Making peace with dying

[Tortured_empath]

Has anyone done this? I dearly want my suffering to end, but it's like my brain and SI are hardwired to reject any notion of my death. How have you made peace with dying?

 

[heylightiforgot]

Wish I knew how

 

[Tortured_empath]

Wish I knew how

Guess it dosen't make sense to ask the ones who are still here...

 

[UnNicE]

Guess it dosen't make sense to ask the ones who are still here...

Thats true. But I feel the same

 

[heylightiforgot]

Guess it dosen't make sense to ask the ones who are still here...

I think I'd feel a *tiny* bit more at peace if it was guaranteed my method would work

 

[Tortured_empath]

I can't grasp the concept of me ending. Even though it's a shitty ass concept to begin with. It has to be some stupid biological defense mechanism.

 

[Mr2005]

With one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema. R.I.P Rutger Hauer

Spoiler

.

 

[Kodama]

Yes i'd make peace with death but not with the guilt because of my children...
Lucky you if your alone !

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

For me, I focus on all the loss and how I am so emotionally imparied that moving forward is going to take more work than I am willing to invest this far down the line---- I mean--- Why stick around for more misery? I definatly don't want to stay alive just cause Im too scared to die. Fuck that shit. Either I stay alive and have a kick ass life or I find a way to end it- I mean really it is an honest assessment of the future------

I decided that the only thing that can keep me alive is being happy- But I can't be happy due to being severely emotionaly compromised. If I stayed in this life, I would be asking for misery. Bitterness. Always looking and in a state of constant grief about all the things I didn't get. i'm a hermit almost, not because I'm an introvert- but because everything hurts now. Even to hear about people with boyfreinds and familys and careers--- To just stay alive to stand on the sidelines and what?

Oh I could just stop focusing on my problems and go out and help someone else- I have done that all my life--but this thing from last summer broke something inside of me----

The girl who always found a way out of her circumstance by trying to do the right thing is GONE. So I can't even stay because I could give whatever little gifts I have to the word because I'm so fucked up about what I didn't get- and that is something that society shames me for. That somehow I have to let go of all my loss, all my hurt, forget about my needs, forget about it-- become a servent to all the world to find myself and enlightnement---- Good grief!

Anyway, I do have to fight natural SI too------- But I really don't have the kind of future I want. I'm so stuck on a dream. Its so sad. I guess this is the kind of damage--- that is permanent.

I have too much pride to settle now. Not after all this. too much loss. too much suffering. VERY LITTLE HOPE.

VERY LITTLE HOPE OF HAPPINESS AND A DREAM.

Can't live with the humiliation that it was all my fault.

Its easier when your guilty.

 

[Flume]

No one... EVER mentions that people who die by suicide took the hardest decision of their life at the moment they felt the absolute weakest. My own attempt is drawing near and it's making me fucking go insane, this shit isn't easy...

 

[Moon Flower]

I'm a firm believer that there are worse fates than death, and I think that's what keeps me so chill about the whole thing. I don't care what happens to me, I won't be around to worry about it if all goes to plan. Also it seems most ctb methods rely on hypoxia. I've passed out and been hypoxic before and it felt extremely peaceful. When I woke up, I had no idea I had a seizure while I was out. I don't think it'll hurt at all.

 

[drake4871]

Well if you look at death as some scary unknown wilderness it'll be a little harder. Personally, I've changed my mindset from scary wilderness to actually being curious about it. Remember when you were born? what about before that? I think death will be as inconvenient as that period before birth

 

[Tortured_empath]

Yes i'd make peace with death but not with the guilt because of my children...
Lucky you if your alone !

I don't know if I would consider myself lucky by any concievable measures.
But I guess not having kids helps it.

 

[Tortured_empath]

With one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema. R.I.P Rutger Hauer

Spoiler

.

Great monologue

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

I made full peace with dying when I nearly did die.

I was 10 mins from it. Lost many feelings and senses, but there was no pain even though there should have been with the way I was going to go.
It was the most peace I've had in my entire life. Never again since.

Spoiler: the nurses and docs saved my life.

 

[pain in my heart]

I made peace with the fact that CTB isn't as scary as most people think it is. That's probably because I witnessed how my ex died from an overdose. So I guess having a first-hand experience of how death operates smoothes whatever worries I might have had.

 

[woxihuanni]

Not made peace as such, but determined to go with something like grace because no matter how deep the suffering, petulance does not become anyone. Plus it's not like we are making decision on what happens, only when. If I stay on to have a happy life, I could die in a burning car or something.

It is a pathological wish for control that makes us think ANYTHING is dramatic, including our death. It's all business as usual in the universe.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Has anyone done this? I dearly want my suffering to end, but it's like my brain and SI are hardwired to reject any notion of my death. How have you made peace with dying?

same- I see alot of people on here that say they have-but ive yet to feel that way-even though I like you want it to end.

 

[marcusuk63]

With one of the greatest scenes in the history of cinema. R.I.P Rutger Hauer

Spoiler

.

Rutger wrote that the night before filming as he didnt like the original speech , he was right his is much more powerful . original was ,

"I've seen things… seen things you little people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion bright as magnesium… I rode on the back decks of a blinker and watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments… they'll be gone "

 

[khw777]

I think it's the hardest thing you could face. It scares me to death (no pun intended) None of know what is on the other side. Truthfully i would never consider committing suicide if it were not my health problems, and depression.

 

[Santiago]

I've made peace with death, not with dying. In fact the act of dying and more specifically the things that could go wrong are holding me back.

The way I would describe it..if there was a button that I could press and I would just black out immediately without any pain or discomfort I would press it right now.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I can't grasp the concept of me ending. Even though it's a shitty ass concept to begin with. It has to be some stupid biological defense mechanism.

its a really strange thing to grapple with- I kind of wish I could do it and then be 'ghost' for a bit (not that I believe in this concept literally-just as an idea) and then I could float around, know that i had succeeded (I think somone else had said similar-that you will never be able to 'appreciate' - for want of a better word-that it worked) - not saying I would want to see my friends grieving but if i could just see over them one more time as a ghost, maybe hear some nice things they might say about me- that would make me feel at peace, knowing that atleast they would have some good memories of me-if the can recollect the good times that is- and i'd like to know that the right people got the notes ive written & the little bit of money and few belongings I have would go to friends too...but its strange to not 'know' about any of that-because you wont be there. I totally agree with you-my mind finds it hard to grapple with that concept-and has an huge internal battle- and contibutes to all my SI's.

I made peace with the fact that CTB isn't as scary as most people think it is. That's probably because I witnessed how my ex died from an overdose. So I guess having a first-hand experience of how death operates smoothes whatever worries I might have had.

may I ask what was the OD?-if that is not too personal...sorry for the loss of yr ex.

I've made peace with death, not with dying. In fact the act of dying and more specifically the things that could go wrong are holding me back.

The way I would describe it..if there was a button that I could press and I would just black out immediately without any pain or discomfort I would press it right now.

id love that button too!

 

[trynacbt]

Whenever I feel my SI kicking in, I remind myself of why I'm doing this. And most of the time, it ends up feeling like less of a choice than something I need to do. I'm terrified of what my life will be like if I don't ctb. I don't have any hope left in this life. And I find myself hoping, perhaps irrationally, that death will give me a new one.