way whenever you CTB, that is something that you can't directly control. So I would just say go about your life and when time comes to CTB, just try to ease their pain a little bit with a note or delayed email and that's really all you can do.

That sounds like a good idea, but I don't think I'll be leaving a note since every time I sit down to write one I get so overwhelmed. I have a few journals that kind of explain why I'm going to CTB so I think I'll just leave those instead.