Matthew
Member
- Jan 6, 2019
- 9
I suppose I'm just dumping some ideas here. I smoke, eat like shit and don't move all day. I have not been to a doctor or dentist in 10 years. I have a lump on my leg and head, but I don't know what they really are, I also have sharp shooting pains in various places from time to time. Sometimes it feels like my heart is stopping and I inhale, feel a stabbing pain, then it almost clicks and starts beating like normal again. I don't know why, but neglecting my health and facing a miserable death in a hospital bed, or my bedroom floor, seems easier than getting up and making something happen tonight. I watched my grand father die of lung cancer in a hospital, he was on drugs and died unconscious which really doesn't seem so bad. My entire life I have been a coward and just waited for things to happen, so it's funny that this method is the only one that actually seems achievable. Maybe I am not afraid of pain, I am afraid of action.
