I've made up my mind about what needs to happen, but the only thing preventing me right now is the fact that I'm worried I might fail. I'm worried that failure could leave me damaged or vegetative, or that it means I will have to deal with the guilt of knowing that my family know I tried to ctb, without the 'easy way out' of avoiding guilt by not being there. I guess I'm also worried that my attempt will be so painful or horrible that I will naturally try to stop myself and cause problems that way.
What I plan to do is hang myself. I have an office room in the house and on the outside of the door there is a pull-up bar that can definitely hold my weight (80kg). I will tie a rope around this with a secure hitch knot, then feed the rope over the door so it reaches into the room, closing the door as much as possible. Then of course the other end of the rope will be a noose, which I intend to fit around my neck (at the top of my neck, right underneath my jaw??) while standing on a chair, then simply step off of the chair.
I want to make sure this works quickly and effectively so I plan to put a plastic bag over my head before the noose, but I haven't seen many people talk about doing this so I don't know if it is an effective thing to do? I think that I will also cut my wrists at the radial artery and make sure I have lots of towels and things under me, but I am apprehensive because I have never cut myself before.
The reason I want to hang myself over the door like this is to hide my body and delay access to me. I'll do this while my family is out and will leave a note at the bottom of the stairs warning them to not come up even though I know they will but it will mean that at least my wife will know to not let the children up. I know my wife will of course want to get me down but if I am on the other side of the door she won't be able to open the door if I am hanging behind it with the rope fastened on the outside. Hopefully the tension on the rope will mean that she can't undo the hitch knot. I will also make sure that all of my tools and knives will be inside the room with me so she can't cut the rope.
So by doing this it will buy me more time because she won't be able to stop me straight away and will instead have to either call 999 or fetch a neighbour which will take more time and would hopefully mean that whoever comes to help will also stop her from seeing me. My plan is therefore that this will give me more time to make sure it is definitely done and also to stop my wife and kids from seeing me. The only risk is that she might try to climb out to the windows and break her way in but I don't think she'll risk doing that with the kids in the house because they would come up to see what she's doing.
I am 100% certain that living is not an option and that this would be the best thing for everyone. It is just frustrating that I am scared about it going wrong or scared that it will hurt too much that I will stop myself. Is there anything else I can do to improve the hanging process to make it more quick and effective?
What I plan to do is hang myself. I have an office room in the house and on the outside of the door there is a pull-up bar that can definitely hold my weight (80kg). I will tie a rope around this with a secure hitch knot, then feed the rope over the door so it reaches into the room, closing the door as much as possible. Then of course the other end of the rope will be a noose, which I intend to fit around my neck (at the top of my neck, right underneath my jaw??) while standing on a chair, then simply step off of the chair.
I want to make sure this works quickly and effectively so I plan to put a plastic bag over my head before the noose, but I haven't seen many people talk about doing this so I don't know if it is an effective thing to do? I think that I will also cut my wrists at the radial artery and make sure I have lots of towels and things under me, but I am apprehensive because I have never cut myself before.
The reason I want to hang myself over the door like this is to hide my body and delay access to me. I'll do this while my family is out and will leave a note at the bottom of the stairs warning them to not come up even though I know they will but it will mean that at least my wife will know to not let the children up. I know my wife will of course want to get me down but if I am on the other side of the door she won't be able to open the door if I am hanging behind it with the rope fastened on the outside. Hopefully the tension on the rope will mean that she can't undo the hitch knot. I will also make sure that all of my tools and knives will be inside the room with me so she can't cut the rope.
So by doing this it will buy me more time because she won't be able to stop me straight away and will instead have to either call 999 or fetch a neighbour which will take more time and would hopefully mean that whoever comes to help will also stop her from seeing me. My plan is therefore that this will give me more time to make sure it is definitely done and also to stop my wife and kids from seeing me. The only risk is that she might try to climb out to the windows and break her way in but I don't think she'll risk doing that with the kids in the house because they would come up to see what she's doing.
I am 100% certain that living is not an option and that this would be the best thing for everyone. It is just frustrating that I am scared about it going wrong or scared that it will hurt too much that I will stop myself. Is there anything else I can do to improve the hanging process to make it more quick and effective?
